Archive for May, 2008
May 18, 2008 at 9:44 am | Filed under ditz drivel, the helga manual
I’ve been in a bit of a funky mood lately and as much as I’d like to blame it on the dreary weather, I’d rather say it’s the lack of nicotine and human contact that’s got me feeling all Lindsay Lohan-ish after Wilmer dumped her. It doesn’t help that not smoking has got me orally-fixating; coupled with PMS cravings, it would be apt to say that my body is in biiiiiig twouble! I mean, look at my latest picture, taken two minutes ago:
=(
So I’ve decided it’s about time I do something and de-jelly my very rotund belly. The old me would’ve ran to the nearest drugstore or supermarket to stock up on laxatives, slimming tea, diet pills, and green tea (or if I was feeling lazy, run to my dealer for a few grams of somethin’-somethin’ in exchange of a blowjob), as the old me is all about quick fixes (and cheap thrills, like, smacking kids hard in the head). But no, the new me is past all that. The new me will strive hard to drop the pounds the healthy and legal way.
Or maybe I could just starve myself and hope to drop 5-10 pounds in water weight in two days. It’s tempting, really.
Today is Day 1 of my diet. I am happy to report that my dad has eaten all of my chocolate cupcakes, so that’s one less temptation. My plan is to eat healthy and perhaps, some exercise. I could take walks around our village but I get self-conscious when I’m on my own and my dad’s epic jogs are a bit too much for me to handle. So this has to make do:
Fitness magazine tips!
Wish me luck, please.
___
23 for 23 is turning out to be an epic fail. It’ll be back and I’ll make up for the skipped parts.
May 15, 2008 at 12:41 am | Filed under screen queen
Now I know that I am some days late; I hail from the wonderful wonderful Third World. Thank god for torrents. Moving on.
First, I am absolutely pleased at the obvious absence of little J in this episode. I have never liked her character and episode 16— All About My Brother— was by far the sweetest episode, in terms of girly evil and pwnage (Team Blair!).
Come to think of it: I dislike all Humphries, Rufus being the most tolerable of all three. In episode 17, Lonely Boy Dan (aka New York’s finest judgmental prick) makes a good job of showing just how stupid he is. Look at it this way: Vanessa, who is only Dan’s best friend, warns him about Sarah/Georgina. If there were any more to Dan than academic smarts, he’d have, I don’t know, listened to Vanessa and been wary of G, right? Wrong.
What Doofus Dan does is to completely soak up G’s sob story about some crazy ex of hers and how she’s been falling for him ever since the day they met. Awww. He then invites G to go find “a quiet place” where they “can talk”. It is not surprising that G kisses Dan, AND BECAUSE HE IS A STUPID STUPID BOY, I wasn’t surprised at all when he initiated the second kiss. And he was sober, too! A broken heart is not an excuse, Lonely Boy. He totally deserves to be duped by the psychotic Georgina Sparks.
I found Serena extremely taxing this episode, and all I could think about is how much I wanted to bonk her in the head with something very very painful. I gathered from the last episode that the sex tape slash murder that she was involved in couldn’t be that bad. It wasn’t, and she confronts the dead dude’s parents off screen. In the Upper East Side, explaining things to the boy you love trumps murder and all that jazz, kids. I’ve seen the trailer for the season finale (Much I Do About Nothing) and I’m happy that Serena has finally found the guts to speak to Georgina in a non-soppy, non-sissy manner (Doofus Dan actually had to restrain her!).
After several episodes, we finally get to see Blair, Chuck, Nate, and Serena together again. I shit you not when I say that my heart swelled when all four of them were in the Waldorf penthouse. Blair shows just what an awesome and dependable friend she is; she’s finally gotten over herself. I love love love! that part where they were all trying to convince S to tell them what was happening by giving examples of how none of them are saints.
Blair: With vomit hair, making out with investment bankers in the men’s room at PJ Clark’s…you don’t have to hide anything from us.
Nate: Blah blah blah, look at how pretty I am, but I do bad things, too.
Blair: *points to Chuck* Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck: Several times.
Nate: I had sex with you at a wedding, while I was her date. *looks at Chuck* Once.
Blair: *gives Chuck this look of pure cuteness*
Chuck: I’m Chuck Bass.
And then there was this part:
: What’s gotten into you?
BLUCK/CHAIR, yes??? ♥♥♥
What I didn’t like about the episode: Rufus and Lily…kissing!
Overall, it was a good episode and I can’t wait for the season finale where I am hoping that, in the name of all things good, holy, and sacred, Blair will unleash all her evil on Georgina. As lover said re: Blair, after seeing GG16: can’t fuck with the heavy guns.
And look! Blake Lively/Serena has huge tits!
May 12, 2008 at 4:13 pm | Filed under 23 for 23, mr wonderful
Because I am apparently an awesome girlfriend and because it is my birthday month, lover felt the need to spoil me some more by getting me David and Goliath shirts.
The good thing is: he’s getting me two.
The bad thing is: I want everything in their catalog. Yes, even the men’s shirts.
As if life as a 22-year old unemployed blogger isn’t hard enough. Sigh.
Anyway, lover and I already have one picked out:
We were both on the David and Goliath website the other day, browsing the women’s catalog, trying to decide on another design for me. Being the indecisive person that I am, and because David and Goliath shirts are serious bizniz, I told him I needed to sleep on it.
But now I need your help in narrowing down my choices. There’s nothing from the Little Losers series that I’d wear, so if any of you were planning on suggesting Miss BJ, Miss Lush, Miss Good Time, Miss Boobjob or Miss Trophy Wife, no thanks, teehee.
My choices are after the cut. I really like 2 & 4 (I only have one orange shirt and it’s so old and worn out). What about you?
Read the rest of this entry »
May 11, 2008 at 4:31 am | Filed under 23 for 23, camwhorage
In my last entry, J (who just turned 22!) asked if I had an Amazon wish list. I actually do, and not only is it in need of updating, it also just might be the blandest wish list you’ve ever seen. “Books and DVDs? Where are the dildos, woman! The drug prescriptions, the bling, the KFC gift certificates, the pots and pans and sammich makers!” exclaimed lover, after scanning my one-page sorry excuse of a wish list.
Okay, so he didn’t really say that. He just said to put in some dresses and maybe something sexy for him to get me, like lime green bike shorts.
Today’s entry is short and lists 3 things that I really really really want for my birthday. Unfortunately, hard as I tried, I couldn’t find any of those things on Amazon. So if any of you are hoping to get me the following as gifts, you’d have to really really really exert some effort here.
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May 8, 2008 at 9:48 pm | Filed under 23 for 23, the helga manual
In 23 days, I turn 23. Like men and maraschino cherries in my alcoholic, vodka-based drink, I have always had a thing for turning a year older. I’d rather not ramble about my issues (because really, there is nothing more attractive than seeing an insipid almost-23-year old girl launch into a lengthy monologue about her imaginary growing pains) and how— despite finding myself in a fulfilling and emotionally-satisfying relationship— I still have my insecurities about people taking me seriously…
I think I just lost my train of thought. Let’s try that one more time without the digressions.
I’d rather not ramble about my issues and how— despite finding myself in a fulfilling and emotionally-satisfying relationship— I still have my insecurities about people taking me seriously. So instead of going into that, what I’ll do is post one birthday-related entry a day for the next 23 days (yes, this is also me boosting author-based activity in this blog). Thus, 23 for 23. These entries may be part of a birthday wishlist, a realization, a random thought or observation, memories from birthdays past…anything. OMG, I just cringed at how cheesy I am sounding right now.
So to start the list! Something from my wishlist:
Little Jenny Humphrey to go down. Blair Waldorf For The Mother Fucking Win. Yo, Gossip Girl writers! Heed this fan girl’s birthday wish, plz.
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
