Once upon a time, I dated all the wrong kinds of men. The tired “I was young, naive, incredibly self-important, and a ridiculous contradiction” excuse applies to my taste in men and my approach to relationships (mostly pseudo-relationships) when I was in my teens up until I was 22. Back then, I thought I had standards until years later, while reviewing and poking fun at each other’s respective pasts, the boyfriend pointed out my (very) questionable taste in men. I couldn’t help but agree considering that the dudes I went out with back then are the kind of dudes I wouldn’t so much as look at or exchange a single word with today.
It makes me cringe, but being young, I think I was excusable. I had no idea what I really wanted back then and I settled for whatever boylet whose attention I fancied. Ick. Gratefully, I’m done with dating and though this is late and irrelevant, here is a list of some relationship dealbreakers— standards I wish I had back then.
1) You have a beer belly.
This is probably hypocritical of me since I, myself, have a widdle fratman gut but I’m a girl and a little belly (not exceeding four inches the girth of one’s waist) can be cute. If you’re a dude (especially a skinny one), though, it kinda makes you look like a malnourished African kid. Not sexy.
(Food bellies, I don’t mind. Unlike beer bellies, food bellies don’t stick out like a balloon hiding in your midsection.)
2) You don’t know your way around the internet.
You have one email address and not a single social network account. Not only does that make you non-stalkable (I need to know if your interests are good enough to hold my fascination and if you’re all-angles cute), it also means you won’t understand my need to tweet, plurk, and blog several aspects of my life (which may or may not include you). You’ll also probably freak out when you see all my self-portraits on my Flickr account which you’ll most likely find a little too liberated for your tastes.
3) You use the term “sexually-liberated”.
And use it in conversations with your buddies that you’d expect from a bunch of highschoolers.
4) You’re someone I already dated.
I don’t recycle men. An ex is an ex is an ex, bye.
5) You say “po”.
For the non-Filipinos, “po” is a word used to show respect when talking to elders and/or to someone you respect. Because I wasn’t raised in a traditional Filipino household, it’s not a word I use a lot and is a word I don’t use at all when conversing with my folks. Why you would use it when talking to someone you’re dating is beyond me.
6) You won’t drive me to work.
What do you mean you’re just going to drive me to the main avenue and wait with me while I get a cab because you have somewhere else to be/it’s late/you just don’t feel like making the drive to my office? We’re already in the car, there’s gas, and it’s a fifteen-minute drive away.
7) You wear ill-fitting shirts/shirts that reach your knees.
That’s called a dress.
8) Saliva forms in the corners of your mouth when you talk.
Just…no. Maybe you’re incredibly cute or intelligent and maybe there’s a cure for that but I’m already so turned off that I don’t care enough to Google it for you.
What are your dealbreakers?