I know I’m way too late to start setting April goals considering we’re halfway through the month, but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a law that says I can’t! At least not in the 1987 Philippine Constitution (which I didn’t read, by the way, because why?) or the 2014 Internet.

So let’s get this over with.

I only have three idiot-proof goals I’d like to accomplish for the remainder of the month. Okay, maybe the last one isn’t really that easy because it requires abstinence of some sort but I like a challenge (Lies. I really don’t).

#1: Do Less Internet Things.

I rely on the internet for everything. If it weren’t for the internet, I wouldn’t have money to make sure my cats are fat and furry. Thanks to the internet, I have successfully avoided a visit to the doctor for over a year! The problem is, I find myself just wasting away on stupid shit more than half the time. I mean, how many times do I really need to check Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, Pinterest etc etc when I’m not “busy”?

So I vow (lolz) to make better use of my downtime: catch up on important, culturally-relevant movies I downloaded yonks ago but haven’t had the time to watch thanks to r/popping (like Avatar and The Expendables 2). Read a book. Pick up a new TV series and watch the episodes as they air each week (as opposed to marathoning them in one go, wasting an entire weekend). Pick up my crochet hooks and make twenty granny squares that I’ll never stitch together. I really want to do something super, like go to some new and foreign place on a whim a la Frances Ha (ha! Finally got around to watching that movie last weekend, only eleven months late) but my paycheck and Citibank say “HaHa NO.”


#2: Blog at Least Twice a Week.

About what, I don’t know, since my daily life is basically like this: wake up, hang out with my cats, go to work, go to Joey, go home, hang out with my cats, sleep. Oh, and I also play a lot of Castleville Legends on my phone.

I’ll figure it out. I mostly took a break from blogging because my dSLR is broken and I hated the 4S’s camera (also: digital advertising agency job LOLZ). I have a 5C now and it takes nicer photos. I also have, like, a cute boyfriend who doesn’t mind his mug being plastered all over the internet so maybe— just maybe— this blog has another shot at relevance.


#3: Give Up Sugar For One Week.

Tears of sweet, sweet sorrow.

Two truths:

  1. I find it hard to lose weight because duh I’m not even trying and double duh I’m like 42 years old now. I don’t mind the weight gain, though, because I fucking love beer and food and my mammary glands finally caught up with, like, everything else so YAY.
    1. My mom recently called me her little big princess, chubbiness and tababits.
    2. Joey calls me the following things (endearingly, of course): snowman, lechon de leche, NFA rice and CP (chubby princess). Thanks for the last one, mom.
    3. A team lead from my very first job messaged me today saying he saw me walking around The Fort this morning and said that I gained a couple of pounds but look better than I did back in ’06.
    4. Our neighbors call me Ruby Rodriguez, which doesn’t even make sense because I’m blonde???
  2. Joey and I are addicted to sugar/sweets; Joey, moreso.

I mean, look at this fella drinking a large Coke Zero at 1AM:

(Nevermind that I ate a 2-piece Burger Steak meal in bed a few minutes later.)

Joey and I have both quit sugar in the past and I told him last Sunday that I was planning on doing another sugar smackdown because finding myself sleeping next to a box of Terry’s All Gold Milk Chocolate isn’t cute. Also: the promise of clearer skin, better focus, more energy, a marriage proposal from Ezra Koenig (I will say no, of course, because Joey is kuv ib tug thiab tsuas yog kev hlub) and maybe an inch or two off my belly.

I start Monday because who the hell abstains from worldly pleasures during Lent, right???

Now where my sugar-free beer at?