I JUST HAVE TO SHARE THIS.

March 20, 2009 at 4:46 pm | Filed under ditz drivel

If You Wish To Be Removed From This List
Jeanne Marie Beaumont

You must be more careful. You must wash your hands up to your elbows and dry them with a linen towel. You must say please. You must swallow your lumpy medicine. You must draw a card and return it to the deck. You must deny deny deny. You must put it in writing. You must write your name on a cup and pee in it. You must read Moby Dick. You must read Moby Dick again. You must perform forty hours of public penance. You must eat your spinach and finish your milk. You must shave. You must do windows. You must name names. You must demonstrate your ability to parallel park. You must share. You must lock the door and leave the key under the mat. You must change diapers. You must sift the dry ingredients and fold them into the wet ingredients. You must learn to work around the pain. You must drop a sack of unmarked bills in the trash bin by the sweetgum tree. You must forget what you just saw. You must produce your passport when asked: now. You must slip into something more uncomfortable. You must revise. You must, for your own protection, put on the blindfold. You must reset your clock. You must let the dog lie at the foot of the bed. You must pay the piper and leave a generous tip; use exact change. You must burn the dark letters. You must bail some water. You must forgive your mother. You must march to the river’s edge. You must stop crying. You must give away your possessions to the poor. You must soak in bleach. You must pledge allegiance. You must summon the energy to clear the last hurdle. You must be very very brave. You must click your heels three times. Wish to be removed from this list, moved from this list, emptied of all words.

Genius. ♥

Trying to get back into blogging. I’ll be back, eventually :)

Isn’t annuity a nice word?

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ON FAVORITE WORDS, TURN ONS, AND TURN OFFS.

March 4, 2009 at 8:38 pm | Filed under mr wonderful, the helga manual

(aka basically some things I’ve posted on my Tumblr before)

Last night, I asked the boyfriend what his favorite word is/favorite words are. I was playing with an idea for my 365 and I wanted something that didn’t seem very la-di-da and something I could easily turn into an image. As expected, his initial answers were of the lemme-think kind (I don’t know. Sex? Helga?).

So I told him my current favorite words: gossamer, scintillate, effulgent, and strident…and harlot. I like harlot. A lot. It also seemed like the perfect karma-bait question (I was wrong, I only got 16 replies) so I headed over to Plurk and asked my friends for their favorite words. I got brazened, unbridled, ramifications, ineffable, inevitable, etc etc. Finally, he answers :

I really should go ahead and create that My Boyfriend Says the Darndest Things blog.

…………………………………

This is a little late and is no way of any great importance but I would like to announce to the internets that at long last, I have figured out what my biggest turn on is. I used to think it was power and my dating history shows that I am drawn and tend to go for alpha males. Most of them were douchebags (unfortunately/naturally), but hey, they were powerful douchebags! This ruffled the boyfriend a whole lot, of course, as there is that possibility I may leave him for the next more powerful guy (never, I say. Never!).

…

Anyway, it’s romance. When I think about it, I’ve always been a sucker for romance (and the idea of love/falling in love and I’m really glad I’m not easily swept away). I’m just worried that I have a bit of twisted idea of romance— none of that wining and dining, courtship, flowers, and chocolates sort. At my worst, I’m of the metaphorical dragon-slaying and princess-saving kind. At my best, I’m fine with being cuddled like a kitty cat and being told I’m beautiful.

I sound emotionally easy, don’t I?

My biggest turn off? Unavailability. I find it quite amusing that nearly two years ago, the only reason I had agreed to meet up with the boyfriend was because I had deemed him to be emotionally-unavailable. Someone safe. We all know how that turned out ♥

…………………………………

I was re-reading my personal astrology portrait, trying to make more sense out of it. I say more because I’ve been reading the damn thing since 2006 and I still don’t completely get it. This is the gist of my personal astrology portrait aka who you are when you’re a female born in Manila, Philippines at 730am on May 31, 1985: Sun in Gemini, Moon in Libra, Ascendant in Cancer, Moon in the Fourth House, Saturn in the Fifth House, Neptune Opposition Ascendant, Venus in the Tenth House, Sun in the Twelfth House.

Eh?

But anyway, having my ascendant in Cancer (is that the proper term? My ascendant in Cancer?) apparently “gives the tendency to completely retreat when hurt or frightened of a situation”. Werd, berd. Staging distance is my defense mechanism. What’s yours?

Well, this entry was just all over the place, much like a drunken Helga on a weekend night.

Yay,discount furniture!

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