FRIDAY FIVE vii: VALENTINE DATE-SASTERS.

February 8, 2008 at 3:24 pm | Filed under lists, personal, the helga manual

Valentine’s Day is nearing and for some reason, I feel slightly compelled to write an entry relating to the occasion. I’m not about to bitch about my lacking a physical Valentine this year (much like last year) because despite the fact that I’m often single (though involved…a situation that sucks more than being just plain single) whenever February 14 comes around, I’m still a big fan of the day. Which I spend celebrating my love for friends. All together now: Sige, maglokohan tayo, Helga.

Given that, I am severely lacking experience when it comes to Valentine’s Day dates. But I’ve had my fair share, and so because blogging about how sad I am gets old fast (and quite honestly, I don’t want to wallow; coping and getting back to happy mode comes to me almost automatically, much like the way I move cards around in a game of Free Cell: I just click click click and before I know it, Mr King’s telling me I just won. Again. Fuck, what was I saying. I don’t want to wallow. There), I give you my five worst Valentine’s Day dates EVER (#5 being the lesser nightmare, #1 being an example of why drunk girls should never make very drunken and bad and stupid decisions to go out with dudes who ask them out two days before Valentine’s Day. YEAH, WE ALL KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING).

5 –

4 –

3 –

2 –

You think I’m stupid (and most likely drunk as I am typing this), but I’m trying to prove a point here. Also, I’m saving you time.

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BIBI GONE BYE-BYE. FOR NOW.

February 5, 2008 at 6:42 pm | Filed under breaking up the girl, mr wonderful

He hasn’t been gone a day and I’ve already consumed all the allowed sadness points a person can have for a lifetime. I know, I know. It’s lame, it’s dramatic, it makes you want to scratch my eyes out. But yeah. That’s all I have.

And there I was, watching Juno for the second time. Bad move; first time I saw this, we were in bed and he fell asleep before the ending. I was with him, when I got the DVD. I managed to topple over a microwaveable container filled with water that was sitting on the floor on my way back to my coffee, and all it got was a stupid stare from me. My 10-year old cousin texted, asking if I could make her a website. A 10-year old wanting her own website; they really start early nowadays. I automatically reached for my phone, ready to type in a message to send to lover to tell him about it. I managed to eke out a very very sad smile from myself. No one to say good morning to now, no one to bitch about my morning MWF MRT rides, no one to say “I love you” to, when I’m bored in class. Sigh.

At around 4pm, I get a message from YM on my phone, telling me it’s been activated or something like that. Someone’s in Taipei. It felt good, knowing where he is.

I’m never like this, and it’s hard to deal. I tried doing the dishes to keep my mind off of things and I ended up bawling my eyes out over the sink. Lover said that if it weren’t painful, it would’ve been comedic, like a scene out of a Nora Aunor flick. I clumsily almost dropped the water pitcher as I refilled my mug and good thing my housemate was around. A shoulder to cry on, literally. I just wish this wasn’t the reason why.

It feels worse than a break-up, because break-ups have a certain unavoidable finality to them that happen for all the right reasons. Like, we can’t be together because we’re bad for each other and it’s best we part ways, and then both parties agree; or, we can’t be together because you’re an asshole or because you’re a whore and I don’t wanna be with you anymore, so let’s just break up; or, you’re exasperating and needy and you’re driving me nuts, I don’t need this; or, I no longer love you and it’s unfair to the both of us to continue the relationship. Stuff like that. This situation is three levels of shit above (or maybe it’s below?) breaking up because it’s not even one, it’s not even the tragedy of love lost, yet it feels like it is.

It’s been a long day. A long week, actually.

I love you, dearest. Glad you loved the website and wasn’t gayed out by it. Crossing my fingers for June.

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BUT MAYBE I NEEDED IT.

February 4, 2008 at 2:09 pm | Filed under breaking up the girl

I told you not to look, and you looked.

I told you not to fucking look, and you fucking looked.

…

Just like that, I made everything worse.

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