Archive for college rat
September 19, 2007 at 2:49 am | Filed under college rat, the helga manual
I found this on Lili’s blog, and in this entry, I showcase to the world just how sophomoric my college paper writing skills are. Funny: when I wrote this shit years ago, I thought I was brilliant and had the makings of an ambassador ambassadress (which, if you still don’t know, is an ambassador’s wife. Idiot). Looking/reading back, I cringe a little at how childish I sound…ed. Hindsight is 20/20, they say. And the sad thing is, that’s as good as a writer I can get.
But first, what I found at Lili’s blog, care of Careercruising.com— you answer a crapload of questions and based on your answers, the website gives you a list of your top 40 compatible career choices. I find it amusing that ‘marriage and family therapist’ is part of my results. And GARDENER. The closest career choice to what I actually took up in college (International Studies, majoring in International Politics. With some units in Development Studies because I was fickle like that) is ‘politician’, which comes in at #37. I must point out that I never aspired to be a politician (perhaps a politician’s wife, yes. Hell, ANYONE’S WIFE, for that matter, would do).
It’s a long list so I’ll just post the top 10. This is why, five years later, I am still kicking myself H.A.R.D. in the ass for not taking up Communication Arts:
1. Director of Photography
2. Website Designer
3. Desktop Publisher
4. Director
5. Coach
6. Artist
7. Special Effects Technician
8. Multimedia Developer
9. Casting Director
10. Animator
Bah.
Out of boredom, I searched my main Gmail account for some of my old college reflection/reaction papers (actual papers weren’t submitted to professors via email and I didn’t pick up the habit of backing up my stuff via the intarwebs until today. Sad, because I remember writing kickass papers on Post-Cold War International Security, the Rwanda Genocide, and New Constitutionalism. Of course, I thought them kickass back then and I bet that if I manage to unearth and re-read said papers [which are saved in my ancient Toshiba], I’m most likely to end up disowning myself).
Excerpts from two of the funnies (aka Papers I Wrote) I found:
Read the rest of this entry »
September 1, 2007 at 4:46 am | Filed under college rat, lists
I was going through my old LJ entries yesterday, in an attempt to re-acquaint myself with this person whom I shall now call Miriam College Helga (not to be confused with Miriam College-Girl Helga— which she never was).
A picture of Miriam College Helga. Drunk. Out of her college level mind. Doing the Emily Rose thing.:
From what I gather and from what I’ve read, Miriam College Helga and I aren’t very different from each other. We both like the same things such as long drunken walks on the beach, making fun of ugly people, power, ambassadors, crash diets, and emotionally-abusive men. I think Miriam College Helga and I are MFEO and I should seriously consider lesbianism.
So I went ahead and compiled a list of my favorite Miriam College Helga LJ entries. The public and deemed “safe” ones, that is. Too bad most of her entries have been privatized and too bad my proxy hates LJ (I can log in to MCH’s account, but I can’t go to her archives or access her journal afterwards) because I would so love to dig up show off her emo post-teenage angst VERY INTELLIGENT COLLEGE-Y entries and put them here. But anyway.
1. Conversing with god, posted March 3, 2005.
HELGA (aka the little cramming twerp): god, please, if you help me and promise me that I won’t die tonight and I can finish writing these two papers before my brain shuts down and melts into a puddle of melted butter oozing out of my nose, I promise I will never ever everevereverever do anything bad until I die or turn 50 (whichever comes first).
GOD (aka the big bad ass kahuna): heh, di ako naniniwala sa ‘yo.
Ohno ohno ohno ohno, the Ionamine is wearing off!!!!!!!!
2. Here with my best friend, posted September 9, 2005.
So Aa and I are thinking of doing something stupid. Like start a drug addiction.
3. Excerpt from New acquisitions, posted May 14, 2006.
I don’t wanna go back to college this June. I want to audition for Pinoy Big Brother and keep working at eTelecare instead. My new goal in life is to be absolutely and horribly jaded by the time I hit the age of 24. I also plan to be kinda-unbelievably rich by that time so I can quit my job and start hunting for that ambassador who will make an ambassadress out of me.
And then I live happily ever after until the age of 35. Or until my first socio-political (and very much public) scandal.
Someone obviously needs to sleep.
4. Excerpt from Holy ho, I’m bored, posted December 27, 2005.
Stop selling myself short, stop acting like a ditz.
But I like being dumb and vapid and getting all ebullient over the shallowest things, like beer bubbles and new shoes. I’m scared I’m turning into a real ditz, though. Case in point:
ME: Dad, I know there’s a movie marathon on HBO today.
So starting next year, my entries shall be formal, sophisticated, classy, devoid of hahas and OMGs, and boring. It’s for my own good. I need to be formal, sophisticated and classy because I plan on marrying a diplomat.
5. Excerpt from Schoolgirl crush!!!, posted on…okay so LJ’s kicked me out.
He was wearing a white ONE wristband and I had the urge to start a conversation, amidst our class discussion, about thesis and Live8 and makepovertyhistory and Bono and Rockstar Politics and all that jazz. Anythiiiiiiing.
He’s an MC graduate and was one of Radj’s favorite students. Radj called him Paulo and I thought “Shit, he’s going to be a bitch to find on Friendster what with the 134563287563 million Paulos in the world.” Damn it, of all the days to come in late, it had to be today!
HE’S ALSO A LAW STUDENT AND OMG, I WANNA MARRY A HOT LAW STUDENT AND I CAN LISTEN TO HIM RATTLE ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT THE CONSTITUTION AND I’LL GLADLY COOK HIS BREAKFAST, SHINE HIS SHOES AND DO HIS LAUNDRY. OMG, anything for a law student husband, a litigator ala John the Biscuit on Ally McBeal (but hot and without the gazillion quirks).
Law student! So smart! He’d comment every now and then and OMG I love how he talks and I had to not be so obvious so I just kept on doodling on my notebook, throwing Radj some questions for clarification about the laws we were discussing. Wow, that’s a long sentence. AND RADJ HAD TO MAKE FUN OF ME TODAY! But it’s okay! That gave me a reason to talk and dazzle him with my wit and charm and fantastic sense of humor! When Radj asked if I brushed my teeth cos it looked like I just woke up, it gave me a reason to give a big smile! Rrrrrrrrawr!
Sedition! It’s a legal technicality! He said so! I believe him!
It’s a bit alarming how I’m still the same ditzy college student. No wonder I fail at life. Maturity, where are you!
Also, I just got PWOTted. :blah:
July 7, 2007 at 1:57 am | Filed under college rat, lists, technicolor lover
It finally hit me the other day that I’ve been out of college for a semester now. It feels longer, but only because I threw away my mom’s money by enrolling for a sem and not attending my classes. But let’s not go down that path.
There are a lot of things I miss about my college years, none of which are:
-partying and getting drunk as fuck on a school night and feeling guilty for missing all my classes the next day or
-getting drunk and dropping Stilnox the night before the first day of classes and sleeping through my first class and waking up to frantic messages on my phone from concerned blockmates worrying that I’ve flipped my education the middle finger in lieu of living a doped-up groupie life where I will get impregnated by a deadbeat has-been drummer in a matter of weeks and I’ll have to resort to selling my things on ebay to support my unplanned unborn child or
-getting shitfaced piss drunk on a school night and waking up two days later and feeling rejuvenated and good for a dazed two minutes before realizing that I missed two days worth of college and ‘holy shit, why am I naked and why don’t my room mates care?!’.
In short, here’s a semi-short list of worthwhile things I miss about college.
1. KAFE days. The epitome of crazy. This is when I discovered that reviewing for my Physics pre-lims while drinking San Mig Light mixed with Extra Joss with a straw from an ice bucket will result into my taking my pre-lims drunk and consequently my scoring the highest in the exam which will lead into my being exempted from said subject’s finals. The only one in my class, bitches. Also, I broke the sink in the ladies’ washroom with a bottle of Colt45. I wasn’t drunk, just angst-ridden. KAFE is also where I first and only experienced getting buzzed drinking cough syrup mixed with gin.
2. Starbucks. I know it sounds pretentious and shit, but I assure you: I was never that Miriam girl. You know, the kind who goes to Starbucks with five or eighteen of her friends and only one actually orders from the bar while the rest smoke their Winston lights and take photos of each other with their camera phones?
Starbucks was for late-night studying with a study buddy or two, each of us talking minimally. Armed with our highlighters, stacks of photocopied reading materials, and a “break book”, we’d nurse our coffees until the guard lowered the metal accordion gate. And then we’d stay a little bit more before trudging back to our respective homes, bothered by the thought that we didn’t get to cram in enough studying.
3. My classes. It may not seem so, but Miriam College is actually a pretty awesome college. A bit hard to digest, being sandwiched by UP and Ateneo and being an all-girls school whose population is mainly made up of airheads whom I’ve been told all look the same (I think the exact words were mga chicks ng Miriam pare-pareho itsura). But really, we have a competitive curriculum. Or so I was told by my department head when I was stressing during registration because the classes I needed to take that sem weren’t offered (and they were pre-reqs!) when they said last sem they were going to be offered. I remember being buddies with our school registrar and sharing our frustrations. “Your course keeps changing it’s curriculum every sem!” “I know! ‘Dynamic’, my ass, I need that Seminar on International and Regional Organizations class, damn it and where is eeeet!!!”
There was this one semester I was willing to commit suicide by taking up 29 units. The registrar approved my request, my department head yelled at me. For wanting to commit suicide. “You’re taking International and Globalized Economics this sem!”, she shrieked, waving my list of subjects in the air. “Do you think that’s an easy class?! Are you suicidal?!” I ended up with 21 units and a 4.5 in IGE when the semester ended. PS: 5 is the highest in our grading system.
4. Screwing up all the damn time.
5. Regidorm. A story: once upon a time, I had friends who lived in a room in a house on Regidor Street inside Varsity Hills. We named that house Regidorm. Every vacant period, droves of Miriam girls would walk up to the tricycle stand with one cry: “Manong, sa Regidor!” Trike drivers wondered: “Sorority house ba yan?” No, manong, it’s Regidorm, the house where we smoke our lungs out in the front yard, eat meal after meal ordered from Happy Homes, played old school Family Computer video games (Pooyan!) on some VCD-like console, and just generally had beautiful conversations with friends.
6. Ionamin and going 48 hours without sleep because a comprehensive analysis slash book report of The Communist Manifesto is due on the same day as my 27-hour community service for Theology class is. And I still had four hours to complete. Red Bull Light as my date for four consecutive Fridays because there was always something that required pulling an all-nighter for for my Saturday morning Comparative Foreign Policy class. Nights spent at Seattle’s Best Coffee’s airconditioned smoking area, reading Mark Hardt’s Empire from my ancient Toshiba laptop. Begging my Thesis groupmate for a half-hour break so I can go home to the dorm and take a quick nap. Waking up forty-five minutes later, jumping into the shower, standing under cold water, wrapping myself in a towel afterwards, and then falling asleep with my head leaning against my closet.
In other words, making like a zombie.
7. The standard philosophical and political ramblings that seem to be expected of and even natural to college students, but are just pretentious and can be downright laughable now. LIKE, SERIOUSLY. Retardation, incoherence, and Sheryl Cruz > Jean-Paul Sartre, Amartya Sen, Focault, and figuring out the meaning of life (the answer is 42). But it’s still something to be missed, like, loads cos back then I could, like, actually finish a whole conversation without sounding like a wannabe Valley Girl. Tubular!
That’s my abridged list. And now, a photo for posterity: because if there’s one thing I will never miss, it’s having to wear my uniform four times a week. Do you guys have ANY idea how hot it is under those clothes?
And today’s “This Gave Me The Happies!” conversation is still with Mr Supervisor:
Helga: Ang taba-taba ni -Mr Sup’s name-! *squeezes Mr Supervisor’s tummy*
Him: Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m working on it! *squeezes my tummy back* Nakakahiya, I might not be able to date Helga HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
:blush:
June 17, 2006 at 5:33 am | Filed under a waste of human capital, college rat
Titan Fun Day Awards! Boo. The beach trip was moved to next weekend because of Father’s Day.
So this is cute. It is beyond me, though, why I am nominated for Ms Rampadora. I do NOT loitter around the operations floor, okay. It just so happens that my supervisor sits away from our team :P
It Gets More Absurd! Miriam College (ya know, my college) has always been strict with its dress code; I mean, two out of the three minor violations (that eventually led to my having a major violation) I’ve had in all my four years in college were caused by my going to school in ‘improper attire’.
It’s a Catholic institution. Common sense dictates no miniskirts, no rubber flipflops, no backless or halter tops, no tank tops with straps less than an inch etc etc. Once, even girls in black bras were randomly reprimanded by the dean of student affairs.
Ever since my major violation, I’ve made it a point to follow college rules and regulations. Thank god for sequined non-rubber flipflops. So anyway, last Wednesday, I went to school to finally enroll my ass. I was wearing rubber platform flipflops, having come from work.
Lady guard: You’re wearing rubber slippers.
Helga: (Like I don’t know?) I’M JUST ENROLLING!!! (Jesus!)
I had to go back yesterday to pay for my tuition. I passed by the guards, waving a yellow form and my registration form under their noses. I had successfuly made it past the gates when one of them went:
“Miss, your earrings are too long. Kindly Take them off.”
I rub my ears as I walk away from them (as they were still calling out to me), feigning to take them off. I send Rabi and Clem a message each, relaying to them this latest Miriam horror story.
Clem: HAHAHAHA, BEEEECAUSE WE’RE CATHOLIC SKEWL GRLZZZ.
See. I don’t get it. Why are dangling/chandelier earrings deemed improper by our school now? Do dangling earrings demoralize women? Do we stoop to prostitute-levels because we’re not wearing boring plain studs? AND WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THIS UP?
Technically, earrings aren’t part of the Miriam uniform so I *kinda* get THEIR point. BUT! I WASN’T IN UNIFORM YESTERDAY (and won’t ever need to be, since I only have Saturday classes) SO LAY OFF MY PRECIOUS EARRINGS, PLEASE.
Rabi: If you’re not in uniform, they can’t do anything about your earrings.
Helga: Dude! I’m not in uniform!
Rabi: Baka type ni manang! Ibigay mo na!
LOLOLOLOLOL.
June 9, 2006 at 4:41 am | Filed under college rat, ditz drivel
I’ve been putting off enrolling for college for more than a week now. The new semester began last Tuesday, and I guess the main reason I haven’t been hauling my ass to my college’s Records section is because my first class isn’t until Saturday at 8am.
No. Wait. That isn’t the reason. The truth is, I haven’t been cleared from last semester. I still have ONE requirement to submit, before I can finally make my way to fifth-year status. And you know what sucks? It’s only a four-page reflection paper that I need to pass to the college guidance center. A four-paged, double-spaced, Times New Roman size 12 paper is a piece of cake. I can churn out a two-page, single-spaced essay on trade liberalization and the Philippines in half an hour. I can write about Asian sweatshops and globalization in the same span of time it takes me to write an LJ entry. So why has it taken me MONTHS to get started on this four-page non-academic, I-don’t-even-need-references essay?
Because I. Am supposed to write. About. My experiences. And lessons learned. In college.
I’MNOTEVENDONEWITHCOLLEGEYET.
Every year, the guidance center requires us students to submit such requirements, and I’m pretty sure not one of those hundreds of papers are read. I am tempted to just actually write the first and last page and fill in pages two and three with lyrics from a song or re-hashed verses out of the Bible. =/
It’s one of my biggest annoyances, too, how people put their college years on a pedestal. Like it’s supposed to be the culmination of twenty or so years of existence. Like it actually prepares you for The Real World. I go to college to get an education, not to glorify whatever “life lessons” I may or may not have learned; and not to fucking feed my school’s ego by putting on paper such bullshit like “OMGZ, college was such an eye-opener for me, I became a citizen of the world after four years of being holed-up in the buildings of this institution.”
I love my course, I love my professors, I’m pretty sure I’m going to love the three classes I’ll be enrolling for later this morning. But I hate my college, I hate the administration, and I hate that I’m overstaying (yes, I know it’s my fault).
Just two more semesters.
I’m having a shitty day at work. =/
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
