I didn’t like my high school.
Like, if I got wind of the news (because I kind of don’t really care enough to actively keep myself updated when it comes to my high school) that the university had decided to shut the place down, I’d be all “LOL, that’s awesome.”
Some time ago, a fellow blogger told me I should write about my horrible high school experiences (I remember a handful; selective amnesia FTW). I never got around to doing it because those years pretty much sucked BIG TIME for me and why blog about that kind of stuff when I could write about my current awesomeness, amirite? My life would make a pretty okay coming-of-age film, really (B-movie kind of thing with an Asian adult actress with tiny breasts playing me). Anyway, I’m thinking a series of entries about my years at SMALL TOWN HIGH would be interesting. Or would at least make you feel sorry for me? Or hate me more.
Whatever, just don’t psychoanalyze me, please. Mr Boyfriend was a Psych major and that dude can tell me stuff I didn’t know about myself.
A few things y’all need to know first:
- I was ugly.
- I was a big Hanson nerd.
- I was a competitive swimmer.
- I wasn’t popular.
- I wasn’t friendly.
- I wasn’t well-liked.
- I didn’t like going to class.
- I liked them boyz.
- Them boyz didn’t like me back.
- I changed best friends like I changed my school shoes.
- I liked to drink and smoke.
- I yelled a lot.
- I was always looking for approval. From mah peerz.
- When my Formspring still allowed anonymous comments, some shining winners from my high school constantly left me hate messages saying that I’ll always be the plastic, cock-sucking whore that I was back then or something like that. Awesome. Nevermind that I never got paid for sex nor did I suck cock then. And I can’t even begin to comprehend how I was the plastic one when I was always backstabbed by them pretty girlz.
- OMG OMG, my favorite high school memory: people writing crap about me on arm chairs and bathroom stalls!
Lord, I wanna give High School Helga a huge hug. Thank goodness for college (and having the best time of my life) and growth and moving to the city and kittens and blogs and love and trees and vodka. And good genes. Now before any of you start sniggering at me and thinking “LOL HELGA WATTA LEWZER”, let me remind you of my kewtness:
(I have to tell you that my boyfriend has big guns, too.)
I didn’t like my high school and my high school didn’t like me. No love lost, I’m still awesome. Stay tuned for stories! Maybe they aren’t as horrible as I remember them and maybe they turn out to be pretty lame but please, I ask of you: do not throw tomatoes at me.