You’d think that when you’ve been taking the same route home at the same time every evening for the past two or three weeks, you’d get the hang of things and fall into a somewhat convenient routine and expect things to be the same (with the exception of rain or some other event that brings out the stupid in everyone, like I don’t know, more rain) for forever, right?
Not really.
Last night, I left work at the usual time: 9:05ish pm. The walk from my building along Emerald Avenue to the front of Galleria (the side facing EDSA) was uneventful and normal. I smoked one cigarette, zipped past people, and arrived at the bus stop only slightly sweaty with Kat DeLuna yelling into my ears. And then I noticed something unusual: a crowd of people waiting for buses that weren’t there. It wasn’t raining. Previous nights, bus conductors had to practically beg for me to choose and get on their bus. Tonight, there were no men in yellowed white polos screaming CUBAO IBABAW! LETRE! FAIRVIEW! MALANDAY! while waving signs at me.
Weird.
I took off my hoodie and stuffed it in my bag, took out another cigarette, and weighed my options: wait for a bus or walk along EDSA to the Ortigas MRT station? I peeked down the bus stop lane and saw ONE BUS and about ONE HUNDRED PEOPLE frantically trying to board it. I exaggerate the number of people, yes, but that scene alone made me decide to take the metro. Or the train, as non-pretentious Filipinos (aka not me lol) call it.
Making it past the bus stop lane alone was a challenge. Because Filipinos have this incomprehensible tendency to block the way and hassle everyone around them, I had to elbow my way through people (also: I had put out my cigarette before doing so because I am a considerate person who isn’t the kind to blow smoke directly into people’s faces. I help old folks cross the street and open doors for women, too). Once I got past that, I then had to deal with throngs of people who had the same destination as I. Lemme change that: throngs of people who had the same destination as I, walking ever so sloooooooooooowly, ambling along the very polluted EDSA like they were having a Sunday stroll at the park…which is actually an odd thing to say, as I know no Filipinos who take Sunday strolls at the park. I mean, in my 23 years here, I have yet to do that. Maybe a Saturday or a Sunday picnic at Sunken Garden (which, by the way, needs a Wikipedia entry), yes. But a Sunken Garden Sunday stroll? LOL.
So there I was, willing my feet to match their pace while I waited for the perfect opportunity to overtake the slowpokes who seemed to enjoy breathing in the vehicular exhaust. I thought I had gotten my chance when there were no people coming from the opposite direction so I switched to the left lane, quickened my step and BAM! The dude in front of me who wasn’t exactly Speedy Gonzales switched to the left lane, too. Did he speed up? Of course, not.
I wanted to slap the back of his head.
Whenever I find myself having to deal with the (public transportation-taking) Filipino masses, I always have this scene playing in my mind: basically, I am Helga and I am in a rush to get somewhere and all these people are in my way and I need to pee real bad and I am angry and so I bust out a Barbie-pink armalite and open fire and everyone turns into fuzzy pink puffballs of lint.
Yo. How’s the job search going? HUHLOLZ.
*Or as Dante suggested: settling-in-at-your-preferred-drinking-spot hour.
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 24. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
Same fuckers who cross the street when the light’s still green. Parang mga naglalakad lang sa buwan.
OMG, I know! The traffic light turned green for some reason. Apparently, they don’t know why.
My girlfriend gets the urge to run over those fuckers. I usually encourage her, telling her “Extra points din yan!”
Kaya ayoko nagccommute eh. STRESSFUL.
stuff like this…makes me <3 you even more.
OH GOD. Tell me about it. I just push my way through them and sometimes even yell “Move!” or “Usog!” (depending on the location, of course). This is why I hate the public transportation system of the Philippines.
That last paragraph got me LOLing!
May I borrow your Barbie-pink armalite??? :D
Ugh! I’m one of the people who always complain about the way people walk. I just can’t see why you have to walk too slow or simply block the way. I always get frustrated and mastered the trick of overtaking people. =p
PINK BARBIE ARMALITE FTW
LOL i would want one of those.
i hate hate taking the bus and the mrt. i aint my best during rush hour. sigh. i know exactly what youre talking about.
That’s why I would always board the MRT when I go home from Laguna. I’m starting to hate EDSA.
I’m sure they hate you too.
I hate slowpokes. I always walk past them, squeezing my way in, if I had to.
Ahahaha love this entry! This is why I don’t take public transit if I can help it. Has anyone ever tried to take a piss on the bus while you were on it before? I’ve seen it happened once and it smelled like shit!!!
OMG that’s never ever happened, I’m glad! Dayum, that’s nasty.
I forgot to tell you those “pink armalites” really do exist.
http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/6807/kittyriflerh3.jpg
and
http://img246.imageshack.us/img246/7008/pinkm16gy2.jpg
OMG Helga, this post is awesome (I think I’ve said that before in one of your previous posts). It made me laugh and think at the same time! It’s so descriptive, I love how you wrote it.
Anyway, I hate public transportation. Both in America and Philippines. I remember when I was in a program in La Salle I had to take LRT everyday and dammit women there literally PUSH you. I was so annoyed. I never rode a bus before though. I would like to try that and see if people push me cuz I would push them harder. I’m a different person now. lol
I can’t really relate as I don’t use PT, but that sounds kinda sucky. Hopefully things like that won’t happen on a regular basis.
Great entry, Helga! You described it so well that I can actually get a clear picture of what was going on.
Like Veronica, I can’t relate either, so Iuno what to say other than…that musta stunk. lolz
hi. :) i’ve been a constant visitor of your site but this is my first time to comment (stalker mode! hehe).
when people walk sooo slow, i get the urge to yell, “hey, where’s your sense of urgency everyone?” and sometimes when you overtake them, sila pa ang galit because you’re being rude. LOL.
Sheesh, I thought I was the only one who had the hardest time taking the bus on that exact same Friday! I had to wait half an hour on that street that goes towards Greenhills (darn, I forgot the name!) before I found a bus that only had few inches of standing space. And oddly, this was on 6 o clock when a lot of greedy bus conductors were whoring to get attractive passengers. I once heard one hooting, “Oist, sexy, sakay ka dito!”
“Sexy” was in truth a big momma manang tindera, and she was giddy when she heard their flattery, so of course she stepped into the bus, making all passengers think that there was an earthquake in the Philippines (and subsequently texting people around how haunting that experience were).
I can’t think of any Filipinos I know of who ever strolled in a Philippines’ park. I also can’t think of any Filipinos I know of who ever went to Luneta for leisure. Maybe they walk that way in other places because they are deprived of actual park-strolling experiences?
Pink armalites? Well heck, you might as well use that to shoot bus passengers who litter those little paper bags used to hold “mani” and “kasoy”.
damn sounds so rough, i haven’t rode a bus in years
me i just plow through the herd. serves them right for being so goddamn inconsiderate. also, i call the MRT/LRT “train”. i’m sorry. :(