THIS CANNOT BE.
So I got this from Dante’s blog.
WHAT. THE. FUCK. NO. FUCKING. WAY.
This piece of hotness:
is going out with fucking Spock?!?!?!
My Kristen Bell is going out with SPOCK?!? With SYLAR?!?
Bah.
:blah:
Archive for June, 2007
PATIENCE. RUNNING. THIN.
Note to self: Helga. When you’ve just come home from a nine-hour shift at work (plus half an hour of unpaid overtime and a one-hour commute) and you didn’t get much sleep the previous day, the smart thing to do is take a quick shower and hit the sack. You don’t work out for half an hour. You don’t clean out your drawers. You don’t do the dishes. You don’t make a grocery list. You don’t sort your laundry. You don’t take your 6-kilos of sorted laundry to the washers. You don’t go to the supermarket to tick off items on your grocery list. You don’t spend twenty minutes cooking chicken and making a salad afterwards. You just DON’T. Because you’ll wake up with achy joints, a blasted headache, and a half-functioning brain that you’ll have to deal with until 4am the next day. Also, you’ll be sleepy.
Several things about the inhabitants of unit 2A. Or, several things about us as a household:
We are a house of juice-drinkers. We can only go for one day without fruit juice before one of us gives in and heads to the nearest sari-sari store to buy a litro pack of Tang. Well, not really, cos we’re not squatter like that. But don’t be surprised if we come knocking on your door with a glass in hand, asking for juice (and perhaps rum and tuition money). In exchange for sexual favors, if you play nice (like give us rum and tuition money).
We store our things on the floor. We don’t know what those nifty box-like things mounted on our kitchen walls are for (the ones with the little white knobs with rose imprints on the doors), but they’re pretty cool. Same goes for the rectangular things under the kitchen counters; the ones that appear when you pull them out, and then disappear when you push them back in? Awesome, right? Anyway, they make these nifty creaking and slamming sounds when we open and close them. Sometimes, when I need a good waking up, I do that for a few minutes until my ears hurt and I have successfully woken up another housemate.
We’re all really men, which should explain the abundance of condoms strewn randomly around the house. Okay, so that’s not true. It’s just that I emptied out one of my drawers and threw away A WHOLE LOTTA JUNK, including two empty bottles of lube, several condoms, and an ex-lover’s toothbrush. Said drawer now contains a Bible, a rosary, and an El Shaddai handkerchief. In blue.
It’s quite refreshing how seemingly content I am with how mundane my life currently is. I’m starting to fall into this comfortably boring routine of work, domesticity, and the standard weekend rum-a-thon with friends. And camwhoring.
(Yay, I finally figured out how to play with my camera settings. I hate that my stupid Cybershot doesn’t have manual mode.)
That’s all.
WHAT A WEIRDZ!
I’ve been making lots of lists lately for the sole reason that I am out of stuff to blog about, and have resorted to documenting everything with my handy-dandy camera.
Anyway, because everyone else has come up with their “What’s Weird About Me” list, here’s mine. Bah.
1. When buying tees (or Samsonite luggage lol), I have the habit of getting one kind/style in different colors and even in different sizes. An example would be my (fake!) green Aeropostale top; I have it in medium and large. Also, in navy blue. I blame this on having all the colors of the basic Giordano tee when I was in grade school.
2. I never learned how to type properly. My fingers are all over the keyboard when I type. I never thought this was weird until my co-worker Joie noticed it. “Ang kulit mo mag-type! Pero ang bilis pa rin!”
3. My brain becomes paralyzed when assaulted with texts written in Filipino. It freezes as my eyes try to make sense out of the words. And then the words become one big blur. I can speak, write, and read in Filipino, of course, but with effort and with great stupidity. I once said: At nawalan siya ng eksena. It doesn’t help that my housemates are stupid, too, when it comes to speaking the language.
4. I like doing the dishes, the laundry, and cleaning the bathroom because I like the smell of soap, and the feel of bubbles on my fingers. If all things fail, I think I can make a career out of being a maid in Italy.
5. My favorite punctuation mark would be the comma, and I abuse it like anything. The comma would be followed by the semi-colon, and then the hyphen. This is weird, because I actually have a favorite punctuation mark.
6. I hardly have any sense of authority. That doesn’t mean I don’t know who my superiors are; it’s just that I socialize with them in a way that I would with my friends (I bonk my direct supervisor on his head with his keyboard wrist supporter whenever he coaches me). Those whom I can’t get chummy with, I avoid like the plague.
7. I pronounce Tuesday as Tee-yous-day. A video! Hosted on Photobucket because Youtube sucks.
I know it looks like I have a gap between my two front teeth. I do have a gap, but it’s not really that noticeable. Now stop making fun of me :( It’s not my fault that my momma was a hillbilly.
8. My favorite part on a man’s body would be his armpits. It’s a deal breaker. Unsnuggly armpits = bye bye.
9. I name every inanimate object, whether they be mine, or someone else’s. This may be somewhat normal, as we name things to stress our ownership. But have you ever met my water pitchers Oscar, Bettita, and Nicanor? And my hnagers whose names all start with the letter ‘P’? I thought so.
10. I’m OC when it comes to how my browsers/windows are arranged. If they’re not in order, I have to close everything and re-launch all my programs.
Bah. I can only name ten and they’re all lame.
Also, this is me pretending to be serious at work. But if you look closely, you’ll see that I’ve just started a game of Free Cell.
THAT LOVIN’ FEELING.
Don’t you miss waking up right next to this?
Obviously, I have nothing non-emo to blog about. That’s all.
A LATE FRIDAY FIVE ii.
Fridays are so chaka, especially if it coincides with payday. The laws of physics were once again defied during my MRT ride from Cubao to Buendia. I don’t get it. Why are people so gung-ho about spending their salaries immediately?
Surprisingly, the sweaty masses, the long lines, and the horrid Buendia traffic failed to sour my disposition. Or maybe it did but I’m not one to willingly put myself in a bad mood, so I just shrugged it off and creeped out people by staring at them with super wide eyes.
Anyway, in an effort to save the horridness that was Payday Friday (or Super Sweldo Friday), here’s a list of five random things that gives me the happies.
1. MA LING. So I don’t know when I started choosing processed luncheon meat over the healthy goodness that is Century Tuna Lite, but I was most likely to have been drunk and starving when that happened. Man, I’m addicted to that stuff. Whenever I’m at the supermarket and find myself in the canned goods aisle, I put my hands to my cheeks (Home Alone-style) and go “Maaaa-liiiiiiiiing!” And there are Ma Ling hotdogs now!
2. STUPID SHOPPING. Sure, nothing makes me happier than buying new stuff. But nothing makes me happiest than buying stupid stuff. It’s so bad, really. A scene from Friday morning:
Allah and Helga are crossing Aurora to get to Katipunan after breakfast at Tapsi ni Vivian.
Allah: blah blah blah blah blah
Helga, who is half-listening, sees a guy peddling plastic wares cross their path: Dude, let’s buy a basin.
Allah: blah blah blah blah
Allah, who sees guy peddling plastic wares: blah blah— oh look, let’s buy a pail.
3. INSIDE JOKES. The short version of it would be ‘crazy inside jokes that only crazy people understand.’ The long version would be ‘Johnny Walker. Jose Cuervo. Jack Daniels. Sheryl Cruz.’
4. CHEATING THE GROCERY LIST. I love a well-stocked fridge and well-stocked kitchen cabinets. Obviously, Allah and I did the groceries this morning. Armed with a grocery list each and the motto “Whoever deviates from her list is panget”, we found ourselves roaming the aisles of our neighborhood Rustan’s Fresh FOR A PEN. So we could add stuff to our lists. “I swear! ‘Lion bedroom slippers’ was in my list! I didn’t cheat!”
5. RICE. I’ve been eating a lot lately and if I’m going to stuff my face with food on a thrice-a-day daily basis, I might as well eat something I like. Right? And rice gives color to my world, almost the same way that alcohol does. Another scene from Friday morning, again, with Allah:
Allah and Helga are standing in front of the gelatin/jello shelf in Rustan’s.
Helga: I wanna buy jello. Should we buy jello?
Allah: Yeah, why not? Do you know how to make jello?
Helga: Yup. But jello’s not filling. Should we buy jello?
Allah: Jello’s not filling?!
Helga: Ah. You know what we should eat with jello to make it filling?
Allah: What?
Helga: Rice.
Allah: Putangina, Helga.
Okay, back to work!
Copyright Helga Weber | May 2008 | Sitemap | Manila Barbie | Top
There are currently 354 posts and 5,373 comments, contained within 32 categories and 264 tags.
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 24. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
