Good morning, Helga, today is going to be an aaaawessssome! day! You woke up at 5am— three and a half hours before your class— giving you enough time to laze about and squeeze in some quality time with your Sims 2 families before having to embark on the wonderful one hour trip to school. You BOUNCE! out of bed, SKIP! to the kitchen, make your coffee with a HUGE SMILE! on your face (my my, someone’s perky this morning), and PLOP! DOWN! HAPPILY! in front of your laptop.
At 630am, you exit Sims 2, put on some Handsome Boy Modeling School, and dance around your living room as you CHEERFULLY! and EXCITEDLY! prepare yourself for work school. Jeans? Check. Top? Check. Flipflops? Check. Panties? Check. Bra? Why, check! Make-up? Check! All the nifty and useless things that go into your bag? Check!
Now say it like Spongebob: I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready!
You’re out your front door a little past 7am and after a trike ride, some walking, a quick LRT2 ride from Katipunan Station (the first and only underground air-conditioned station! Katipunan Kidz Reprazent!) to Cubao Station, and some more walking, you finally arrive at the Cubao MRT Station. Aaaahhhh. Smell that, Helga? That is not the smell of last Christmas’s dinner. That, my dear, is the vomit-inducing, appetite-killing, stomach-churning stenches of hell. Sometimes also known as the masses, but not when it’s this early morning and everyone looks like they just stepped out of the shower, what with their wet heads and the scent of Safeguard white on their skin.
Surprisingly, there are no lines this morning. What happy happy joy joy! You make your way up to the escalator leading to the platform and that’s when you see your first glimpse of the fiery pits of hell: A Massive Crowd.
Never the mind. The glowing red numbers on the station’s digital clock reads 720am. All’s good. It takes less than 15 minutes to get from Cubao to Buendia Station and it’s only a quick walk to your building from there. You SORTA-EAGERLY! join the crowd and wait patiently for the train.
Train comes. You get pushed to the left, the right, get pulled back a bit, and then pushed forward a bit— but never pushed forward enough to get your body inside the train.
Second train comes. You get pushed to the left, the right, get pulled back a bit, and then pushed forward a bit— but never pushed forward enough to get your body inside the train. This is all happening as you stand there, motionless. The crowd. It moves you! In an unpleasant and physical way.
Third train comes. No one gets out. No one gets in.
Fourth train comes.
Fifth train.
Sixth train. Someone’s breath stinks.
Seventh train. Can someone please, for the love of all things good and holy and cute, stop stepping on your toes?
Ninth train.
Tenth train. Lol. Someone’s fucking with you. You been waiting for 20 minutes now.
Eleventh train. You get pushed. Left. Right. Left. Right. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh no you di-i-n’t. Up. Up. Down. Down. Left. Right. Left. Right. A. B. Select. Start!
I’M SUPAAAAHH-CHARGED AND I GOTS 30 LIVES, IMMA KILL YOU ALL!!!!!!!! LET! ME! IN! THE! MOTHER! FUCKING! TRAIN!
And to that fagface who kept on cursing and yelling “PARANG MGA DI BABAE!” (Trans: Oooh, you guys are so rough! Like men! Que horrorz!) while the crowd so nicely pushed her inside the train: you stupid.
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
Kudos for including the Konami Code in an already awesome post.
HAHAHAHHA OMG THIS POST IS FREAKING AWESOME… I swear giggled through the entire thing!!
Anyway, I remember I when I use to take the [skytrain] to school in the morning. I learned how to place myself strategically on the platform so I’ll get into the next train for sure. Thank god I don’t have to that public transit anymore (for now) because it was freaking horrible!
Why don’t you ride with the wimmins in the first car of the train? They almost always have better standing room/space there. I hate riding the MRT during rush hour. If I can’t stay put in Makati during weekdays, I make sure I either hitch a ride or get a cab, IsweartoGod.
lol…friar fritz, didn’t you know? She WAS talking about the women’s stinkbox. You know? Where all sense of decency gets left at the turnstiles?
I was right at the front window of the car directly behind the women’s car last night on the MRT. I swear, I damn near threw jello and hot oil at the crazies for all wrestling that was going on there. Preggo ladies and old biddies were swinging machetes, I swur.
Dammit Cubao station is like the inner reaches of hell. And YES, you’d smell the masses in cubao station, even in the morning.
I’m also irritated with Cubao station in terms of the thick crowd going in the train, but I usually ride the MRT Northbound so MRT Cubao is a relief for me.
Go get yourself a car. :p
Your fabulousness doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment… Kill them! Kill them all with your 30 lives!
I love this post!!! Hahaha it felt like that when I was in Hong Kong (sans the smell of course). I’ve never actually been on an LRT or MRT in the Philippines. After reading this post, I wouldn’t really wanna try anymore.
helga, are you hiding from me?=(
Hey I live 10 mins away from cubao MRT and I can smell the masses from my window. Ok maybe not.
It’s like reading a horror from a fiction book… but I love how you talk about your day like reading Matilda or something.
So you ended up waiting for 20 trains???
Banshees one and all eh? LOI, That changes everything I ever believed and held true. I suicide nao. BRB
Now imagine that on speed. Nice.
ROFL sometimes you’re the one who gets pushed tapos sila pa magagalit sayo. Sarap hampasin ng bag minsan e