Archive for November, 2007
November 30, 2007 at 2:39 am | Filed under made in the Philippines
This Trillanes guy, what a funny. Nothing came out of the Oakwood Mutiny so what made him think he and his little army would get anything out of besieging the Manila Pen? On second thought, he did get something out of the bloodless mutiny from four years ago: a seat in the senate. Just shows how what-a-not-thinkings the Filipino masses are.
SERIOUSLY. I was asleep when the quasi-coup happened. Lover and I were planning on catching a movie in the Makati area because he’s leaving me for the weekend (HEY BOYS, I’M GIRLS! WANT SOME SMEXY NO-STRINGS ATTACHED SEXY TIME SATURDAY NIGHT??? CALL ME! LOVER IS OUT OF TOWN… oh wait, look, an email. What? He missed his flight?! WHAT? His flight was really for Friday night and he was stuck in traffic for over two hours on his way to the airport, for nothing? HYUK HYUK HYUK, THIS LOVER PERSON, FUNNIER THAN TRILLANES)… wait. What was I saying?
Again. So I was sleeping when our hero decided to waltz out of his court hearing. I was still sleeping when whatever happened at the Manila Pen happened. I got a text message from lover saying that due to the “stupid coup” we won’t be able to go on our Makati Movie Date so can he just use my body for secks, please? Fine by me. I was still in bed when our hero and his crew surrendered to the mighty mighty tank that busted down the lobby of the Manila Pen. Oh, the hilarity of it all. I’ve had foul moods that lasted longer than this BS.
I’m willing to bet my inheritance that we’ll be seeing Danilo Lim running for office in a few years.
November 27, 2007 at 3:23 am | Filed under mr wonderful, screen queen
THURSDAY:
Wait, Thursday? Since when was Thursday part of the weekend, you not-a-thinking, you?
Since never, actually.
FRIDAY:
At exactly sometime-around-4:in-the-afternoon, I receive a message from work saying that my leave for the day was approved. I jumped up and down, raised my arms in the air to expose my CHUBBY ARMPITS (as lover described them /wrist), and leaped into lover’s arms. And because he is a waif who needs to be hospitalized whenever I punch him in the face in my sleep, I accidentally broke his back.
I nursed him back to health with my awesome Nurse Helga skills (what, you didn’t know I was a nurse? Dude, don’t you know? All Filipinos are nurses) and off we went to the Ortigas area where I satisfied my God complex by buying (a pirated copy of) Sims 2. And then because lover needed his James Marsden fix, we saw Enchanted.
*insert witty caption here*
SATURDAY:
I install Sims 2. At exactly sometime-around-9:in-the-evening, lover comes to pick me up. I open the door in my underwear, give him a quick peck on the lips, and run back to my laptop.
He manages to force me into getting dressed for this:
Cinemalomo at Cinematheque at Mogwai Cafe at Cubao X. Yeba.
So we can give moral support and throw my panties at this:
BDSL/KF: Official Cinemalomo 2007 entry. Double feature starring underground lomo cinema actress Allah Katipunanstar (RIP 1985-2007). Directed by Drew Passport and Tatit Roa. Taking some silly camera club to the next level. Werd.
Read the little poster text here. Watch the trailer here.
By “adults only” they meant ADULTS ONLY: gratuitous boob scenes, unnecessary nudity, legs spread wide open over an innocent Tanduay bottle, inappropriate name dropping, language not suitable for young audiences and the easily offended pussies. Lover was watching with one hand over his left eye. It’s that bitchin’. Umm, okay.
SUNDAY:
Helga, at exactly sometime-around-5:in-the-afternoon, to self: Mkae. Second day of having Sims 2 in my laptop and I still can’t use the build tool and I’m kinda sick of just creating family after family. This sucks. Maybe I need to buy a mouse? Okay. I go buy mouse at Gateway.
Helga, at exactly sometime-around-7:in-the-evening, to self: Mkae. I have mouse now and a bunch of blank CDs so I can install Sims University and Night Life. I go build the perfect Sims Woo-hoo! pad and seduce Don Lothario away from that Caliente sister.
Helga, at exactly sometime-around-7:in-the-evening, to self: FAWK. THE. WHAT??? I still can’t build houses?! WHAI! These stupid pre-built condo houses are confusing! My Sim can’t have a bathroom that tiny! And these windows are hideous! And the flooring looks like someone emptied their bladder all over it and didn’t bother cleaning up!
Helga, still at exactly sometime-around-7:in-the-evening, to self: Bah. I go kill my KFC 2-piece chicken meal because I Am Frustrated. And lover better get here before I eat his.
Helga, at exactly sometime-around-9:in-the-evening, to self: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LAPTOP WHY IS IT TAKING TEN MINUTES TO REBOOT WHY IS THE SOUND GARBLED WHY WON’T SYSTEM RESTORE WORK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!
Helga, at exactly sometime-around-11:in-the-evening: *hurls laptop at lover*
Lover: *bewildered, yet sexy look* WHAT?!
Helga: *stomps right foot repeatedly* FIX IT!
And my very macho and very manly lover saves the day.
So much for Sims 2. But I will not give up! Three options:
1) Buy a new pirated Sims 2 installer, one without bugs.
2) Buy/borrow a non-pirated Sims 2 installer (anyone???).
3) Buy more RAM for my laptop.
Before anyone asks: I didn’t stay sober over the weekend. I had five rumcolas which translates into 15 shots of La Tondeña. Pretty light for a Saturday night.
November 21, 2007 at 12:35 am | Filed under ditz drivel, screen queen
Last May, the douchebags over at the CW cancelled this:
VERONICA MARS: ONLY THE BESTEST SHOW EVER MADE.
(And yay, no Piz in the picture)
And then they gave us (us? Who?) this:
GOSSIP GIRL: TOTAL PHAIL.
Read the rest of this entry »
November 13, 2007 at 12:02 am | Filed under a waste of human capital
I do not proclaim myself to be a writer or a graphic designer or a web designer. Truth be told, and judging by how I’ve been spending the last twenty months of my life, you could sum up who I am in three very painful words: call center agent.
I doubt that growing up, any one dreamed of being a call center agent. Hell, this job description didn’t even come into Philippine existence ’til the early 00s. My grade school yearbook (by the way, I look like a total turd in it with my stupid headband and Madonna gap) says that I wanted to be scientist when I was 11. My high school yearbook tells a story of a swimming Hanson fan girl (and that’s it, thank goodness they left out that one incident back during our freshman year when I kicked Anton Dator in the nuts). My college yearbook (which has yet to be printed, I’m guessing) says that I will one day be relevant. I no longer want to be a scientist, I’m no longer a swimmer, I’ve managed to tone down my Hanson fanaticism, and I still want to and will be relevant.
But how can I, when I am merely an overworked, underpaid, and robotic call center agent, ya?
I am writing this all here because one day (hopefully, in the very near future. Like, early next year) I hope to look back to this entry and feel a sense of pride that I refused to be stuck in this blackhole. And that I actually took steps to get out of it, instead of silently and loudly bitching about how frustrated I am with my life.
No, I am not going back to finish my Thesis as I might just end up banging my head on the tiled Lanai floor of Miriam College. No, I am not going back to school, though I whole-heartedly wish I could go back in time, back to when I was 17 and filling up course application forms. Instead of deciding to take up some useless course like International Politics, I would’ve majored in Communication Arts or Business Administration, specializing in E-commerce. If I knew I’d end up flipping an Avaya phone the middle finger every time a beep would come through my headset less than a year after college, I would’ve rid myself of my “Eh ano ngayon kung di ako papakainin ng prinsipyo ko? Mayaman si Mama! O eto, International Studies, majoring in International Politics! Isang kurso na walang ka-demand demand sa Australia!” mentality.
My life has admittedly been made up of one bad decision after another, in the same way that my “love” life has been made up of one boyfriend after the other. I’d think it cool, if I probably were 14 with an uneven haircut and the tips of my hair dyed blonde and totally into the whole Myspace drama scene. But I’m freaking 22 years old. Ten years ago, I thought that by the time I hit my early 20s, I’d be a successful novelist churning out bestsellers, engaged to a certain blonde musician, and living in some hick suburb in Oklahoma. What a LOL, the reality that is Helga Weber now.
So. A big hopeful sigh here. The desire to resign from this job and quit this industry has never been stronger and the need to be somewhere and something else has never been more appealing. And surprise surprise, there’s actually progress!
And forgive me for turning sappy, but there are two people I’d like to thank for helping me come to this realization. Lover, who told me that I’m too pretty to be working in a call center (lol) and that I could be So. Much. More. My mom (who is dangerously close to finding this blog, and I’m totally crossing my fingers she sticks to Friendster) whom I disappointed by letting go of my academics just so I could be financially independent. She allowed me to be the stubborn person that I am, never tried to impose what she wanted for me, yet offered her help when I told her I’m getting out. And took me shopping, too! Her words when I informed her of my plans to leave my only source of income, take up these courses, and not move back home: tell me whatever you need so I can help you out.
I just wish I could ask her for rent money.
Now I go back to serious writing.
November 9, 2007 at 12:10 am | Filed under ditz drivel
(Cos it’s really called a SLAM BOOK, you silly men, you. I guess Slumbook is the Filipino version of the word? But anyways.)
Name: Helga “The” Weber
Nickname/s: The, LOLkitty, Helgrrr
Hometown: Some Shitty Building, Loyola Heights
Birthday: May 31, 1985
Zodiac Sign: Gay Man in a G-string Reprazent
Motto: No ID, no entry.
Describe yourself.
My name is Helga, but you can call me Fe. SAF, 22, looking for Mr Right Man who will take me seriously as his partner. Preferrably from the States or maybe Turkey, but Philippines is okay, too. I am sweet, sincere, sexy, no kids and very much available. I’m your typical Filipina— mahinhin (not malandi! Never!!!), God-fearing, I believe in ligaw, kind, caring, honest, loyal, faithful, and hard-working. Yet I am vibrant and fun and independent! Never a dull moment with me!
I enjoy long walks around Luneta Park, smelling flowers, bicycle rides around QC circle at night, eating fishballs and isaw at UP on Sundays, and watching TV. My hobbies include texting, cooking, collecting stickers, and writing to my pen pals at least once or twice a week.
I am seeking a loving and caring and stable and responsible man who has a great sense of humor and is not afraid to show his true feelings. Age range is 40-45.
Are you ready? I’d love to be with you, always and forever. Beauty fades, but character remains. Godbless.
Who was your first love?
God.
…Okay, so that’s not true. His name was Gene Paolo Dimalanta and we were fifth-grade classmates. He was the smartest kid in class and I guess that’s what spawned the silly schoolgirl crush. Twelve years later, I still find myself gravitating towards men who make me feel intellectually inadequate.
Define love.
Love is never having to say you’re sorry. Also, the only man who is worthy to make a woman cry is that man who will never make you cry. Text me! 09162325748!
HUH?
What is your ambition?
To be president and make Taylor Hanson my first lady.
What do you hope to achieve out of this?
I don’t know what this refers to, but to answer: a street in Cubao named after me.
Dedication.
Thanks, fren!! Take care cuz I don’t care, fren!!~
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
