I’ve been scouring the internet lately, looking for quick and easy (oh, you know me, never up for a challenge unless there’s promise of vodka, undying love, and half-naked pictures of Ed Westwick when it’s all over) freelance gigs I could do during the weekends. It’s about time I start taking on “side jobs” and hopefully build a client base, seeing that ultimately (like, five years from now), my plan is to work from home.

Okay, the truth is: I’m running out of drug money.

It’s been a day and unsurprisingly, I’ve got nothing. Mainly because I got distracted by this list of funny job descriptions. A few favorites:

-Read things that don’t matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don’t matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated: Student

-Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper: Tax Accountant

-Teach your kids enough to complain but not enough to make a difference: College Teacher

-Make sure nothing ever happens: IT Security

-Run away and call the police: Security Guard

-Copy and paste the Internet: Student

-Talk in other people’s sleep: College Professor

And then a call for interns from a New York-based company:

DESCRIPTION: Ok, so maybe you don’t have any experience. Do you think you have potential? Do you learn easily? Do you need college credit? If so we are always looking for interns. Hey… it’s not just a job. It’s an adventure. Oh yeah, we’re a paperless office so we can guarantee you won’t ever have to file anything.

MANDATORY SKILLS: The ability to stay awake for long periods of time.

Funny job titles and listings (from the very entertaining Craigslist) here. Enjoy.