Archive for October, 2006
October 30, 2006 at 6:04 am | Filed under a waste of human capital, joyful girl, technicolor lover
Now that I have your attention.
Halloween tomorrow, we’re required to dress up for work. Now. I love dressing up. I love Halloween, it’s probably my favorite “holiday” ever. But why must there be a theme? And why, of all possible themes, must it be Chucky or Bride of Chucky? THAT REQUIRES SOME ACTUAL PREPARATION, and I’ve thrown away my leather jacket when I moved out of the dorm because admit it— leather jackets ARE hideous.
So as I was saying. I want to do slutty this Halloween. Black tights and something tiny. If people ask what I am, I’m either Chucky’s biatch or Chucky’s kabit. Take that, Tiffany.
BUT I WANNA BE TINKERBELL-GONE-WRONG, only because that doesn’t require any effort. I already have the black tights, the black boots, and the black (with blue polka dots) Tink dress. And the attitude problem. Peter Pan can go sit on a snowflake. Or a Coke bottle.
I’m extra-ditzy today. This is the effect of staying alcohol-free and Valium-free this past week.
Highlights of my week:
- I finally got my pride and joy: the Veronica Mars to my Back-up :cute:. I don’t know which of the FS900 series is mine, though, but she’s gorrrrrgeous. Now all I need is a customized laptop bag.
- Moving out of the condo and into the new apartment. It’s crazy how much kitchen stuff we have. After five years, I live in a house again!
- The complete season of My Name Is Earl on DVD. Jason fucking Lee is worth staying up late for.
- Last night with D. He said his “thing hurts hehe”. It’s official: I am capable of breaking dicks. :blush:
I’m off to smoke in the rain. Oh, the poetry.
October 26, 2006 at 10:21 pm | Filed under joyful girl, the internets
Thank you, Mara, for the e-mail.
From an isangsikreto entry:
Go to my LJ and check out the “she’s totally awesome” component on my layout.
Dude, I, like, miss being an LJ Celebrity or whatever.
OKAY, SO I’M OFF TO SUBMIT ANNA BERDAN’S PHOTO TO SOME MAIL-TO-ORDER BRIDE SITE. CHEERS!
October 22, 2006 at 9:10 pm | Filed under a waste of human capital, bitchin' a ride
Here’s a story.
A girl, let’s call her Helga, decided some weeks ago to leave the company in which she is currently employed at, in search of a better bigger paycheck. Her friend, let’s call him Drew, referred her and anoher friend (let’s call her Allah) to the company he works for. Let’s call this company Company S.U.WTF. (S for suxxorz, U for Unprofessional, and WTF for Whiskey Tango Foxtrot).
Now Company S.U.WTF. first called Allah, and to make a sad story short, she was not hired.
Company S.U.WTF. called in Helga for an initial interview with Recruiting, and was set up with a FINAL interview with one of the department heads. And then Company S.U.WTF. called up Helga while she was at the beach last weekend, scheduling ANOTHER FINAL interview with the same dude who interviewed her.
She shows up at Company S.U.WTF., was met by a confused man: Didn’t I interview you already?
Helga: Yes, but S—y called me up last Monday and set me up with a final interview?
Helga was told to sit in some teeny-weeny office (a cubicle, more like it) and waited for a lifetime (okay, so it was about 10 minutes, but when you’re doing nothing— just staring at photos and certificates, it does seem like a fucking lifetime. I was half expecting for my grandkids to call me up for a visit), and then was told he (Department Head Man) would see her in 10-15 minutes, and she could go down for a smoke if she wanted to. She does. She comes back, runs into Department Head Man as she steps out of the elevator.
Department Head Man apologizes, says the HR department will be contacting her to finalize her employment.
Helga: So I’m hired?
DHM: Yes.
So Helga was hired right outside the elevator lobby. Whoop-de-do! She goes home, and at 8am, the HR department of Company S.U.WTF. calls her up to schedule a 2pm contract signing.
Helga goes back to Company S.U.WTF., signs the contract, drafts her resignation letter, and celebrates by watching House on DVD while eating cracker crumbs and pancit canton. She would start working for Company S.U.WTF. on November 20.
Saturday night, she wakes up, checks her phone for messages and finds that someone with a Sun Cellular number texted her. So management decided to cancel hiring for the November 20 date and would resume hiring NEXT year, January. NEVERFUCKINGMIND that contracts have been signed, resignations announced, resignations drafted, moms and bosses and co-workers informed— Helga was fired even before she has started her training for Company S.U.WTF. Oh, and they’d call her next year.
Helga’s mom is asking for her copy of the contract, so Helga and Helga’s mom could consult a lawyer.
This song is so cool.
October 21, 2006 at 9:44 am | Filed under a waste of human capital, ditz drivel, the single girl phenomenon
#1: Graduate from Wanarexia Idiosa and get into the real thing: Anorexia Nervosa. Listen to The Carpenters and scout for So Little Time episodes for thinspiration.
<3
#2: Fine. Food isn't that easy to give up. So. Be a functioning bulimic.
<3
#3: He hates it when you drop Vis (yes, this is about a boy, it is always about a boy, everything is about a boy), but you just love those li’l blue pills. So drop ‘em, mix ‘em (with your drink, ne?), or snort ‘em. JUST DON’T PROFESS YOUR UNDYING LOVE FOR HIM WHEN YOUR HEAD’S UP IN THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ CLOUDS AND YOU’RE CRASHING INTO FURNITURE AND SHARP OBJECTS, BECAUSE THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES YOU THE LOSER. Deleting all contacts from your mobile phone helps. A lot.
<3
#4: He also hates it when you get drunk (because you do, and I quote, a lot of "stupid stupid things"). And of course, you're always practically drunk and on your favorite drink, which he naturally hates because like I said, he hates it when you're drunk.
What the hell, right? Even teddy bears love that stuff!
<3<3<3
Okay, folks, I'm off to take my last cigarette break (oh oh, I've figured out a way to sneak my mobile in and out of the floor: tuck it into my bra, in between my boobs :woohoo: ). 11.30am seems so far away, I can't wait to knock on Tanduay Rum Barbie's room so we can start drinking.
October 20, 2006 at 9:07 am | Filed under joyful girl, technicolor lover
A lost camera. Passing out. Waking up NOT in our hotel room, wearing someone else’s board shorts. Passing out. Subzero and Mindoro Sling shots with Valium. Passing out on the beach. Haggling over the price of anklets. Getting matching heart anklets for the best friend and I <3. Making out with a girl in front of her boyfriend. D asking what the hell are you on, what the hell are you taking? Kissing a Hot Tattooed Boy to prove to him wrong: I am not a snob, I am actually quite the hospitable one, now come-over-here-and-give-me-a-kiss-or-two. Kicking boys out of the room. Getting stoned. Getting acquainted with the locals. Buying a bottle of cheap gin and cigarettes with the last of our money. Getting drunk on cheap gin chased with water under the scorching sun. Picking up a hot American boy from Arizona. Trying to skimboard drunk. Dragging hot American boy back to our room. Missing our boat back to Batangas. Charming the boat owner into refunding our tickets. Getting the locals to buy us cigarettes. Getting the locals to buy us water. Playing “guess what song I’m listening to?” with the best friend to pass the time.
It started on a Sunday and ended on a Tuesday. Galerawr with the best friend: best fuckin’ vacation ever.
My boss to me: It’s official. You’re memorable :)
My direct supervisor to me: Alamat ka, Helga, alamat! (You’re a legend, Helga, a legend!)
My direct supervisor, on Aa and I: You two are like two preys walking on the beach, waiting for the predators to start pouncing on you.
RAWR! :spin:
Edit// This is how I feel right now, as of 7.45pm:
Indecent. Crackwhore-ish. Tired. Fiona Apple-ish. Mary-Kate Olsen-ish.
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
