behind the scenes

I Feel Like a Teenager’s LJ

I don’t feel so good about myself, and I don’t think my liver likes me much right now. You know how it is when you’re not too crazy about yourself, and in an effort to improve things, you cut off one thing from your life that you believe living without would (eventually, and sometimes instantly) make you a better person? Yeah, that’s what I’m going through right now and I’m having a crisis.

Crisis how what why huh. Put simply, I don’t know what to give up. Or something. Sure, I’ve got a pretty nice collection of bad habits and vices (cigarettes. Rum. Nailbiting. Coffee. Emotionally-unavailable men. Diets. Holding in my pee. Throwing money at people whilst saying “Kaya kita bilhin, eto o!”. Drunken drama. Sniffing rugby. Snorting through my nose with a bendable straw Valium I crushed with used-up internet cards The next useless weight loss diet. Jesus Christ), none of which I can bear to part with.

So I don’t know (what else is new). I told myself detoxing this week would do me some good, and I even momentarily contemplated on giving up coffee and maybe cutting down on my smoking. I actually want an apple right now, but I don’t know where to get one; and some white tea to calm my tummy. ANYWAY. Detox, this week, right? And then come the weekend, I’m back to boozing up, so that kinda just cancels out one week of kinda-healthy living. What to do what to do what to do. I’m thinking of not drinking this weekend, but that’s like shooting rubberbands at the stars or some equally emo shit like that. A friend said he’d keep me from drinking if we push through with meeting up on Saturday and that’s a nice thought, really, but I’m an Addict and an Alcoholic (quoting A Million Little Pieces now) and I know alcohol can’t resist me.

Srsly though, I feel ill and if keeping sober for one week will prevent me from having another Monday like yesterday’s, I’d gladly hole myself up in Antipolo and spend the weekend laughing at people at TristanCafe.

But really, I don’t think I have a drinking problem. It’s how I am when I’m drunk that is a problem. There are two three ways I can drive away people: my drama, my drunkenness, and my drunken drama. Those three never fail me.

If anything, Aa is here and that makes me happy. Too bad I can’t call in sick for work.

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  • Reply Dante May 22, 2007 at 10:44 pm

    I hope you feel better soon, in all the ways that apply. Tall order it may be, but a viable one regardless.

    It was nice seeing you on Saturday, by the way.

    • Reply Helga May 22, 2007 at 11:21 pm

      I lost my bottle of RL Sport that night!!!

      Anyway, it was fun kinda drinking with you. I’ll be a better drinking buddy next time, swearz.

  • Reply Christine May 23, 2007 at 11:43 am

    if your feeling sick then you need to do something. Im not gonna sit here and tell you what to do only you know what is best for you but i hope you figure it out and you feel better soon.

  • Reply Laarni May 23, 2007 at 1:14 pm

    watch House M.D. and you’ll forget about smoking and drinking. :p
    your layout here in the comments page is suckage using IE. and mine is more suckage.

    im here at work and i don’t have firefox.

    • Reply Helga May 23, 2007 at 9:00 pm

      I ♥ House. I watch it while drinking and smoking :P

      Yeah, I use IE at work, too. It sucks.

  • Reply Shari May 23, 2007 at 4:47 pm

    I know, yeah. I’ve experienced a similar situation. Blah. Addiction.

    Go detox with me, Helga. You can do it!

    • Reply Helga May 23, 2007 at 9:04 pm

      I’m managing I’m managing. I drink a bottle of White Tea (and umm, two mugs of coffee) when I wake up and leaves, of course. I eat leaves.

      Also, I’m 110 pounds AGAIN. So I have to start doing striptease aerobics before going to work AGAIN.

  • Reply kristine May 23, 2007 at 5:25 pm

    you really shouldn’t try detoxing yourself. i’m a fuckin’ health nut and i totally hate it. look the other way. you only live once, and it’s a good thing livers can’t speak eh?

  • Reply xtina May 24, 2007 at 2:11 pm

    weeeee… ‘sat a new proxy?? hmm.. too bad cant use it. sniff.

  • Reply baddie May 24, 2007 at 2:52 pm

    Detox schmetox. I cut down on alcohol and look what it did to me. I’m empty inside. EMPTY!!!11 Blood is coursing through my alcohol veins right now and it’s a sad, sad feeling. =(

  • Reply Beejing May 24, 2007 at 4:09 pm

    Helga, you’re from PS right?

    • Reply Helga May 25, 2007 at 3:29 am

      PS Manila, yeah, why?

      • Reply Beejing May 25, 2007 at 12:22 pm

        Nice. We are on the same company then. I’m from PS Cebu though I might leave in a month’s time. I don’t like the OPS in my Account. Bunchofpoliticians.

      • Reply Beejing May 25, 2007 at 12:23 pm

        Care for a link exchange? Leave me a comment if you’re interested.

  • Reply keysi May 25, 2007 at 1:44 am

    tsk tsk. they say that if you have a humongous hangover, you should make sundot with a few more shots when you wake up. hehe. holding in your pee is bad for you. UTI! gads~ kadirs~ :lol:

    Detox is fine, but i don’t think that will solve it. just hydrate. lotsa water. that’ll do you good. get well soon~

    you and my girl have a lot in common: my drama, my drunkenness, and my drunken drama. Good thing friends are there to talk her when she’s drunk. i generally stay away. :P

    • Reply Helga May 25, 2007 at 3:23 am

      Ano ba, I always come down with UTI kaya. Last time was November last year (too much rumcokes!) and I was sick for a week. Chuchubells had to bring me to the hospital– blood infection, UTI, and lumbar strain. KAMOWN!

      My friends are there to talk to me, too, but I still manage to pull some drunken drama bullshit. =/

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