“THE BEST YEAR EVER!” QUESTION #1.

February 23, 2009 at 10:30 pm | Filed under the helga manual

I’ve never been one for self-help books (in fact, save for that time my friend Klassy handed my boyfriend her copy of He’s Just Not Into You so he could verify if the content had any truth to it, I’ve never flipped through one). It’s not that I’m against the idea of people telling people how to lead their lives (Dude. I loved Starting Over), it’s just that I don’t have time…to listen to other people.

But I do like answering questions that call for self-indulgent answers.

And so here we have Your Best Year Ever! with just enough material to turn into a series of self-indulgent blog entries. I didn’t even read the whole text, I just scrolled down to get to the part with the questions.

1. What did I accomplish?
2. What were my biggest disappointments?
3. What did I learn?
4. How do I limit myself, and how can I stop?
5. What are my personal values?
6. What roles do I play in my life?
7. Which role is my major focus for the next year?
8. What are my goals for each role?
9. What are my top ten goals for the next year?
10. How can I make sure I achieve them?

Question #1: What did I accomplish in 2008?

You know it’s not going to be a very good answer when you have to go through your 2008 blog archives to refresh your memory. In somewhat chronological order:

• Found the courage to quit my miserable call center job (though this went down— har— in December 2007) and take up a proper course in web design.
• Maintained doesn’t seem to be the right word so…continued to nurture a long-distance relationship with the man I fell in love with in 2007. It’s been a little over eighteen months since we first met and we’re still together. What surprises me is that this does not surprise me. At all. We’ve had our moments, of course, like this incident in December when we broke up for three hours (something I will not elaborate because it was so silly). Some people have asked how we do it and it’s simple, really: it’s because we want to be together. It also helps that we both want the same future ;)
• Got curls! I’ve always wanted a perm and I finally went ahead and got one last March. The curls are gone for the meantime but as soon as my hair has rested and is long enough, I’m getting my mermaid hair back.
• Got a non-call center job in June 2008. Eight months later and I’m still at it.

…And that’s it (???).

Suddenly, my 2008 feels so unfulfilled. Well, there’s motivation to make the most out of 2009. I want credit card machines for my birthday. Just because.

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HUNGOVER ON VALENTINE’S DAY.

February 14, 2009 at 5:46 pm | Filed under mr wonderful, the helga manual

There are boring days and there are days like today. I don’t think I’ve ever spent a single Valentine’s Day with a significant other (dates don’t count and even if they do, I think I’ve only ever had a VDay date twice in my life) so there’s really nothing for me to be sore about. And when you think about it, I have absolutely nothing to moan about in the love department: I’m in a wonderful (though far from perfect) relationship with a wonderful man (who treats me like royalty, according to a mutual friend). On good days, the distance between us isn’t so heartbreaking. On bad days, I am clingy, needy, and helpless in front of my laptop.

Today is a little bit of both and it’s no surprise that I’m feeling a little blue.

Or perhaps it’s just because I’m hungover. I really should learn how to control my Friday night alcohol intake but in the company of nutty friends, I tend to let go. I must have had ten beers last night on an almost empty stomach but I still had my wits with me when I cabbed it home at 4 in the morning. It’s hard to get drunk drunk when you’re always on your feet. The aftermath is always horrible, though, and I woke up with a beer gut that would put a college fratman to shame. I don’t regret the beer, I regret the meal I wolfed down before I went to bed. And the two meals I once again had, immediately after waking up. All I can do is sigh and make a half-empty promise to myself not to do it again. Right.

I haven’t been writing lately and it hurts me a little, I feel like my mind has been squeezed dry by the internet (of all things!). I hung out with an old friend from college the other night, Phil, who is one of the best and most versatile writers I know. I find it amazing how he never runs out of words and I actually asked him that “How come you never run out of words?” I had too-quickly drank two bottles of beer by then and his answer’s a bit fuzzy but I do remember him saying that writing is a challenge for (I’m sorry but this is so apropos: the universe seems to be in sync with me this afternoon; right after I typed that last sentence, Mikah sent me this link) him…something like that. I don’t do interesting conversations justice.

The lover says I am good at writing, that I inspire him but that I just don’t apply myself. I guess it’s because I get sidetracked too easily and this is one of my biggest flaws. There’s just too many interesting and trivial things grabbing for my attention and if the world would only stop being so fascinating to give me enough time to collect my thoughts. But that’s not how it works.

Lover: it’s like a huge part of what made me fall in love with you.
Lover: i love the written word, and you are a walking written word.

Yep, this is the hangover doing the writing. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone, I’m off to look at computer desks before getting ready for tonight (which shall be spent in an office studio somewhere along Katipunan Avenue, playing with cameras and lights). I leave you with a quotation quite fitting for today:

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.
-Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

You got it, boyfriend.

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EARLY TWENTIES ANGST, I’M GUESSING.

February 9, 2009 at 7:36 pm | Filed under ditz drivel, the helga manual

I can’t blog about getting drunk because the boyfriend hates it. I can’t blog about the boyfriend because he’s not here. I can’t blog about my issues because 1) issues are so 2007 and 2) I don’t have any issues. Yes, believe it or not, I’ve outgrown all my issues (at least the non-boyfriend-related ones).

I feel like saying something truly inappropriate.

I think I’ll go sit on a snowflake.

Maybe I should try fiction.

Or weight loss pills.

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ON PROJECT 365 AND BEING A SPECIAL KIND OF VAIN.

February 1, 2009 at 3:21 pm | Filed under photos, the helga manual

I know I’ve already mentioned it here a couple of times that I’m doing Project 365 over at my Flickr account. I started January 1st and damnit, I vow to complete the entire year. I’ve also promised myself to into putting more effort into my pictures (my first attempt at Project 365, I just shot whatever object that would sort of define my day. Like what I had for lunch or that cigarette I smoked at 1030 in the morning, while waiting for web design class to resume). I hadn’t originally planned on turning it into a year of self-portraits, but just after a week or so, I found that most inanimate objects make boring 365 subjects. So yes, you could say I’m a special kind of vain and I just might love myself a little bit much.

I’ve been at it faithfully for 32 days and here are some things I’ve learned:

1. Upside down is NOT my best angle.

2. My camera does not do well in low light. Neither does it do well in any other setting other than natural daylight.

3. Photoshop is not a dirty word.

4. Leg shots are my comfort zone.

5. If I truly want to maximize my creativity and execute all these ideas I have, I would need more space and a better camera. 99% (okay, I just threw that number in there) of my pictures are taken from home, particularly our second floor balcony which isn’t very spacious. It’s basically me against a white wall and our ugly linoleum tiles (I’d love to have some area rugs for props). Hopefully, I’ll have a new camera in my possession soon (like, late this month or early March) and I won’t be too embarrassed to take my self-portraiting (or camwhoring) to the “streets”. Or at least to the grassy fields of UP Diliman because I am one big walking cliche like that.

And now, five of my favorite self-portraits from January 2009 :)

THIS ONE MADE IT TO FLICKR EXPLORE :)

THIS ONE MADE IT TO FLICKR EXPLORE, TOO :)

You could also say I like textures a bit too much.

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