I made a stupid mistake: without thinking, I bought a pair of opaque fluorescent red tights. No, I did not have Blair Waldorf in mind when I made the purchase. Neither was I contemplating a career in the circus nor was I aspiring to be a third world scene queen. I just walked into the store, grabbed a pair, and paid for it. I was vaguely imagining pairing it with my new black dress (really, Helga, black and red? Together? Really???) and for some reason, I had this demented idea that I could pull it off and look cute.
Wrong =(
(Please ignore my ancient pink stand fan)
So now I am stuck with a pair of bright red tights that I will probably never wear because such flashy and daring pieces of clothing is just way out of my “fashion” zone (if you’ve met me in person, you’ll know that I dress quite boringly). But I won’t give up, not without a fight! I turn to the lover who is scarily well-versed in girly things like make-up and women’s clothes:
Helga: Where do I wear these red tights to? It’s very Blair heehee. I need something dark and plaid. A dark plaid coat. AND MAYBE NEW YORK CITY WEATHER.
Lover: Don’t force the issue.
A lot of help, that guy. Never the mind, there’s always Uncle Google. A quick web search for how to wear red tights and I was able to gather this much:
“DON’T WEAR OPAQUE FLUORESCENT RED TIGHTS, ESPECIALLY IF YOUR NAME IS HELGA WEBER OR A PERSON IN DESPERATE NEED OF WEIGHT LOSS PILLS OR BOTH.”
But like I said, I won’t go down without a fight. I turned to google images and made a search for “red tights” for ideas on how I could properly wear such an abomination. From the lulzy pits of search results came several sparks of hope:
GOSSIP GIRL’S BLAIR.
SRSLY, I COULD TOTALLY ROCK THAT LOOK IF I LOST 20 POUNDS
AND LIVED IN THE REAL UPPER EAST SIDE.
FROM SOMEONE’S FLICKR ACCOUNT.
A COAT, A SCARF, AND KNEE-HIGH BORDERING-ON-HO-BOOTS BOOTS
IN PHILIPPINE WEATHER. VERY COMFY.
NAOMI CAMPBELL “PLAYING BASEBALL” IN RED TIGHTS AND RIDICULOUS SHOES.
LOL. JUST LOL.
Oh well. At least having this pair of laughable tights gives me a couple of options for Halloween costumes:
Can’t wait for October!
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
You can put it over your head and be really stylish while you rob a bank.
lovin’ the dress.
hate the tights, throw it awei =P
I love red tights, haha. And/or colored tights. I’m kinda loving the way they look!
really short shorts.. and a huge white shirt with very now print would do.
BASTA. YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK (somehow) AND YOU KNOW IT!
maybe you got it paired with the wrong black dress.
maybe a tight black dress and a minimal belt?
i know you could work it out. =)
I bought purple tights too when I was going through my purple obsession… I wore it once and felt soo self conscious because it was making my legs look like tree trunks. My next mission are my hot pink/magenta-ish tights which have been in my closet for 4 months.
I actually think you look awesome in the outfit. I like the way it looks together.
I’m no fashionista either, but the tights — they are CUTE!!
…I want hot pink tights now. Haha.
You can wear it with a Sabrina cut dress, perhaps?
I think under a pair of shorts they would totally work. In fact, this post totally made me want a pair. Wear with high shorts and use the top of tights as a girdle. Then wear a top over it and you will look sexy and slim. Ta-da!
If only wearing such clothing wouldn’t turn heads around the Metropolitan Philippines, I would’ve recommended wearing them under white shorts (the really short kind but not quite pussy-hugging).
http://i37.tinypic.com/2vmisrb.jpg
hmm you have me on this one those things are bright!
lol @ search results.
best solution: become a power ranger. :)
what other colors are available?
helga keep em for christmas and wear them over green..or red!!! :)
hahaha wear them over something navy!!! or grey!! haha :) you look gorgeous in anything anyway–(which i hate you for..lol)
I’m sure you can work out something that would work for you.
But then, coming from someone with zero fashion sense, that’s probably not as comforting as I wanted it to be, eh?
Maybe you can wear them, THEN hide them under something. Hah. Which pretty much defeats its flashy purpose.
The long coat and high boots look good. You could work that!
i love your dress though. the tights are okay, you just need to be really confident to pull em off. :) keep em! just in case.
You could wear red tights with a dress that has some red detail but is mostly some other color. I think I have the exact pair as yours, I wore it at the Coke event (only time I ever used it lol).
i cant find mine :( i bought it when i saw that episode of gossip girl! Blair = <333 But its not as shocking red as yours and lauren’s kinda like the skinny girl picture you posted on plurk.
I’m thinking high cut chucks and a long graphic tee dress. but, it’s kind of rocker chic.