Maybe it’s because I’m old and cranky. Maybe it’s because I’m not an imbecile. Maybe it’s because some things are common knowledge (or so I thought)…
But do we really need some privileged stranger to teach us the basics of living life?
I never know how to feel about lifestyle bloggers. They take pretty photos. They eat the best food. They’re always flying off to some fancy cosmopolitan city or hidden beach. They don’t own pets because their sheets are forever white, pristine, and fluffy. They live in airy, well-lit apartments that I can’t afford. They have an endless supply of baby’s breath. Their coffee never spills and they have a lot of oranges WTF??? Their legs are svelte and milky, with no trace of cellulite on their thighs. They have gym memberships. 80% of them are white.
Their highlight reel looks like this:
While mine looks like… a painful attempt to look like theirs. (Hehe.)
Jealousy? Admiration? Resentment? Fascination? Guilt (for trying to be like them)? Maybe I feel a little bit of all. But generally, I think lifestyle bloggers are OKAY. They’re nice to look and are great for photo inspiration (photspo?). But let’s be real— the majority of them are useless.
When I started getting back into blogging, I was told (by the internet) that it is important to offer something useful to your readers. It’s a rule I try to live/blog by because I am not an expired jar of mayonnaise (I hate mayonnaise) taking up precious space. When I make listicles (they’re easy, OKAY), I make damn sure I am offering something useful or funny. If I can’t make you go “ay, oo nga noh, thanks!” the least I can do is try and make you snort in amusement. Your time is precious and eff me if I waste it.
So it really gets my goat when I log in to my Bloglovin and see crap like “How to Have a Girls’ Night Out” or “5 Ways to be Active.” This is what my psychographic is interested in? This is what middle class millennials need? Are we stupid? My golly.
Besides making us feel like we’ll never be as good as them (or their manicured internet lawns), what purpose do lifestyle blogs have? Because they sure are hell aren’t there to teach us how to live, considering this is what my Bloglovin feed looks like:
“10 Ways to Style Shorts”
You pair them with… other clothes? And shoes? Is it no longer possible to get dressed in the mornings without help from the internet?
Unless you don’t have legs, I’m pretty sure you’ll be okay and don’t need to be told to wear your shorts with:
“A sweater if you’re feeling chilly”
“Heels when you’re feeling ~*~flirty~*~”
“A striped tee just because! #LOL”
“10 Ways to Beat Monday Blues”
So now we need tips on HOW TO SUCK IT UP AND BE AN ADULT. Out of curiosity, I clicked, expecting some hokey positive-living radical self-love stuff like visualize your day or buy yourself a f*cking diamond (actual advice from Gala Darling because ya know, everyone can afford a diamond). Instead, I am told to:
“Wash your face with a splash of cold water”
“Make a to-do list”
“Add spirulina to your morning smoothie”
EFF. ME. I’ve been adulting wrong all along.
“5 Reasons Why Working Out is Simply the Best” and “10 Reasons Why Food is Good”
Is this a post meant for babies? I understand when people need a brush-up on etiquette and good manners, but what kind of functioning adult needs to be told (or reminded, as per the article) why food (!!!) or working out is good for them?
“8 Rules to Know Before Tweeting on Twitter”
“Rule #1: Learn how to write in 140 characters.”
At this point, I was yelling at my laptop. Who is this blogger talking to? Babies? Grandmothers? Mole women who lived in an underground bunker for 15 years and are learning about Twitter for the very first time? Who?!?!
“10 Things To Do Before Your 30s”
I actually don’t have an issue with lists like this though it runs the risk of making people feel inadequate BUT HEY WHAT ELSE IS NEW, IT’S THE INTERNET.
My issue is when the list is filled with generic white girl drivel like learn a foreign language or travel the world or do something spontaneous (#LordJesusAlmighty @ this).
“15 Things to Do on a Sunday”
No shit, I can read a book on a Sunday? Watch a movie in bed? Go shopping? Cook? Wow! Without this list, I’d be lost and clueless.
Thank you, Lifestyle Blogger, for teaching me how to live.
REAL TALK, THOUGH: It’s insulting. Why would you treat your audience that way?
I see my readers as smart, funny women and I respect them enough not to subject them to generic, overused BS and platitudes for the sake of publishing “new” content.
Talk to me about the important stuff. Speak from experience.
It requires more work because you’re not just regurgitating crap that’s already on the internet, but it’s also more valuable.
Here are some topics I wish lifestyle bloggers would tackle instead (headlines are subject to revisions):
- How I Take Care of My Vagina
- Utang Dito, Utang Doon: How I Got My Money Back from My BFFs
- How I Won My Friendship Break-Up
- The Lazy Girl’s Guide to Success
- How to Win At Tinder
- How to Go from Call Center Agent to Copywriter in Less than 7 Years
- How to Be a Star Blogger (clue: you have to be young, skinny, and pretty)
- Unclogging the Toilet, Filing Your Taxes: How to Adult
You get me???
But maybe I’m just asking for too much. Maybe I shouldn’t just blindly subscribe to blogs simply because they have a 5-digit following. Maybe I’m just not their target market. MAYBE I’M JUST ANGRY LOL. Who knows? But if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s this: The general lack of substance makes me feel a bit better about my ditzy ole self.
Now excuse me while I
get off trot off on my high horse!!!