Age 5: Kindergarten 2 Helga’s defining moment of the whole school year is her going up to the chalkboard and correctly solving the math problem in front of her peers (who were most likely not paying any attention at all). She may be incapable— at the age of 23— to count past a hundred, but she will always know that 2+3=5.
Age 7: Helga comes to terms with the fact that she will never be a Little Miss Philippines, a gymnast, a ballerina, or Candy Candy.
Age 8: Helga comes to terms with the fact that she will never be Wendy, surrogate mother to the Lost Boys, either. Makes a conscious effort to stop forcing herself to fly “in her sleep”.
Age 10: Physical Ed. She does 86 sit-ups and pwns everyone in her class— girls and boys.
Helga: We had to do sit-ups for PE. I did 86 sit-ups. I pwnd everyone
Lover: hahhaha. I used to be able to do 100 upside down. 4 sets of 25.
Helga: O YA? HOW OLD WERE YOU?!?!?!?!?!
Lover: yeah. Hmm…18? I had mad abs hehe
Helga: I WAS 10! WHEN I DID 86 SIT UPS!
Lover: Hehehe. Fine!
Age 11: Helga falls in love for the first time with a boy named Taylor Hanson.
Age 12: She kicks a boy in the nuts because he was talking smack about Hanson TO HER FACE!! Discovers the internet; she finds it awesome.
Age 17: Moves to the big city. Loses five pounds during her first week of college, prompting relatives to ask if she’s doing drugs. Spends a lot of nights hanging out at her neighborhood Starbucks, walking home at two in the morning with her male best friend from high school. While walking, they’d create lines of poetry that they’d yell at the moon.
Age 17.5: Male best friend from high school admits to her he’s gay. There is finally hope for her to be a fag hag fruit fly.
Age 18: Gay male best friend from high school drops out of college and moves back to the boonies. Helga starts dating and sleeping with the wrong and worst kind of men, but not as the result of.
Age 19: Spends the whole first semester of her junior year a drunken stoned mess. Is still dating and sleeping with the wrong and worst kind of men, the result and cause of.
Age 20: At a hundred and five pounds and looking wonderfully wanarexic skinny (yet needing a steady supply of blemish acne cream for the pimple farm on her forehead), she flips the nightmare that is her Little-Thesis-That-Could-But-Wouldn’t the middle finger. Makes the biggest mistake of her life. Is still dating and sleeping with the wrong and worst kind of men.
Age 21: Is still dating and sleeping with the wrong and worstest kind of men.
Age 22: Helga sets a record and goes through four men in less than four months. Man #5 comes along and she falls in love.
Age 23: Remedies the mistake she committed at age 20 by getting a normal job. Life, it is wonderful.
=)
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
Wonderful timeline. Wait, where UPRHS on your timeline!? ;)
Age 12, the dude I kicked was Anton Dator, though you might be too young to know him.
(Hi, Anton and Anton’s girlfriend, just in case one of you googles his name again :) I’m sorry I kicked you heh)
LOL you still know his name! Baaad, baad.
I never did sit-ups when I was that young boy. I just couldn’t, so I cheat my teacher and tell her I did the friggin’ thing.
Now I wanna do sit-ups. I got hundreds of flabs.
You have a good memory. :p
You kicked some guys nuts at age 12, that was pure win.
This made my day! :lol:
This was great. I did the same thing with the math problem although I got it all wrong and was laughed at by my peers. Result? ENGLISH TEACHER IN TRAINING so many years later. I’ll always remember that 9 is not the answer to every long division problem, haha.
I’m glad you met the right guy and fell in love. You guys sound adorable together.
“they’d create lines of poetry that they’d yell at the moon.” - lol wtf? You’re a trip!
I too slept with the wrong and worst kind of men..
that was an interesting read. i might do the same blog post. lol
86 sit-ups at age 12?
dang, i can’t even make 50 now!
how do you remember all that?? i can’t even remember what happened yesterday.
“Is still dating and sleeping with the wrong and worstest kind of men…” HAHAHA
“Age 22: Helga sets a record and goes through four men in less than four months. Man #5 comes along and she falls in love.” - Good for you… me same same
FTW. Kicking someone in the nuts for talking bad about HANSON!
It’s good to feel like your on the right path in your life, isn’t it? :) I hope life continues to make you happy. :D
Ahahaha this gave me a good laugh.. I don’t even remember that far back into my life I don’t think. It’s funny because there are some parts of my life that seems to have completely disappeared or blocked from my memory.
Is that link really the acne cream you used or just a sponsored link? Because I’d really like some anti-acne and blemish recommendations. LOL.
I have less than 3 months left for being 22, so I don’t think I’ll be able to do that going through four men thing (in order to find the one). Lucky girl.
I want to make a timeline like this soon.