behind the scenes

Life as an Unemployed 20-something Waiting for Her Life to Start

I have decided that the concept of life as an unemployed 22-year old waiting for her life to start would make perfect chick lit material, and that I should put my talent (lolwhat?) for stringing words together to form sentences and paragraphs to good use by writing that sort of novel. But I’m lazy and chick lit heroines are required to have the one thing that I lack and that my friends, is a resume stating that she graduated top of her class from some prestigious and insanely expensive university.

So I’m royally bored. Last night, lover asked me what my plans were for today. I replied with “Nothing…and I LOVE it!”. And I do. I woke up at a little past 11 today and I couldn’t decide what, of my many options, to do first: play Sims 2? Finish watching Shopgirl? Finish watching Lucky Number Slevin (yes, I have a habit of watching movies in halves)? Watch The Ten for the second time? Shower? Clean our guest bathroom? Go online? Work on this blog’s new layout? Guess which of those I didn’t do (clue: it includes scrubbing, detergent, bleach, and a toilet brush).

It’s scaring me shitless, though, knowing that I have voluntarily rendered my bank account stagnant and I won’t be drawing a salary until further notice. The other day, I stood outside our bathroom as my housemate was taking a shower (conversations when the other party is naked and covered in soap suds makes for, well, good conversation) and I told her the amount I had in my bank account and how I only have enough to last me until the next month’s rent (I actually had enough to pay for three months plus a little more but our “contract” ends in February and then I move back home until I figure things out. Also, rent isn’t the only thing I pay for; I DO send an economically-disadvantaged kid in Bangladesh to school and donate to charity. Okay, so I’m lying and now I feel bad) and she told me that I had a lot. I said NO!!! DON’T YOU KNOW? I DONATE TO CHARITY! and she said “Well, you have your folks.”

True that.

Right now, my head is in my hands, as I think of ways to swindle money from my mom. Kidding, mom’s actually agreed to finance whatever “academic” whims I have that need financing (but I doubt she’d agree to send me back to an actual university or college for another eight semesters) and it’s annoying that now that I know I have a safety net in the form of a 46-year old woman, I’m starting to not want to do anything with my life. I’m probably going to end up the typical Filipino: 36-years old with 3 kids (different fathers, no husband) still living with her folks.

I need a good nudge and perhaps the will to start going through the reading materials that my personal career coach (who also doubles as the lover) has so sexily provided me. My eBooks, let me show you it:

Nevermind that he totally ignored the fact that I don’t have a dSLR or a camera that’s spiffier than my Cybershot.

So. What now. Life, are you there? It’s me, Helga.

Edit// I checked my email and found a letter from the past, from me, to me:

One year from now, when you read this, I hope you’ll be happy and loved. Same as the last letter you sent yourself. You read it just a few days ago; you had wished yourself (more than a year ago) to be happy and loved. You were, when that letter came. And now you’re not.

OMG, the emo-ness. But I am happy. And loved. But more importantly, loving. :cute:

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  • Reply J January 4, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    I think you should kidnap your goddaughter and run away because I can see your flickr and she is so damn cute.

    I could never read books on the computer. Even books on things like CSS I would much rather have physically in front of me. Same for day planners. Everyone is in love with Google Calendar but I need a planner I can write on with a pen.

    I am trying so so hard to make rent, even if I have to pay a late fee, without having to resort to begging my mother. You are lucky you have a full bank account. Rent is due and I have $20 in my account tops.

    Quitting your job and then having that instant freedom and high class problem of not knowing what to do with your day is THE BEST feeling. But now that I’m doing freelance and have been for a few months, I sort of wish I had commitments. But only like 2 commitments a week would be preferred.

  • Reply Y January 4, 2008 at 5:48 pm

    the only ebooks i have are literotica. if i have to stare at my computer, i need some literal mindfuck yanno?

    i have the same halves-habit. with books. sometimes i go to the library n pick up books and they still have my folded corners on em. sign that im the only one that reads garbage.

  • Reply Laarni January 4, 2008 at 9:37 pm

    Uhmm be a member of PayPerPost?

  • Reply cyn January 5, 2008 at 3:34 am

    your blog is interesting to read. i’ll be back for more.

    helga- GO GET A JOB! LOL!! i think that’s why i have become so lazy. my mama is always babying me. buying whatever i need. and now that she moved, i don’t know what to do w/ myself! * sigh *

  • Reply direk January 5, 2008 at 6:13 am

    helga, you are OUR only hope. GO! Napa-emo ako waaaaahh… btw, saw sexy lover on my way to work tonight.

  • Reply Holly January 5, 2008 at 9:48 am

    I love, it’s awesome…and it’s fun to send letters to other people too, lmao!

  • Reply mara January 5, 2008 at 8:28 pm

    I want your reading list.

  • Reply Alina January 6, 2008 at 4:20 am

    HELGGAAA! Happy 2008th to you as well! (KIIISSSSS)

  • Reply Kayla January 6, 2008 at 7:44 am

    Hope you get some money for the rent. My life’s kinda in a boring, ‘I don’t know what to do with myself, rut as well–but you sound like your having a great time with yours! I was for awhile and then it got old really fast…

  • Reply J January 6, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    I LOVVVVE this layout!!

  • Reply Tracy January 6, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    A new layout with huge helga rawr :)

  • Reply chase January 8, 2008 at 10:53 am

    Hallo Helga and happy new year to you dear even though this is somewhat late. Anyway, I also downloaded some ebooks but I rarely read those.

  • Reply Pau January 8, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    You think you have it bad? For three years, my boss has been telling me how much I suck at my job. I could quit, but then who can I get my money from considering my boss is my mother?

  • Reply Kenneth January 8, 2008 at 5:52 pm

    I bet you’re never going to read all those eBooks anyway. Maybe a few of them. For a few pages.

  • Reply sam January 8, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    oh yays you are getting 2008 on. i like that thing where you write to yourself…hahahaha i might just do it right now

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