Hi, guys, I’d like you to meet:

STAN, short for SATAN

HOLLY, short for HIJOLLHANDHA MAE

Stan and Holly are good friends, or so Stan would like to believe. Secretly though, Holly hates Stan’s good-looking guts because he is t3h g31g450m3. Often, Holly wishes she were Stan. But less gay.

On an almost daily basis, Stan pesters the shittles out of Holly, e-mailing her photos of Ricky Martin on the beach with his gay lover, LOLcats in glasses, and links to various how-to-give-a-good-rim-job and how-to-apply-purple-eyeliner-perfectly websites. He also hurts her very fragile “feelings” by calling her a fat bully.

A gay nerd and a fat bully. No wonder they understand each other so well.

HOLLY: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT A PUSSY, THAT STAN GUY IS.
HOLLY: Also, can you access Facebook?

STAN: Not with our office’s security. And Facebook is not fond of proxies.
STAN: I thought the Melchor guy’s flying back to Bangladesh?

HOLLY: Not yet not yet! He’s extended, but I don’t know when ’til. He doesn’t, either. Oh well. Not that attached. Although he mentioned that he’s starting to question a certain aspect of his life. But I know he’s not the kind of person who’d leave something as official as that.

STAN: So what are you thinking then? Are you probably hoping he’ll somehow change his mind and stay with you instead?

HOLLY: Uh, how about no? I’m not thinking of what’s going to happen eventually. Just enjoying the Right Now. We’re pretty honest with each other when it comes to these things (we don’t talk about emotions and stuff, though. He doesn’t, cos he said he doesn’t want to freak me out or scare me off. I don’t, because, well, I don’t have emotions to speak of anyways). It’ll make me sad when he leaves, yeah, but I knew from the very beginning what I was getting into. I also know that there’s going to be more men after him.

STAN: You’re definitely something else.
STAN: But what if he’s the one who gets clingy? Dun dun dunnnn…
STAN: Also, I’m eating rice with egg and ginataang kalabasa WHILE ON A CALL. Am I badass or what? And melon milk.

HOLLY: I’d take the rice and egg. Long call? I wish we could eat at our stations. Bastards.
HOLLY: If he gets clingy, then okay. I’ve dealt with clingy before.
HOLLY: Sigh. Two more hours.

STAN: Do you see yourself having a husband and kids in the future?
STAN: And I’m Ricky Lo.

HOLLY: Yes, of course. Dude, it would be awesome to get married, like, rightaboutnow. But I don’t have a concrete idea yet of what kind of person I want and such. So that’s pretty dangerous thinking right there.

STAN: You wont. You’ll just feel that he’s the right one, regardless of what kind of person he might be.

And just like that, Stan gains 15exp and levels up to become a Level 435 Faggornaut.

HOLLY: Dalshim or Dhalsim? How do you spell his name again? But to answer your question, nope. I can do a HADOUKEN!, though.

STAN: Im emailing Dan1el Salap0ng this thread right now. He can do yoga fire I heard.

HOLLY: WHO IS SAPOLONG ANYWAY? CAN I SUCK HIS COCK?

STAN: That’s SALAPONG. Sapolong is what you had for dinner last night.
STAN: Hey is Hairspray good? I’m verrrry interested in seeing Travolta in drag.

Once again and just like that, Stan gains 68exp and levels up to 436.

*Note: this imaginary conversation between the two imaginary characters was imagined three weeks ago.