Once again, my insecurities kept me from trying out things that I’ve always wanted to do. Last week, an acquaintance asked me to VTR for his band’s next music video. It so happens that the video is for my favorite track off of their album (’Oo‘, le sigh). Being me (and in typical Filipino fashion), I replied with a “I’m shy. And I’m fat.”

The VTR was yesterday. I didn’t go. Another one was set, this time at the director’s house. I’m still not going.

Just like last year, when I was invited for a print ad go-see for a friend’s brother’s clothing line. My excuse was that I was too busy with school—- which was the truth. I was thin and tanned that time, just swamped with school work. Anyway, the billboard came out some months ago and the first time I saw it along EDSA, I giggled to the best friend: “my face should be up there.” :P

I need strawberries. And liposuction. Then maybe my confidence and body image would exponentially increase. ;)

On to D. He’s here, yay! I don’t know what’s up his ass, though. He’s been acting somwhat boyfriend-y, which is prompting me to act accordingly. This isn’t good, because I know I’ll end up stepping into “don’t go there!” territory (otherwise known as ‘looooove’). “Why do you have to be in your underwear in your Friendster photos?”, “Why aren’t you texting me?”, “Who’s that guy?”, “What is he to you?”, “Why are you avoiding my questions?”.

Or maybe it’s just ego. His.

Crossing my fingers for Friday night. Him. Me. Pizza. My place. Please.