Helga Weber

In less than a month (twenty-six days, to be exact), I turn 25. I must admit: it’s a little frightening. For reasons I no longer remember that are too stupid and embarrassing to share, I used to look forward to turning a year older. …All right all right, I will tell you why: once upon a time (meaning, back in college aka when I didn’t know better), there was this guy. He was maybe five or six years my senior and— not to bore you with old drama— he made me feel inadequate for being young(er). That whole thing with guy didn’t work out (obviously and thank gawd) and now I am in a *sparkle* relationship *sparkle* with a guy who is twelve years older than me and he makes me feel like the most special kitty in the world.

SO I AM TURNING 25 and I am feeling… the age. At 25, I can no longer join beauty contests (I’m not saying that I can or will) or audition for certain things (last week, I found myself outside a band rehearsal studio at Annapolis in Cubao. There was a sign looking for female band members within the 18-24 age range) or qualify for certain jobs (uh, receptionist? Secretary? Oh, what do I know). These are the unimportant things that send me into little fits of internal panic. How very unnecessary.

Now as much as I would like to expound on this fear and talk about my feelings! my emotions! mah h0pez & mah dreamz!, I’d rather take the ditzy route and list down a bunch of crap I feel I would need “to give meaning to my 25 years of existence” aka STUFF HELGA WANTS (and will probably get for herself) FOR HER BIRTHDAY. No, lots of beer and lots of vodka are not in the list; what am I, in high school?

The list (25 for 25):
1. Crest Whitestrips (Classic or Pro). I’m all out and I keep worrying my teeth are going to turn a disgusting shade of yellow.
2. Roman candles
3. A blonde wig
4. A fisheye lens attachment
5. Two or three (or more!) new pairs of shoes
6. Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies
7. Nars Orgasm
8. Mac Viva Glam Gaga
9. Cake!
10. More non-prescription, hipster glasses
11. A Hannah Montana sleeping shirt
12. A jump rope
13. A yoga mat
14. White retro roller skates
15. Pink laces for #14
16. A kitty mask
17. Pancakes!
18. All of John Lloyd’s Greenwich commercials in my iPod
19. A second tattoo
20. Best term life insurance quote. LOLQUE.
21. Vintage-cut/retro-cut bathing suit
22. Flowers
23. Floral rubber boots
24. White lace tights
25. A bowler hat

Next year, I propose that I drink every day for the entire month of May.

Helga Weber