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Crash Diets Are My Emotional Cure-All

Let it be known to the world that I, Helga “The” Weber, a Filipino citizen of legal age residing in Loyola Heights, Quezon City, am probably having what could easily be tagged as The Worst Days of My Life.

You bet I wish I were exaggerating.

Now the last thing I want to happen is to immortalize the past few shitty days in the form of a blog entry that will magically have, well, the magical capabilities of Never Being Deleted. So I won’t write about it. Yes, I’m that traumatized. Instead, what I’ll do is go on a hunger strike!

This works perfectly, in pursuit of my lifelong ambition of becoming a trophy wife. I mean, I can’t sit on my ass all day, stuffing my face with insane amounts of convenience store breaded chicken strips while smoking pack after pack of Marlboro Reds and expect that some rich, good-looking, condominium building-owning old man would sweep me off my feet and bribe me (with all the KFC bucket meals I can eat, WarBook goldses, and tabloid articles about me three times a week) into a loveless marriage, can I? I mean, have you ever heard of a fat trophy wife? Can you even fathom the idea of one???

So my point is this: Hunger strike. Tic-Tacs and vodka diet. Dulcolax. Until I start feeling better or lose 10 pounds.

Today, I bleat at the world (while checking out equestrian apparel): MEH.

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14 Comments

  • Reply alohapenny December 4, 2007 at 5:43 am

    Your shirt looks wet too. If it werent for the hair being dry, i’d think that you just came from the pool or someone threw a pail of water at you. ;) NOOOO to diet! Think of the chickins, they be saded if you dont eated them anymore. (ok even in LOLkittynese my grammer sucks, shut up)

  • Reply Holly December 4, 2007 at 5:46 am

    o.O
    Dieting = bad.
    Maybe go to gym instead if you’re really worried about being overweight!

  • Reply Ade December 4, 2007 at 10:18 am

    I hasz a ditez too but I broked it.

  • Reply Laarni December 4, 2007 at 11:36 am

    It’s already Decembah, remambah?

  • Reply Tracy December 5, 2007 at 5:52 am

    You and your stupid hunger-strikes. Yer so skinny anyways!

    But if it makes you happy… does it? xx

  • Reply Fritz December 5, 2007 at 10:06 am

    You don’t need a diet! (that was for helgrr, Ade, not you)

  • Reply Baddie December 5, 2007 at 10:58 pm

    Whatta sexy sweaty neck. I’m pretty sure threepogi would like to touch it.

  • Reply thegreatest December 6, 2007 at 12:39 pm

    “I mean, have you ever heard of a fat trophy wife? Can you even fathom the idea of one???”

    Hm..yeah, I guess. Even Jabba wanted Princess Leia in a cool metal bikini. =p

    Yer not fat! If you’re fat then I’m morbidly obese. Ha!

  • Reply Adam Mordo December 6, 2007 at 4:09 pm

    And if you’re fat and he’s morbidly obese, then that would make me…Jabba the Hutt.

    Also, if you must go on a starvation diet, skip the tic-tacs. Go for fruits. It saves you from having to take Dulcolax too.

  • Reply Katy December 9, 2007 at 8:17 pm

    HUNGER STRIKE?! HOW COULD YOU! lol =P

  • Reply Laarni December 10, 2007 at 2:30 pm

    Do you hiphopsabsiiing already?

  • Reply Tasha December 16, 2007 at 10:32 am

    lol, “So my point is this: Hunger strike. Tic-Tacs and vodka diet. Dulcolax. Until I start feeling better or lose 10 pounds.” Breakfast of champions! yumm

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