behind the scenes

Workplace Hell: The Washroom

It is unfortunate that I— a person who pees a lot— works for a company called Slave-Driving Bastards, Inc.; unfortunate, not only because they are slave-driving bastards who don’t give you the holidays off, but they also only allot their employees ten personal break minutes throughout a 9-hour shift. And don’t get me started on personal minutes being bad minutes because I have too much anger coursing through my veins right now. Blood drive, what? HOW ABOUT I FUCKING DONATE 20CC OF RED HOT ANGER YOUR WAY, ASSHOLE?

It is also unfortunate that there are only four washrooms per floor of our building, one for each sex on each wing. There are about 200-300 agents per wing. I’m sure that about half of that 200-300 are made up of humans with vaginas. So that’s maybe 100-150 vagina-bearing humans sharing Four. Fucking. Bathroom. Stalls.

Until last Monday, when they hung an Out of Order sign on one of the doors.

That’s maybe 100-150 vagina-bearing humans sharing Three. Fucking. Bathroom. Stalls. Since Monday.

It doesn’t really bother me. What bothers me is when I need to, like, REALLYFUCKINGGO (like OMG, can you see the crotch of my jeans darkening? YEAH, I NEED TO GO, LET ME IN RIGHT NOW) and I hit Aux-1 on this godforsaken Avaya phone and then dash to the washroom and—

Is there a party or a prayer meeting going on in the ladies’ washroom? Or did everybody decide to have their lunch here? What’s with all the people?

So I stand there with my butt resting on the sink, my feet going tap-tap-tap and my arms crossed while I wait for a free stall. Usually, there’s a line of about 3-4 vagina-bearing humans waiting for their turn. And because we’re human beings and we’re all supposed to be nice, common courtesy dictates that if you were the first person in the washroom to wait for a free stall, YOU GO FIRST. If you’re the second person, YOU GO SECOND. And so on. I don’t care if you’re the eighteenth person in there and you’re literally pissing your pants and crying, YOU GO EIGHTEENTH.

Unless someone takes pity on you, of course, and let’s you go ahead of them.

So I could really shank a bitch when someone messes the order of things and is rude enough to take my place in line. Like, I could shank that certain bitch. The one who messed up the order of things. Because you just don’t do that!

A few minutes ago, someone attempted to do exactly just that to me. Did she think I was, I don’t know, just hanging out in the washroom, staring at the putrid orange doors and NOT waiting in line to pee? The second I heard the door’s metal lock slide to (surprise!) unlock and the second I saw her make a step towards the stall, I fucking RAN. I tell ya. I RAN. I cut her off, RAN inside the stall, and slammed it shut.

More common courtesy that should be exhibited in the washroom: do not hog the sink. Especially when there are only two.

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  • Reply Ade December 20, 2007 at 6:34 am

    What is a “10-minute personal break” and why doesn’t my workplace have those?

    • Reply Helga December 20, 2007 at 8:51 pm

      R U SERIOUS? So what minutes do you consume for bio breaks?

      • Reply keysi December 23, 2007 at 8:13 pm

        their’s aren’t timed, so you can make wee-wee all day. i think it’s the same across all call centers.

        • Reply Helga December 24, 2007 at 11:18 am

          Not in PeopleSupport or eTelecare :blah:

  • Reply Katy December 20, 2007 at 9:02 am

    Maybe you just need to get a new job… with more washrooms. =0

  • Reply crisel December 20, 2007 at 12:53 pm

    nice one. it’s good thing you get to cut her off. i’m always, always irritated by that. anywhere.

  • Reply Juice December 20, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    These vagina bearing humans, what a pissers.

  • Reply alohapenny December 20, 2007 at 2:09 pm

    We only have 5 floors in my work place, which has about 200 agents each, but we have 6 stalls in each bathroom.

  • Reply Laarni December 20, 2007 at 2:19 pm

    Ooh that sucks. I’ve never experienced that in a working place.

    You’ll get another UTI there if that continues. lol.

  • Reply J December 20, 2007 at 3:41 pm

    Haha hell yeah you cut her off to that stall

  • Reply jaywalker December 21, 2007 at 2:14 am

    Vagina bearing humans have way too many protocols in the washroom

    Penis bearing humans don’t have to worry about queues and stuff

    • Reply thegreatest December 21, 2007 at 8:29 am

      on that note, we don’t even have to worry about bathrooms, sometimes.

      • Reply keysi December 23, 2007 at 8:18 pm

        and 20 of us can pee in one toilet all at the same time.

  • Reply Coco December 21, 2007 at 1:57 pm

    Tell me more about the 100-150 vaginas on your floor. You probably can’t, can you? So I’ll probably just go. Bye.

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