So seriously, I need help. Like every other unimaginative sort-of-relationshipped person out there, I seek your advice: WHAT DO I GET CHUCHUBELLS FOR CHRISTMAS?

Bitch is a Libran, with expensive taste. I’m thinking of getting him two gifts: one fun and/or kinky, one real and/or serious. I already know what to get him for fun: plain white boxers with my signature on it, because I’m a celebrity-wannabe like that.

For real/serious, up until twenty minutes ago, I already had a solid idea what to get him: a lava lamp. And then I remembered his collection of funky lights and lamps in his room, so I sent him a message asking if he already has one. HE DOES.

And now I’m back to square one.

HELP?

(We had our first fight last Friday night. He bit my ear, I cried. I kicked and punched him, my left thumb ended up with a dead nail. But that’s just foreplay for us, because we ended up doing it in the restaurant’s bathroom. Man, we were so drunk. Anyway, he started pissing me off, so I texted our boss who called me up and THAT’S what really pissed Chuchubells off. Long story short, we ended up doing it back in my room.)