featured, personal growth

What My Break-Up Taught Me

What My Break-Up Taught Me | blog.ditz-revolution.net

If you’ve been following me anywhere on-line for the most part of the last eight years, you’d know that I was in a long-distance relationship for six years. We broke up in 2013 and I’d have to say it was probably the best thing to happen to me. I didn’t know it then, but I was very unhappy with the whole situation and it reflected on my attitude and how I interacted with the world. I was an empty hateful person on most days— bitter about the relationship and the lack of progress, and very jealous of the happily coupled people around me. Can you imagine being like that for six years?!?!

Thankfully, things turned around and I am now at my happiest because I feel like my life is finally headed somewhere. Today, I thought I’d share three of the most important things I’ve learned since I ended my last relationship.

It’s okay to let my guard down.

A decade ago, a boy emotionally destroyed me and a friend with good intentions gave me advice: be spiteful, not sad. It’s unhealthy and damaging, but that’s how I’ve been dealing with things since.

I don’t have the best history with men, so staging emotional distance is my defense mechanism. I viewed showing emotion as a sign of weakness and that I had to be cold and hard if I wanted to win/have the upper-hand. When I felt that I was going to be hurt or disappointed, I would feign disinterest and act like I didn’t care (until I actually didn’t care). And you know what? I still got hurt LOL. And because of all those years of repressing my feelings, I now have trouble connecting with people.

I still struggle with emotional honesty but I’m slowly learning that it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to feel hurt and it’s okay to admit to feeling these things. We don’t always have to be tough as nails.

Anyone can start over.

The major reason I stayed in a dead-end relationship for so long was because I was afraid I wouldn’t find someone else if we broke up (obviously, I was wrong because Joey and I got together shortly after). I was never good at dating and I always thought: Who would want me? So I stayed, even though I was unhappy and even though it wasn’t the kind of relationship I wanted.

I’ve gotten several messages from people scared to end their current relationship for the same exact reason I had, asking for advice on how to leave. It’s easier said then done but you just have to be brave and just say good-bye. It’s never too late to find someone worthy. My mom started over around the same time I did and she’s in her 50s!

Simply being loved isn’t enough; we have to be loved the way that we want to be loved.


I can be a better person.

It’s true that the person you’re with influences your behavior. Joey’s this super good guy (nobody hates him!) who always puts others first and that inspires me to do the same. I’m not saying that I’m a good person (Joey calls me bratty and self-centered whenever we fight and it pisses me off because I’m really not!) but every day, I remind myself to make kinder, better choices.

People also say they like this version of Helga: happy, nicer, more positive, in love. I’ve always liked who I am— nasty attitude and all— but I like who I am now better.

Were you ever in a relationship that made you unhappy? What did you learn when things ended?

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  • Reply Jam Go May 13, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    I loved you before and I’m loving the whole new Helga today! I like how you’ve changed your aura. I don’t know what your aura was before(but it wasn’t negative, promise!) but seeing your pictures now, you look sooooo happy, as in sobra! And maybe because your current partner loves you so much that it radiates within you :) Stay happy and inlove!

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:41 pm

      Thank you so much!!!! <3

  • Reply Corinth May 13, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    I’ve been following you for a long time now, Helgaholic days and LDR days palang and I can say that I like this “better” version of you more. I already liked you before with your wapakels attitude, haha, but I like seeing this “mushy” side of you more.

    And yes you’re right. There was a point in my life where I said I won’t fall in love anymore because I have super crappy taste in men. HAHA. Or I guess, I just lost my self-worth that I ended up being with d-bags, but now here I am, happily married to the best guy ever. Nothing’s ever too late for true love.

    I’m really happy that you and Joey found each other and you guys make each other happy. <3

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:44 pm

      Thank you, Corinth! And yeah, parang when we decide that THIS IS WHAT WE WANT and that WE DESERVE GOOD THINGS, that’s when they happen. Law of Attraction! <3

  • Reply Althea May 13, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    Try 8 years. That was no fun. I held on thinking I gotta get something out of this, a fruition after grooming, improving him for years to be a strapping young expat. But misery is misery. We were finally buying our own apartment after 5 years of begging him to live on our own (we lived with his Mum here in Stockholm), Perhaps the dynamics would have changed if we were left to our own devices and finally discover the joys of being homeowners . But I realized I still was miserable despite the fact. I was a changed person after being with somebody so limiting, bland, uninspiring and negative for 8 years. Family and friends noticed that. So on the day we were supposed to sign the contract, I decided I couldn’t commit to more years of misery, so I backed out. Since I was already dressed, I headed out to meet a guy who ended to be the biggest love of my life.

    Of course I had a meltdown. The ex is now in the PH shitting in my own backyard while I’m here in Stockholm. There was no end to FB messages from local friends saying they saw him with a girl, blah blah. You lash out, go crazy on friends. This is when you discover who your true friends are. Those who are able to stand by you and not gossip behind your back. I learned this the hard, painful way. It is what it is. Moving forward, you realize you don’t need the bullshit as you are allowing yourself to heal. You *will* find new friends eventually, and they will experience a happier side of you.

    I am not regretting the relationship I am in now, and I am at my happiest – finally getting everything I asked for in a man – but if there’s one thing I should’ve done right, it would have been to allow myself to grieve alone. I jumped from the old to the new pretty quick, and kind as he is, bless his soul, he shouldn’t have witnessed my process of letting go. I should have learned to be on my own without the emotional crutches I’ve been used to the last 8 years. This is why I’m going on a solo trip to Paris this Friday and finally have my catharsis, then closure. Wish me luck.

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:46 pm

      I’m glad you had the courage to end things! Break-ups are tough, especially when you’re not fully aware of how unhappy you are or how shitty things truly are. You keep hoping it’ll get better but it won’t.

      I hope you find closure in Paris. SO GANDA NAMAN, YOUR EURO LIFE I AM INGGIT HAHA. <3 Have fun!

  • Reply April May 13, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    Not being together physically is crazy difficult. Japo and I had to be apart for nine months and it drove me nuts. If we weren’t married, we probably would have broken up lol.

    It’s great to see you so kilig with Joey. :) Keep on bringing out the best in each other. Happy for you both! ?

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      Glad you and Japo were married na!!! Grabe yun if you broke up haha.

  • Reply Erin May 13, 2015 at 7:37 pm

    Helga apir! Fan mo na ako ever since nabasa ko yung one of the first few diet posts mo haha. And yay for you and Joey! Agree sa lahat ng learnings mo and I can’t imagine yung brave-ness required to make the decision na “tama na.”
    Fan talaga ako ng designs mo. Looooove the cover picture ng waves+text with light background.

    Keep writing and telling stories!

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      Thank you so much, Erin!!! :)

  • Reply dlysen May 13, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    Anyone can start over! I like this, I’ve also been in a situation of starting over. And finally overcome and enjoy what break-up taught me.

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:52 pm

      Nakakatakot talaga to start over but it’s what we all need sometimes. :)

  • Reply beenfollowingyouforfiveyears May 13, 2015 at 8:13 pm

    :) This is inspiring. Keep it up, Helga!

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:52 pm

      Thank you!!! <3

  • Reply Justine May 13, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    Great read. Of course we’ve been following each other for almost a decade now, so I kind of know bits and pieces of what you share on the internet and believe me, we are the kind who share quite a lot. Haha. Though in my case, I can’t really be open with my “relationships” with men on social media because I always have the case of non-relationships. Heh, if you know what I mean.

    I don’t have the best history with men, so staging emotional distance is my defense mechanism. I viewed showing emotion as a sign of weakness and that I had to be cold and hard if I wanted to win/have the upper-hand. When I felt that I was going to be hurt or disappointed, I would feign disinterest and act like I didn’t care (until I actually didn’t care). And you know what? I still got hurt LOL.

    This is me down to a T. Like it scares me that you described it so well. I’m actually still on a major adjustment period with my boyfriend now because my insecurities start coming out in reference to my past shit. We’re also on LDR, so I am hoping this ends up alright, but even if it doesn’t.. I’m just thankful I am with a guy who’s so good to me like, genuinely good. I’m such a cynical mess but he makes me think otherwise.. ahhh the power of it all.

    I like this Helga more, too! :)

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      “case of non-relationships” LOL THIS WAS ME, TOO.

      I hope you and your boyfriend work out, Justine! He’s cute! Are there plans to close the physical distance?

      • Reply Justine May 15, 2015 at 7:17 pm

        Yayy, thank you! :) :) He mentions it a lot, like he’d be willing to move back for me, but I don’t want him to delay or stop his future because of me. Right now it’s too early to decide on anything so I’d rather wait until our relationship has fully marinated to make big decisions like that. It’s kind of even more complicated because he’s supposed to be moving to the US this year but he deferred that for about another year because of me and I’m already feeling as guilty as it is. Thankful he’s just in Singapore right now, though! At least it’s just a few hours away.

  • Reply M May 13, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    I remember when it was still Helgaholic and when you were still with “the greatest”. It kind of sucks that it ended, even if I’m just a stranger watching from afar– 6 years is no joke (idk ba’t ako affected hahah), but I get you. I was in a long distance relationship 2 years ago and like with what you mentioned from this post, I still find it hard to believe that somebody else in the flesh will love or like me as much as the guy whom I parted ways with– even if he is still literally a thousand miles away from me already. Well, what matters now is how you’ve grown into the person you are now, which I adore still! What I’ve learned from my break up is……..to be okay with being alone at the very least. :-)

    You and Joey are so adorbsssss!!!

    Cheers x

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      Thank you so much for reading. <3

      Being single is totally okay, though I HATED being single haha. I felt single even tho I was in an LDR and that really sucked.

  • Reply Aa May 13, 2015 at 11:35 pm

    Good for you helga! cliche but i’m sincerely happy for you! Hope to meet him soon :)

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:56 pm

      Thanks, Aa! :)

  • Reply Mikyu Maglasang May 14, 2015 at 1:03 am

    I’ve never had a boyfriend before my current one, but I did love (haha strong word) a guy before him. It felt good even though we didn’t have a relationship (other than friendship), but it became hurtful towards the end (some complicated stuff). But it wasn’t a sad ending. I just decided that it was time to “move on”. During those times, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that you should not give all your love to a guy — you should leave some for yourself because you’re the one who’s going to pick up the pieces after your relationship has ended. I’m glad that I’m in a happy and mature relationship now. :)

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      Some people find it hard to move on. I know I do, sometimes.

      Happy for you! <3

  • Reply Christine May 14, 2015 at 3:56 am

    That’s great advice Helga! It’s awesome that you found the loveable Joey! It’s always better when your partner can bring out the best and better version of yourself.

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      Very true!

  • Reply Cheryl May 14, 2015 at 4:32 am

    Helga! I loved reading this post and all your honesty. I’m so happy you have found happiness with Joey. I relate a lot to your first comments about not letting my guard down. I have had a couple of close friends who have let me down greatly, it makes it harder to trust peoples intentions.


    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      I worry a lot that I’m the bad friend who lets people down haha. I’m working on it. Thank you, Cheryl!

  • Reply Joy @ The Bookshelf Intruder May 14, 2015 at 6:27 am

    This post seem like it came straight out of head. Hahaha. It’s just so sakto! I was in a relationship for almost 6 years, we broke up last year after Christmas. It was the saddest moment of my life because even though I knew we had problems, I wanted to work it out. Now, 5 months in, I am learning so much about myself. In hindsight, that relationship was really not meant to be because it made me a not so nice person. I was so unhappy, I wonder why I didn’t see it sooner. But now, though I’m single, I am so happy and loving life, all thanks to that painful decision. Sometimes you just have to go through it, you know?

    • Reply Helga May 15, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      Grabe, after Christmas talaga??? But again, there’s really no good time for a break-up! I’m glad you are moving on and finding happiness! <3

  • Reply Cheryle May 14, 2015 at 10:11 am

    I know how hard to get away from toxic people. Glad you find the way out. And look at the Helga now, prettier, happier, better! Keep it up! :)

    • Reply Helga May 17, 2015 at 8:33 pm

      Aww, thank you so much Cheryle!

      It’s hard to get away from people when we’re not aware of how toxic they really are!

  • Reply Dani May 14, 2015 at 10:59 am

    I’ve been following your blog for quite a while now, and I can vouch for the change in the way you say things, er, write. You do seem happier and a bit more positive now, Helga! Your honesty has not gone unappreciated. <3

    Agree with all the points but I just want to add something on the first. I believe it is healthy and helpful to stay true to what we really feel. I've told myself and friends who've gone through the same shit that it's okay to be sad, feel bad and cry our eyeballs out for as long as there are feelings that need to go down the drain. But it's also imperative that we set a (realistic) deadline, an end to all the drama – whether or not it comes with new love!

    • Reply Helga May 17, 2015 at 8:37 pm

      So true! You can’t forever be sad and sawi!

  • Reply yan May 14, 2015 at 11:21 am

    it’s always great to be with someone who brings out the best in us! btw, i saw you yesterday at pitch perfect 2 lol #walaLang XD

    • Reply Helga May 17, 2015 at 8:41 pm


  • Reply Kenna May 14, 2015 at 6:40 pm

    This is beautiful Helga. I’m so happy for you. Sometimes I wish relationships are simpler.

    • Reply Helga May 17, 2015 at 8:41 pm

      Thank you, Kenna. <3

  • Reply Jhanz May 15, 2015 at 8:57 am

    I think breaking up when you’re in a long term relationship is something that’s totally devastating and liberating at the same time. I followed you around late 2012 (but I’m not that active on commenting and stuff haha) and I’ve seen you grow from this extra spiteful & fiesty woman that I’ve come to love, to becoming this happy and in love woman that I totally liked better. I mean, happy girls are always at their prettiest! :)

    As they say, you won’t really feel the high if you’ve never been on your lowest lows (do I even make sense). Stay in love and happy, Helga! :) I guess we all agree that you’ve become so blooming when you started going out with Joey and started loving yourself more. :)

  • Reply Alissa May 15, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    How did I missed this post?! Glad you linked this in your Happy List post. I was in a long term relationship before and I was very unhappy. I don’t know why back then but I still cling to him no matter how many times he has hurt me. Probably cos, like what you said, I was afraid that no one will love me because I’m so insecure. Our break up was bad but I’m thankful it happened. I’m happy now with my LDR boyfriend. :) Break ups can be a blessing in disguise, might be the best thing that happened.

  • Reply Sherica May 15, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    I super love this post! I think I’ve been following you ever since Tumblr days and I’ve always known you to be really blunt and a bit of a “mean girl” back then but it’s for sure that you’ve turned into this more positive and a lot nicer woman now and it’s refreshing to see you happy and kilig all the time! Hahaha <3

    You do you, Helga!

  • Reply Roxanne May 16, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    Aww. This is very helpful, Helga! Thank you so much for posting this. You know, I’ve been following your blog since 2009 and even though I already like you and your posts before, your changes this year made me love you even more! I’m glad you found someone who inspires you to become a better person. What I’ve learned from my breakup was that no matter how much effort you exert in a relationship, it would still be for nothing if he doesn’t want you anymore or if he doesn’t see/appreciate the things you did for him. This is the reason why the next time I fall in love, I want it to be with someone who’s worth every single effort instead of someone who will just take me for granted. xx

    • Reply Helga May 18, 2015 at 12:12 pm

      Thank you, Roxanne! And I hope you find that love soon. <3

  • Reply Alex Carpio May 16, 2015 at 10:02 pm

    I’ve been following you since tumblr-helgaholic days. I guess I’ve seen your wapakels attitude then online, but still loved your posts. I think I also saw that attitude in person when I saw you a few times in Cubao X years back, but I would still tell myself “wow, that’s helga weber in person”, but would be afraid to walk up to you and introduce myself. :P

    I loved how you carried yourself before, but I must say that I am loving the helga today. I find myself stuck in your blog for hours reading posts like this. I can feel your honesty and sincerity in learning these life lessons in your blog today. :D Will definitely put these 3 things in mind!

    Maybe when I see you next time I’d have the courage to say Hi! <3

    • Reply Helga May 18, 2015 at 12:13 pm

      Hi Alex!!! Thank you so much. AND YES, please say hi! Though I can be really awkward in person hahaha.

  • Reply Gelleesh May 17, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    SUPER DUPER EXTRA UBER RELATE TO THIS POST (too many superlatives).

    I wasn’t in a long distance relationship, I don’t think I can ever be in one but I was in a 3-year relationship prior to my current. I was at my “feeling ugliest” stage then and I felt like I was so lucky to have met this person who would stick with me despite of all “these.” I loved my ex and I was emotionally abused too many times; but I told myself, “no one could ever fall in love with me again. I cannot let this relationship fail.”

    But there came a time when I wanted to improve myself. I started writing well again, I went to the gym, became socially active again and my ex didn’t like it… That’s when I realize that he was selfish. My ex didn’t love me the way I deserve to be loved and so I left him. Karma hit my ex hard… Wasn’t able to get over me for about two years. And I, on the other hand, never felt the need to have my ex back but it was quite hard for me to commit. If I feel like I would be hurt or I’m falling faster than the guy I was dating… I would hold back and try to make him chase after me. I felt like I deserve to be treated as a fuckin’ queen after what I have gone through… Until I met my current. Everything just felt right and I never needed to hold back. He was the one I can never let go na… So I let myself fall and I was the one who told him first the three letter word and he replied by saying, “I love you too…” And realizing na I was waiting for a “but” he followed up with: “No buts.” :)

    Shit. Litanya pala ‘tong naisulat ko. Haha!

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  • Reply Jae May 19, 2015 at 9:57 am

    I can’t say I’m sorry that your LDR didn’t work out because I was once in an LDR with my then-boyfriend-now-husband, but you seem so happy and content with your current boyfriend, so the past doesn’t really matter now. What’s more important is that we learn from what we had and appreciate what we currently have. :)

  • Reply Jean May 20, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Honestly, when I learned about your breakup, I was sad. I’m not sure why exactly. Maybe because I have “witnessed” the relationship or maybe because I relate so much. Relationships are not easy and being in a LDR makes it 10x more challenging.

    I completely agree with all the points you mentioned. There is one particular ex that made me feel like there is no one else out there who will love and accept me. Obviously, it’s not true. I’m so glad to see you happier. Your happiness radiates through my monitor. :) I wish you more decades of happiness! :)

  • Reply Sarah May 20, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    Try 12 years. Hahaha (yay, look at that! I can laugh about it now). Just so you know, because of this post, I was inspired to write something. And I thank you for that. :)

    I snagged your title btw. :)

  • Reply Lizzie May 22, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Happy for you.

    You know I’ve been following your blog for a loooooong time now. I quite liked the Helga before and I like the Helga now. :)

  • Reply Princess Atabelo June 2, 2015 at 1:17 pm

    Will be saving this blog entry of yours Miss Helga. I might need this, sooner. :)

  • Reply Tara Cabullo June 3, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    I love this entry, Helga! And you and Joey are adorable :)

  • Reply Melisa Jane June 5, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    Hi Helga,

    This blog is spot on.

    Although short, you’ve explained what it feels like to end up a long and toxic relationship and I can relate to almost every word in your blog.

    PS. I really, really like the Helga that I am seeing now. I’ve been following you for years but this is the first time that I will comment on your post because I do feel that you are closer to your readers now. Positive looks good on you! :)

    – MJ

  • Reply Yee Laniton June 25, 2015 at 2:52 am

    Exactly! I’ve been telling my friends about this. Going through break-ups are really hard, but it gives you more opportunity to improve, mature and love yourself… and in the process, stumble on your soulmate. <3 Happy for you!

    *helga stalker since tumblr* mehehe. – Aye

  • Reply Janine September 20, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    “Simply being loved isn’t enough; we have to be loved the way that we want to be loved.” That is a scary thought for me right now. I keep making lists in my head of the ways my life would be better if I was alone. I wish it was a two-way street and that I was the problem… It’s actually harder when the other person is actually at fault because that leaves you with almost nothing you can do on your end. But my husband was the way you describe Joey… and then he changed. (Not trying to scare you. Health issues and extenuating circumstances over here.) Relationships are hard. Kids obviously make it harder.

    This was a nice post to read. I was always a bit nosy about the end of your past relationship but didn’t want to prod. :)

  • Reply Mrs. Babie January 5, 2016 at 12:07 pm

    Hi Helga!

    Not sure if you remember me. Lol

    I’ve stayed away from you out of fear. Fear that you’d say mean things to me again or remind me how stupid I can get at times (when I post before actually thinking). What happened last time was a slap on my face, and it has always been a reminder to me that I can’t always be correct & I also need to learn things the hard way.

    But for the last years, I was silently checking on your IG & saw how you changed. I don’t follow your blog though, but sometimes when I’m idle, I check people on IG. And I really enjoyed/secretly loved the change but I was still scared of the old you. Not sure how you are in real life but I really liked how you turned into this pleasant person who’d always say thank you to everyone, not just to your friends. It was really a nice change & I was & still genuinely happy for you, especially after reading this. Hope things will get better for you & Joey. He really is your lucky charm.

    I have been hoping for the longest time that we can be nice to each other again. I loved you before *that* Tumblr fiasco. (It literally gave me nightmares)

    BTW, I had my hair colored last Nov. I used a peg I found via Google. Didn’t know you had the same teal/turquoise ombre. I was surprised too see your hair was as pretty as mine, when mine was done in a salon. You are a pro.

    PS. In case lang na you’re curious. I err resigned from blogging when I got pregnant (around 2012). I was happy & proud with my pregnancy & now my mommy/wife/housewife life, but I think I still don’t have time for blogging.


  • Reply Adyanibc April 17, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    I think sometimes a long distance relationship might be helpful to strengthen the feelings and be sure or not if the right person is worth waiting for but with so many years of long distance might be very difficult to say. The good thing is that you are better now and sure about yourself, it’s not wrong to be alone. I’m also alone after a long relationship and I think I’m finding myself in so many ways that I wouldn’t if I was in that relationship so also, was a good thing. (:

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