Today, I had a Facebook conversation about Mafia Wars with my cousin who’s a college junior. Is it bad that I can’t wrap my head around the fact that she’s turning 19 this month? Kid is getting snappier, pretty soon I won’t be able to bully her around with my sparkling intellect and worldly knowledge that comes with my being five years older than she is. I mean, there was that one time in the late 90s when I suckered her into throwing away her M2M cassette tape (I think she burned it, too) by making up a story about them being lesbians (not that there’s anything wrong with chicks who dig chicks, cousin was just very young and very Christian back then and I hated da 2 hoz because they were dating two Hanson brothers). Though incredibly intelligent, she was very impressionable (and I was pretty convincing). I don’t think that kind of trickery would work on her now, though I am very tempted to, seeing that she listens to Fall Out Boy.

I feel like I need to do something shocking that would gain me 50 Cool Cousin points but competition is pretty stiff, seeing that her older bro—- who is a couple of years younger than I—- is a frat dude and has a second kid on the way.

Maybe I could bribe her with Stimerex ES.