SO I KINDA HATE MYSELF.

July 18, 2006 at 3:35 am | Filed under technicolor lover

(Edit: Because it might be misinterpreted, these messages are from D :D)

Damn, so it’s that easy— just ‘bye’. Haaaay. I asked you before if that’s gonna happen and you said it wouldn’t because you said it’s different with me. And now what :(

Should there be a limit to what we have? I want you to be there. Haaaay, I don’t know. That’s why I asked you before.

You do know that you’re just not a lay for me, right? Because if you were just that, it’d be easy to let go, but it isn’t.

Umm. :blank:

In other news, Charles Gordon Windsor Jr is my new dream boy.

Daisy (Julia Roberts): I fucked up.
Charlie (Adam Storke): Yeah. But you gave it a 100 percent effort!

Comments off

THIS ISN’T FUNNY.

July 17, 2006 at 4:26 am | Filed under breaking up the girl, technicolor lover

We’re not okay. I’m not okay.

When you realize just how capable a person is of hurting you— whether consciously or unconsciously, it would be a smart move to walk away.

Helga:Is your girlfriend watching your game?
D: Yes.
D: Please don’t get mad.
Helga: Tama na.
(Which is my way of telling him that I want out).
D: Whaaaaaaaaat haaaaaaay bad trip.
D: Fuuuuuuck naman oh.
Helga: I get hurt, too, you know. Sorry…
D: What? Grabe naman oh.
D: God naman oh haaaaaaaaay.

We haven’t texted each other since that conversation Sunday afternoon. And now I’m at work while my whole team’s off partying. I’m feeling extra irate, extra cold, and extra lonely. “Not a good combo, Ice Queen,” said my boss, who seems to be more considerate than D, texting me out of the blue.

It’s been said that I am a strong person. Emotionally. It sure as hell doesn’t feel like it right now.

New hair. New clothes. A new body. Shit, even a new name seems really comforting right now. If I still feel like this when I get off from work in six hours, I’m gonna go get a haircut. And then pay my electricity bill. The little ways we deal with heartbreak men.

EDIT:
He just texted: You’re not texting me. So I’m just that easy for you to let go, huh?

:(

Comments (12)

FINDING HAPPINESS IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

July 13, 2006 at 7:14 am | Filed under a waste of human capital, technicolor lover

There’s a typhoon raging outside and guess where I am? At work. In the most absurd this-won’t-protect-you-from-the-wind-and-rain outfit. Because I forgot to bring my coat. :hmph:

I think one of the dumbest mistakes a person can make is to be rude towards a customer service representative ESPECIALLY towards a telesales rep when the department they’re trying to get a hold of is Care or Order Support. Because we can waste your time by putting you on hold for forever. Or transfer you to Spanish Care. Or ruin your credit.

Nah, we can’t really do the last. ;)

And it also doesn’t make ANY sense when these idiots from work send out an email to a whole bunch of people complaining about the original sender spamming their inbox, and consequently threatening to report the sender to the IT desk and have their inbox blocked.

Like, hello, you flipping idiot. You just spammed our inboxes, too, LAWLZ, Imma report you to IT!!!!

Of course, I replied in a nicer, more professional manner.

D and I haven’t seen each other in two days. I don’t know how he can stand it. :P

Yeah, we’re okay now. I KNOW I KNOW— I LOSE IN LIFE AND I AM SUCH A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT.

And maybe I should stop staring at his girlfriend’s Friendster account (I don’t even have access to her profile since it’s restricted). It only makes me mad and bitter.

I checked my stats a while ago and saw that I got a hit from diplomatic_lounge— a Yahoo group I belong to (required, so I can get updates for one of my classes). CRAP. I forgot that I have my site linked to my Yahoo!mail address. :sweat:

Comments (5)

EXPIRATION DATE

July 10, 2006 at 3:15 pm | Filed under breaking up the girl, technicolor lover

See, right now, I want nothing more than to be with him. A couple of weeks ago, during one of our fights, I told him that: the only guy I want right now is being an asshole. I mean, really, if someone threw you a line like that (just disregard the last four words)— wouldn’t that appease you? Make you feel all giddy inside?

It apparently doesn’t work for him. From my POV, “guy I want” were the operative words in that sentence. From his POV, it was “right now”. Meaning I could change my mind and run off with someone else in the next twenty seconds.

I digress. Like I said, I want nothing more than to be with him. Waking up beisde him; getting up to sit on his tummy and telling him I’m hungry and we should go get some food; running my hands through his hair to put him to sleep; my head on his bicep; my teeth on his shoulder; him growling and flashing his braces because I find it cute; the way his says “puh-puh-please“; his picking up my habit of keeping empty cans, cups and Yakult bottles in my fridge. Blah blah blah, and all that corny crap.

Oh god, do I have to keep on blabbing.

I’ve never been one to do the SOCIALLY-ACCEPTED right thing. Sure, I follow rules and am proudly a law-abiding citizen. But when it comes to Filipino values (or values, in general) I’ve always been a bit of a deviant. Fuck, why can’t I just get to the point.

I’m thinking of ending whatever D and I have. His girlfriend’s coming back to the city this week, so HE says we’ll have to plan our meet-ups now, including as to when we’ll be watching Pirates II. This naturally puts me in the sour-est and most confused mood you can imagine. :blah:

I can’t handle being the other woman. I’m a very jealous person, and I ask for undivided attention and lovin’. I cannot stand the fact that I have to share him, his time, his emotions, and his dick with a girl whom I naturally feel I am prettier, smarter and better in bed than. Because I’m arrogant like that and because he’s cheating on her. But really, if I were all that, then why is he still with her, right?

Don’t wanna be like every other girl in the world / Like every other one who wants you / ‘Cause when I see you, something inside me burns / And then I realize I wanna come first

-First, LiLo

Comments (11)

HELL NO, MISTER.

July 9, 2006 at 2:43 am | Filed under bitchin' a ride, made in the Philippines, technicolor lover

In all my years of taking cabs to get from one place to another, I can only count two aggravating instances that made me wish I had:

• an airgun
• superhero powers (so I could fucking knockout Mr Cab Driver and leave without a trace)
• my own car so I wouldn’t have to hail another cab– EVER
• my own boyfriend (one who is available 24/7) with his own car and willing to drive me anywhere and everywhere

As luck would have it, tonight had to be the third.

It started with me half-wobbling from my building to the main road— 100 meters of sucking on a cigarette and carefully avoiding puddles because I was wearing my new pink satin slingbacks, damnit. And I was late, so double damnit.

I finally reached Katipunan Avenue, stopping across Starbucks where I usually flag down cabs. I didn’t last five seconds— suddenly all these Katipunan Street Adolescents flocked towards me. “Ma’am, taxi, ma’am?” I CAN FUCKING HAIL A CAB ON MY OWN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I don’t need you to get me one, in exchange for five pesos. Do you know what I can buy for five pesos??? Two sticks of Marlboro Reds, that’s what!

So I walked, no, SAUNTERED away from them. They threw some snide remarks at my direction LIKE THEY FUCKING MATTER.

I finally hailed an empty cab. I climb in and tell the driver to take me to Ayala Avenue. He tells me to add 30 bucks on top of whatever the fare would amount to— “because it’s already nighttime”. SO?

Filipino cab drivers are greedy little asshats, did you know that? My professor in International and Globalized Economy was once faced with a cab driver who asked for an extra 50 pesos. He (my professor) boldly suggested: “If you want, I’d even make it 70 pesos”, much to Mr Cab Driver’s embarrassment. It’s all about giving back the burden. Or something.

Tonight, I did not have that luxury (of giving back the burden, since I had gone shopping with my commission money yesterday after work), so I opened the cab door, stuck one leg out, and said “NEVERMIND”.

Cab driver takes it back. I retrieve my leg from the concrete, shut the door and tell him the route to take: Let’s pass through SANTOLAN-EDSA.

We not-so-merrily roll along. When we hit Katipunan extension, he goes “Let’s pass through Araneta”.

“NO. I SAID LET’S TAKE SANTOLAN-EDSA, IT’S QUICKER THAT WAY.”

We reach the intersection where we’re supposed to take a right to get to goddamn Santolan-EDSA. I had to tell the idiot to take take a right, as it was obvious he was planning on going straight ahead for reasons BEYOND me.

For the past THREE MONTHS, I’ve been taking a cab to get to work EVE-RY-DAY. So I know that it only costs 130 to 150 pesos— and nothing more— from Katipunan to PBCom.

Imagine my surprise (and pure pure loathing) when I noticed that the cab meter was already at 190 pesos— and we haven’t even hit Ayala yet! Surprise and pure pure loathing was to be followed by giddiness. I check my wallet, glad that I had a 100-peso and a 50-peso bill.

We pull over to the PBCom bus/jeepney/cab bay. The meter was at 220. I hand him the 150, tell him that I take a cab everyday from Katipunan to Ayala and it never exceeds 150 pesos, and he should have his fucking meter checked. He holds my money, looks at me with his mouth slightly open (surprised that I wasn’t a dumb twit who’d willingly hand over her hard-earned cash to a sleaze like him, perhaps?) while I step out of his cab, shut the door gently and walk away.

But really. You know what’s really hateful? It’s SATURDAY NIGHT AND I HAVE WORK. The big boss asked me out again (for drinks and World Cup) and I had to turn him down NOT because D would get mad :roll:, but because I had work.

And I prettied myself up for work D (skinny jeans, funky top with the neckline sliced off, pink heels— a welcome change, since I’ve been looking shabby this past week) and it turns out he’s on leave for the day. HE DIDN’T TELL ME!

(Well, he claims he did. He actually did tell me he was applying for an incentive leave— I just didn’t know it was for today!)

Grumble grumble. :blah:

EDIT!
I was whining to D about him not coming in for work. More like giving him a hard time. He has a game later this afternoon AND WHAT IS HE DOING RIGHT NOW! DRINKING, that’s what!

I just got back from my break and here’s a message that was waiting for me in my phone:

Everytime you scream at me, I wanna kiss you. Everytime you touch me, I wanna hug you cos you’re so damn sexy when you’re mad!

Cheesiness. He said he was the one who wrote the chorus for Neyo :lolol:

Comments (2)