behind the scenes

Camwhoring 101: Don’t Ever Do That!

As most of you already know (because the very day I got it, I messaged half of the people on my YM list), I was recently given a Flickr PRO account by a very awesome, very generous, and very sexy person (also known as my lover). Now I’m no photographer and I grudgingly make do with my stupid piece-of-shit point-and-shoot Sony Cybershot and Photoshop to come up with half-decent photos (I’m sorry, I take photos not pictures; same way that I watch films, not movies. Now HUHLOLZ with me, please). Amazingly enough I’ve been told (by lover and my mom) that I have an eye for photography and that I take nice photos (again, said by lover and my mom).

Lover even created another YM handle to “anonymously” message me (under the username t****ekicks) to say this:

t****ekicks: some nice pictures on you flickr. you should upgrade to a dSLR soon.
Helga: I know, haha. Thank you =)
(t****ekicks: Also, nice tits. Your face isn’t so bad but your mouth is so annoying, I feel the need to bitchslap it. Hard. With my penis.)

Oho, I'm so witteh! Look! Point and shoot!


But this entry isn’t about how I truly need to get rid of my POSPOS cam and get myself a snazzy dSLR (because really, I don’t want to bully an already stressed, very awesome, very generous, and very sexy person also known as my lover and pressure him into doing something he probably only meant half-heartedly by publishing in my blog that he plans on getting me one. One = dSLR). No siree.

I was chatting with a friend today and she happened to be on my Flickr account (not surprisingly, as I have been pimping it non-stop the past week). This is what she had to say:

Her: I hate these one angle girls. I want to punch them in the face lol
Her: I love how your pics have such variety

So I may not be a photographer but I sure am a camwhore (and a pretty damn good one, except when other people are taking my pictur— I mean, photos. Somehow, I always end up looking like a tool when I’m not the one doing the snapping). Give me five minutes with a camera and I’ll take about 200+ pictur— I mean, photos. Of myself. And maybe myself with a few random objects and someone else’s elbow.

Now because I am such an awesome awesome camwhore (it’s also probably the only thing in my life I’m good at, besides giving head), I’m here to give you a few quick and basic DON’T EVER DO THAT!s in camwhoring.

1. Never ever show your stupid arm.

2. Never ever shoot from the top of your stupid head.

3. Never ever shoot at stupid angles with stupid faces and stupid poses. Unless you’re a five-year old.

4. Never hold that camera in front of you with both arms extended and both hands holding the cam.

5. Never ever combine 1, 2, and 4. For the love of all things good and holy— NEVER EVER.

Let’s make the internet a nicer place to look at, mkae?

Disclaimer: All pictures of me doing ANY of the aforementioned (plus doing the annoying Kawaii! sign) are clearly Photoshopped or are from the year 2004. Kthx.

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  • Reply mimi May 1, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    Haha! I committed almost all of the no-no’s in this photo:

    But its more like I was being sarcastic. That was the last shot of that set.

    • Reply Helga May 1, 2008 at 7:44 pm

      I cant believe we’re not Multiply friends (yet) but LOLOLOL I think I know what picture you’re talking about and I did get the sarcasm vibes lol

  • Reply Liz May 1, 2008 at 8:49 pm

    ouch..guilty! :-D

    i am a one angle gal too. i hope i won’t get punched in the face. LOL

    • Reply Helga May 1, 2008 at 8:54 pm

      Did you click the link? LOL. I’d hate your make-up tuts and the FOTD pictures to be taken at a quarter angle.

  • Reply Liz May 1, 2008 at 8:50 pm

    *self-confessed* one angle gal, that is.. ;-)

  • Reply Triccie May 1, 2008 at 8:57 pm


  • Reply Fredda May 1, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    You’re soo lucky and I’m happy for you.

    I’m a two-angle girl myself because of the shape of my face. I only look like I have cheekbones in certain angles. ^^

    I’m excited to see more of your pictures~

  • Reply Tracy May 1, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    lmao :D

  • Reply Laarni May 1, 2008 at 9:38 pm

    haha nice tips!

    I am a one angle person because the other side doesn’t flatter me. lol.

    but gahhhh i clicked the link and wtf.

  • Reply brit. May 1, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    lmao! i love your blogs. at least you are a good camwhore. some people really look a hot mess trying to pull that off. and you lover is right, you have a good eye for photography. getting a dSLR would not be a bad idea! its really worth it.

  • Reply thegreatest May 1, 2008 at 10:37 pm

    Well my beautiful camwhore, you are the only one who can make wrong angles look good. =)

    Srsly, fatima is such an angry girl, LOL. Someone give her a hobby. O wait, she has one. Heh.

    At least we discover something about Mr. and Mrs. One Angle in that link you gave:

    They’re both right handed.

    Oh wait, also, they have bad angles, all from the right.

    Oh, and they take “pa-cute” to a different level. Not higher, just…different.

    Last, they’re ugleh.

    Puttin the pennies away for the dSLR nao.

    • Reply Helga May 2, 2008 at 7:25 pm

      Pennies pennies pennies! I love pennies! And you! ♥♥♥

  • Reply thegreatest May 1, 2008 at 10:45 pm

    Er…pahabol po.

    Boy, when your creative juices flow, they flooooooow. Wait, bad imagery. Argh.

    I mean, you said you had no ideas for an entry last night, and then I see this. I was LOL’ing from the first sentence and only stopped temporarily when I viewed the magnificence of Mr/Mrs One Angle, which drove me into a stunned silence.

    Then LOL’ed again, alla way to Kthx.

    I think your list can be safely expanded to 10 tho. But I guess that’s for Camwhoring 102. =)

    Your Flickr raawks!

  • Reply Ciel May 1, 2008 at 11:02 pm

    LOL thank you for the posing lessons :D

  • Reply alohapenny May 1, 2008 at 11:10 pm

    LOLz LOLOLOLOLOL! Genius, fucking genius. And the link! Pot of LOL!

  • Reply manly stuff in general May 2, 2008 at 12:21 am

    Get a dslr. you have a good eye for photography.

    Start with an entry level dslr like the canon 450d or the nikon d40x. if you’re gonna buy 2nd hand, check the number of shutter actuations

  • Reply Alina May 2, 2008 at 12:24 am

    Lol, I never knew that you were interested in photography. :D
    Lol, those never dont’s are soooo damn funny. :D

  • Reply TiFF May 2, 2008 at 12:26 am


    I think I should go and delete some photos on my flickr account.

    just kidding.

    This has to be one of my favorite posts. I tootally LOL’d. You should also talk about girls who only show 3/4 of their face, and you NEVER see their face as a whole.

    haha silly cam whores.

  • Reply Melle May 2, 2008 at 2:52 am

    Awwwww!! Your lover treats you so well! Where the hell is my price charming?! He better get here quick, I’m getting restless and uhm, other things.

  • Reply Lene May 2, 2008 at 4:23 am

    Aww that’s so nice from your lover… I wish I had one just like him (lol XD).

    Flickr pro accounts sound nice, I might get one someday. I don’t take a lot of pictures, ahermm… photos, because like you know, my camera is a load of shi0t. I want a dSLR so badly but right now I’m too broke anyway, so I might as well just dream about it for a couple more months (or even years :O!!), until I become rich or something. Only then I’d get the Flickr pro account to show off my picz :D

    You make a nice little camwhore :D

  • Reply utakGAGO May 2, 2008 at 5:23 am

    OHNOES. Now you’re screwing up with your cam! :(

    I think I made that pose. I just don’t know where I kept it.


  • Reply Crystal May 2, 2008 at 5:51 am

    HAHA, I think I’ve broken a few of those rules, especially the showing the arm one. I can’t figure out how to work the timer thing on my camera!

    I love the pics you’ve been posting on your flickr. They are SHEXAAAY!

  • Reply J May 2, 2008 at 8:09 am

    I might do the first one. And I do some other angles. But I think I do OK or in a very “cammy” and sarcastic way.

    LOL at your lover posing as a Flickr perv.

    • Reply Helga May 2, 2008 at 7:24 pm

      Well, it wasn’t really him haha. I just added the last line, but someone really did message me =)

  • Reply Coco May 2, 2008 at 10:26 am

    Regarding your comment about the action figures, I really doubt that you can camwhore with a DSLR because THAT SHIT IS HEAVY.

  • Reply Ivy May 2, 2008 at 11:46 am

    Hahahaha!! Hilarious lesson. This reminded me of this post from a popular korean entertainment blog. You should check out the post:

    It’s just as hilarious. LOL!

  • Reply cigarette-girl May 2, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    i hate kawaii sign too kasi i have fugly fingers. lol

  • Reply niki May 2, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    I have brokenated all the rules. =(

    • Reply Helga May 2, 2008 at 8:32 pm

      Sinner. You will go to camwhore hell.

  • Reply Joni May 2, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    LOL. I see a lot of #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5(yes, #5!) on Friendster. And to be honest, I have photos that violate rule #1. Huhuhu. I’ma loser.

    You have Flickr Pro?? Your lover is so thoughtful! dSLR na!! :)

  • Reply Aldo May 3, 2008 at 4:08 am

    Hahahahaha you’re crazy!!!!!!!!!!

  • Reply Katy May 3, 2008 at 8:37 am

    I hate it when you’re trying to take a picture of yourself while holding up the camera in front of you and you can see two chicken-leg like arms (in my case)… the trick is to use ONE hand and angle it so you never see it! =0

  • Reply John May 3, 2008 at 9:25 am

    Actually, the ultimate wrong in camwhoring is showing a fugly face.

  • Reply Stepherz May 4, 2008 at 2:08 am

    Aw, camwhores. Good times, good times. I’m totally guilty of #3.

  • Reply Tasha May 4, 2008 at 3:53 am

    LOL I call those the typical myspace picture poses!

  • Reply Manda May 4, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    ZOMG helgas why are you so entertainingly funny? :)

    PS your cam whorage ruleses. ^_^

  • Reply st_hart May 4, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    what about holding the camera in front of you with both legs extended and both feet holding the cam lol

  • Reply Holly May 4, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Lol1 Awesome! I bet you had fun taking those pics showing What Not To Do, right!? :P

  • Reply Juice May 4, 2008 at 10:11 pm

    Helga FTW! I hope all the jologs know how to google and stumble upon this post and finally learn the lesson.

    But wait, then we’d have nothing to laugh about anymore. Hahahaha.

  • Reply Christine May 5, 2008 at 4:50 am

    First off, awesome that you have a flickr pro account. You’ve got a sweet boyfriend. =]

    And the do’s and don’ts of camwhoring, hilarious! I know I’m guilty of some of those on my website cam!

  • Reply Jayvee May 5, 2008 at 10:30 am

    Wow I violated all of your camwhoring commandments… and to think I’m a guy.


  • Reply Laarni May 6, 2008 at 12:20 am

    I thought you have a new entry. whoah big rss feed button. :P

    • Reply Helga May 6, 2008 at 12:55 am

      I wish, haha. I’m exhausted but I need to catch up with blog entries and go through my blogroll.

  • Reply Destiny May 6, 2008 at 1:27 am

    Hahaha… you’re so brilliant! I would never have the guts to take those pictures in those kinds of poses. I used to, but of course it was not to that extent. Yes… I agree… let’s make the internet a better place.

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