Forgive me for posting yet another listicle to add to the cesspit of listicles that is the internet (and my blog); I heard they’re all the rage these days!
The other day, my co-worker and I were crossing the street and had to go around a car that was blocking the pedestrian lane. Really, lady? You didn’t see the stoplight go from green to yellow to red? REALLY??? I wanted to knock on her window and ask where her amo was so I could let them know she was too goddamn stupid to be driving. Or do what this guy did.
It’s really easy to piss off strangers but it’s also really easy to be a decent human being and not ruin someone’s day. Just in case you need to be guided towards the light, I put together a list of easy things you can do to not be hated. This is also a reminder to everyone (myself, included) to mind your manners.
[tweet “It’s really easy to piss off strangers but it’s also really easy to be a decent human being.”]
24 easy ways to not be hated by everyone (your mother, included):
1. Don’t block the pedestrian lane.
2. Stop for pedestrians. You don’t own the road.
3. There are no awards for being super kewl and edgy with your non-conformist opinions so don’t be a contrarian for the sake of being a contrarian, ya asshole.
4. Offer a drunk person water.
5. Hold the door for someone.
6. Greet security guards. Don’t forget to thank them when they hold the door for you.
7. Share your food. Don’t steal food.
8. Ask your co-workers how their weekend went.
9. Pocket your trash. It ticks me off when people just throw their trash on the street, though I admit I do this too with my cigarette butts. I need an ashtray pouch, stat.
10. Say no to plastic bags and disposable utensils.
11. Read before you comment or share something on the internet.
12. Pay your share of the bill.
13. Don’t catcall, slut shame, or victim blame, ya asshole.
14. Keep to the right of escalators so people in a hurry can pass through the left side.
15. Don’t park beside the handicapped ramp.
16. Respect the queue. Don’t try to cut in front of someone.
(One time, Tin and I were in line for a cab at the airport and this impatient family fancied themselves more special than the rest of us as they tried to get someone else’s cab. “Ano? Kung di tayo kikilos, aabutin tayo dito ng Pasko!” the dad exclaimed.
Our time is just as precious as yours, buddy.)
17. Rescue an animal. Spay and neuter your pets.
18. Give up beef, pork, and chicken. JK, I don’t expect anyone to do this but lessening your meat intake is good for the environment.
19. Morning meetings are Satan’s jam. Don’t call for morning meetings unless you want to be on his guest list for hell. Or are Satan himself.
[Tweet “Don’t call for morning meetings, unless you are Satan.”]
20. Chew with your mouth closed, ya farm animal.
21. If you’re Bill Gates, you should stop making Windows laptops.
22. If you’re China, stop being China.
23. Piling on the perfume/cologne is just as bad as reeking of BO. Go easy on it!
24. Don’t shit on someone’s happy moment. You really DON’T need leave that Facebook comment to piss on their bonfire, ya asshole.