D: Hey, take care on your way to work. I’m going out tonight.
Helga: Where ya going?
D: DJ and I are going out.
Helga: Hahaha ok, have fun.
D: Hehe, why the need for the hahaha?
Helga: Ok, have fun?
D: ‘Kaw talaga (I have no idea how to translate this into english. ‘Kaw is you, talaga is really).

Helga goes on to sulk smoke in the hallway couch with her copy of Kim Ficera’s Sex, Lies and Stereotypes. When men suck and you can’t do anything about it, turn to lesbian literature? After one stick, she goes back into her studio and gets all domestic: do the dishes, wipe the table, scrub and sweep the floor. Lalalala.

She then notices her pink phone lying on her green bedsheets. Two messages.

D: Oh, are you there?
D: You are such a snob today.

How about I drop-kick you. What exactly do you want me to say, “Wow, I’m glad you’re spending time with your girlfriend”???

Things I wanna do:

• Quit my job.
• Get a haircut.
• Eat a whole tray of chocolate drop cookies. Oh wait. I just did that.
• Eat pork sisig. Oh wait, I just did that, too.

I know I’ve always been a big eater, but this is absurd. I’ll be traipsing around my co-workers in a bikini in four days and I’m supposed to be living on green tea and cigarettes, NOT stuffing my face with sweets, carbs, and fat. Last night, I weighed myself for the first time after more than a week of not wanting to face the truth: 108 pounds. And this is after not eating for 8 hours.