Hey, what’s up, I’m fucking going crazy here. Two words: DIAL and UP.

So how was everyone’s Christmas, mine was so-so. It was just Allah and I because Yero wussed out and bribed us with cake. I woke up around 6pm (after some major bangin’ with Chuchubells— I don’t know why I’m in hick mode right now), threw on some clothes, and off Allah and I went to buy our noche whatever. I don’t really celebrate Christmas; I do it for the gifts, the alcohol, the hundreds of text messages, and the videoke. So we got ourselves crap wine glasses that have the tackiest clink, two whole roast chickens, RICE, and the needed liquids for our Tanduay punch. We have dinner, we drink wine, we fall asleep in the lounge. I woke up at half past twelve because there was this priest on TV, so I start poking Allah awake: It’s Christmas, Allaaaaah, it’s Christmas!!!

That photo to the left was taken months ago, I just wanted to post something somewhat festive. Or unfabulous. All right, just something downright embarrassing. The girl with the glazed drunk look, that’s Anna. The girl laughing at her, that’s Allah (she has short pixie hair now). The girl behind the two girls, the one with the crazy I’m-too-fucking-happy smile on her face, that’s me. And yeah, that’s Chuchubells taking me from behind. Aww man, did I just say that!

And I’m, like, so depressed. The eating has got to stop. I told Allah that we should finish all the food we have at the apartment; that way, we stop eating, too. Sounds logical, right (speaking of logical, I got dumber; took an IQ test several days ago and scored a 127. Call center tragedy)? Christmas morning, I devoured four slices of chocolate mousse cake with cherry icing and a chocolate-walnut muffin, followed by leftover roast chicken and rice for lunch. Oh gawd, where was I. So last night, I got myself a pair of formal shorts at Tiendesitas. I was debating with my brother’s girlfriend: small or medium? She insisted on the small. I swear, come second week of January, I WILL fit into those shorts.

Over the holidays, I realized I could never truly make it as a pornstar.

Yeah, yeah, new color scheme and image, finafuckinglly. I gotta get my ass in the bathroom, I’m taking my mom out for a movie (Mano Po, kill me now plz). Happy holidays, folks.