The universe must be wonky this time of the year— it’s almost the weekend and I have yet to lust for alcohol. Most of you would probably see this as a good thing, but I’m telling you now: IT. IS. NOT.
You see, children, there was a time in my life when I was actually sober for roughly six months. By “sober”, I mean one beer a week (usually on a Saturday night after dinner and a movie). I also remember that for about two months during my senior year in college when my bloodstream and whatever biological pathways that alcohol courses through in my bodeh were completely— and I mean COMPLETELY— devoid of alcohol.
It all sounds preposterous, I know, and you might think that I’m bullshitting you or perhaps writing about a girl named Melba who lives with her grandmother Zenaida (because her parents are OFWs in Dubai) in some rundown apartment unit in Novaliches. Melba whose hobbies include cross-stitching the face of Jesus and macrame. Melba whose biggest secret is that she has a crush on her next-door neighbor, Jojo, and that she collects his discarded candy wrappers and keeps them in a box under her bed. Melba who drinks Cali Shandy and whose ideal night out would be trolling her village’s streets at 10 in the evening dressed in a Lee Pipes or a Jag Thug shirt and Dr Lee denim shorts, both two sizes too small. With her cellphone in hand.
No, kids, I was writing about myself. I don’t always fail at taking a shot at sobriety.
My weekend is less than an hour away (I’m on leeeeave! I’m on leeeeeeave!) and it’s a bit puzzling that getting hammered isn’t part of the plan. I don’t even have a plan. I’ve texted half the people in my phonebook asking if anyone wanted to watch The Golden Compass with me and not one of them had the clemency to reply to poor li’l DESPERATE-FOR-A-FUCKING-FRIDAY-NIGHT-OUT me.
Is it because they’re scared I’ll end up dragging them to the nearest watering hole as soon as the movie ends? Is it because I disgusted them when, a few days ago, I texted them asking if they could hook me up with Valium or Stilnox or a hosto from Tondo or all three? Or is it because I only have two people in my phone book and instead of texting lover (who is impotent and would rather fap off to motobikes than spend time with me), I sent the message to my mom (who, as we speak, is probably disowning me and packing all my Antipolo belongings in a cardboard box to store in our carport. Or in the vacant lot beside our house. For the cats and dogs to mangle and defecate on)? Or is it because I’m black?
Yeah. It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?
Here’s a picture from last Saturday night, taken at Cubao X during Lomomanila‘s Christmas party. With me is— no, not Melba— Mina, whom I went to college with. Now let’s play a game of Spot The Difference.
Is it our hair? No.
Our eyes (she’s winking, I’m not)? No.
Our shirts? No.
She has more things dangling from her neck? No.
WHAT THEN, FOR FUCK’S SAKE???
She has a degree in International Studies. I don’t.
Hi, I'm Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 25 and in the process of learning how to make adventurous life choices. I dislike old people but I love grandma clothes. My goal in life is to build a ball pit right next to my bed. Currently searching for the perfect house coat. My lover is the greatest. 
It’s coz you’re black.
Oh, and you smell.
=p
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December 10th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Remind me again how we started talking about sex-scented candles?
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Get a degree then. :p
You are prettier naman. :p
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December 10th, 2007 at 10:21 pm
I WILL get a degree. BS Trophy Wife.
Mina = reminds me of Michelle Williams. I shit you not. HEAR THAT, MINA?
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Si Melba? Yung ex ni Jek-Jek ng Alpha Alpha Kwenta fraternity?
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December 10th, 2007 at 10:22 pm
Brods kayo?
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haha, looks like you’re bushing x10! you should trying stitching like gloves or hats lol could be fun
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Right. Get a degree then… lol. You’re beautiful Helga. :D
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whatever, im blacker than you! hahaha~ ;D
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I wish I took International Studies. Baaahhh.
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Your blogs are fucking hilarious and crazy!
I love that third paragraph so so so much.
Please write a novel and send me a copy.
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Hey! My grandmother’s name is Zenaida! Srsly. Her generation calls her Zenda, pronounced as “Sinda” because she’s from Iloilo. She could have been a legend if only she knew how to play tunes off grass reeds and conjure falcons and stallions.
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December 10th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
One of my co-workers here is named Zendy and she’s from Iloilo and Imma ask her if she eats grass and plays with falcons!
What?
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you didant txt me! and you werent at lolen’s last saturday :(
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December 10th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
C-ZO AND I DIDANT KNOW YOUD BE AT LOLEN’S, FOO’!
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Didn’t she transfer to CSB? :P
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eeck! the picture’s so big! O_O and i look gross (i was breaking out that time). actually, there’s not much difference between us college-wise. i transferred to another school coz someone from miriam (forgot her name. basta the head of some office) was giving me hell and decided not to let me take the final exams and thus, failing me (and dragging all my other subjects down). I hate her forever.
hehe, anyway, I emailed you another pic, the one with drew. :D
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correct me if I’m wrong but this is the longest your hair has been since I’ve known you, I think.
didn’t you go to Fix to have Lorna chop your hair off every 2 weeks or something? haha =)
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December 20th, 2007 at 10:48 pm
Thereeeeeeeeeeeese!!!!!!!!!!
Haha, ya, that’s the longest ever. An inch below my boobies now. And OMG, you remember Lorna. I havent been to Fix since April!
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I actually got it on the first try! YES!
Do I get a prize?
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