FAST-TEKS COMPUTER REPAIR.

May 8, 2008 at 9:46 pm | Filed under ditz drivel

My laptop has been acting up a LOT lately and considering the career path that I am aspiring to take, I really should take better care of it. It’s due for a reformat, a memory upgrade, and a bunch of other snazzy things and the last thing I want is for Veronica Mars (yes, my laptop has a name) to die on me.

So if there’s anyone out there who’s had a computer die out on him or her and is too strapped for time to go to a computer repair shop, check out fast and reliable home computer repair services offered by Fast-Teks.

Yes! This post brought to you by Fast-Teks!

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LAWMAX: LAWSUIT FUNDING.

May 8, 2008 at 9:45 pm | Filed under ditz drivel

Ever found yourself involved in a lawsuit or claim, but lacking capital and in need of litigation funding? Don’t panic— yet. LawMax is here to help, offering lawsuit cash advances with minimal requirements. They evaluate and assess your case and upon approval, provide you with funds so you could receive the settlement you deserve.

Applying is easy and can be done online. Just go to their website, FundMyCase.com to find out how to go about getting funding for your case.

Yes! This entry brought to you by LawMax!

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THE GOLDEN RATIO VS MY (NON-SEX) FACE.

May 6, 2008 at 3:20 am | Filed under camwhorage

A boy I once dated told me— after pinning me down on the bed and holding my arms above my head and staring at mah face— that what’s good about it (mah face) is that its— or the features are— symmetrical.

Best compliment ever (until lover told me that I had him at “I’m drunk” and at “Let’s eat”, of course).

Tiff just had to ruin it for me by bringing the Golden Ratio Mask up.

LOOK! I AM OPTIMUS PRIME! …KINDA.

So based on the Golden Ratio Mask, I need a wider face, a narrower nose, smaller eyes, thinner lips, and…are those bigger eyebags? Mmm, gorgeous.

If you’d like to try the mask on your own face, click here. Just put the mask on a new layer and choose ‘Multiply’ as that layer’s blending mode.

BRB, suicide break. I am not beautiful, according to Mother Nature!

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CAMWHORING 101: DON’T EVER DO THAT!

May 1, 2008 at 7:07 pm | Filed under camwhorage, ditz drivel, mr wonderful

As most of you already know (because the very day I got it, I messaged half of the people on my YM list), I was recently given a Flickr PRO account by a very awesome, very generous, and very sexy person (also known as my lover). Now I’m no photographer and I grudgingly make do with my stupid piece-of-shit point-and-shoot Sony Cybershot and Photoshop to come up with half-decent photos (I’m sorry, I take photos not pictures; same way that I watch films, not movies. Now HUHLOLZ with me, please). Amazingly enough I’ve been told (by lover and my mom) that I have an eye for photography and that I take nice photos (again, said by lover and my mom).

Lover even created another YM handle to “anonymously” message me (under the username t****ekicks) to say this:

t****ekicks: some nice pictures on you flickr. you should upgrade to a dSLR soon.
Helga: I know, haha. Thank you =)
(t****ekicks: Also, nice tits. Your face isn’t so bad but your mouth is so annoying, I feel the need to bitchslap it. Hard. With my penis.)

MY POINT-AND-SHOOT CAMERA. LOHOHOLZ I’M SO WITTEH!

But this entry isn’t about how I truly need to get rid of my POSPOS cam and get myself a snazzy dSLR (because really, I don’t want to bully an already stressed, very awesome, very generous, and very sexy person also known as my lover and pressure him into doing something he probably only meant half-heartedly by publishing in my blog that he plans on getting me one. One = dSLR). No siree.

I was chatting with Fatima Camiloza today (you can read her interview with Comicology here) and she happened to be on my Flickr account (not surprisingly, as I have been pimping it non-stop the past week). This is what she had to say:

Fatima camiloza: I hate these one angle girls. I want to punch them in the face lol
Fatima camiloza: I love how your pics have such variety

So I may not be a photographer but I sure am a camwhore (and a pretty damn good one, except when other people are taking my pictur— I mean, photos. Somehow, I always end up looking like a tool when I’m not the one doing the snapping). Give me five minutes with a camera and I’ll take about 200+ pictur— I mean, photos. Of myself. And maybe myself with a few random objects and someone else’s elbow.

Now because I am such an awesome awesome camwhore (it’s also probably the only thing in my life I’m good at, besides giving head), I’m here to give you a few quick and basic DON’T EVER DO THAT!s in camwhoring.

Bring on the uglies!

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