CAMWHORING 101: DON’T EVER DO THAT!

May 1, 2008 at 7:07 pm | Filed under camwhorage, ditz drivel, mr wonderful

As most of you already know (because the very day I got it, I messaged half of the people on my YM list), I was recently given a Flickr PRO account by a very awesome, very generous, and very sexy person (also known as my lover). Now I’m no photographer and I grudgingly make do with my stupid piece-of-shit point-and-shoot Sony Cybershot and Photoshop to come up with half-decent photos (I’m sorry, I take photos not pictures; same way that I watch films, not movies. Now HUHLOLZ with me, please). Amazingly enough I’ve been told (by lover and my mom) that I have an eye for photography and that I take nice photos (again, said by lover and my mom).

Lover even created another YM handle to “anonymously” message me (under the username t****ekicks) to say this:

t****ekicks: some nice pictures on you flickr. you should upgrade to a dSLR soon.
Helga: I know, haha. Thank you =)
(t****ekicks: Also, nice tits. Your face isn’t so bad but your mouth is so annoying, I feel the need to bitchslap it. Hard. With my penis.)

MY POINT-AND-SHOOT CAMERA. LOHOHOLZ I’M SO WITTEH!

But this entry isn’t about how I truly need to get rid of my POSPOS cam and get myself a snazzy dSLR (because really, I don’t want to bully an already stressed, very awesome, very generous, and very sexy person also known as my lover and pressure him into doing something he probably only meant half-heartedly by publishing in my blog that he plans on getting me one. One = dSLR). No siree.

I was chatting with Fatima Camiloza today (you can read her interview with Comicology here) and she happened to be on my Flickr account (not surprisingly, as I have been pimping it non-stop the past week). This is what she had to say:

Fatima camiloza: I hate these one angle girls. I want to punch them in the face lol
Fatima camiloza: I love how your pics have such variety

So I may not be a photographer but I sure am a camwhore (and a pretty damn good one, except when other people are taking my pictur— I mean, photos. Somehow, I always end up looking like a tool when I’m not the one doing the snapping). Give me five minutes with a camera and I’ll take about 200+ pictur— I mean, photos. Of myself. And maybe myself with a few random objects and someone else’s elbow.

Now because I am such an awesome awesome camwhore (it’s also probably the only thing in my life I’m good at, besides giving head), I’m here to give you a few quick and basic DON’T EVER DO THAT!s in camwhoring.

Bring on the uglies!

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SMORTY, TAKE TWO.

April 6, 2008 at 2:02 pm | Filed under ditz drivel

Months ago, I signed up for Smortyand I doubt that there’s anyone out there who still doesn’t know what Smorty’s all about. But just in case, it’s a blog advertising service. You sign up, they approve your blog, you’re given opportunities to write about (aka advertise) on your blog, and then they pay you for it. Easy money!

What’s convenient about Smorty is that no matter the topic, the the minimum word count for a blog post is 150. Other services usually require a minimum of 200 words. When the topic is something as…uh, “foreign” and mundane as drapes, it’s going to be kind of hard to cough up 200 words. Heh.

I honestly haven’t earned anything from it, though, because the opportunities are scarce, but I’m hoping that’s because I never really took the time to accept any of the present ones. Let’s see.

Yes, this post is brought to you by Smorty.

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COOKING SCHOOL!

April 5, 2008 at 4:03 am | Filed under ditz drivel

Once upon a time, I shared an apartment with four other people and one of them was a South African white boy who was in the country to attend culinary school. Suffice to say, his cooking skills made me want to go to chef school, too, if only to learn how to slice carrots and onions into fine strips and not cut off my fingers in the process.

Here’s a list of culinary schools.

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OPLAN: WORLD DOMINATION.

March 28, 2008 at 7:47 am | Filed under ditz drivel

Ever since I learned how to count (and contrary to popular belief, I did not learn how to count when I was in high school. I know I suck at math, but I don’t suck that much), I have always aspired for world domination. Unfortunately, life got in the way of this plan and I am guilty of slacking off. Now that I have realized and accepted that, it’s time that I set my priorities straight.

Step 1 of OPLAN: World Domination— acquire the necessary equipment:

A pen tablet that shoots laser beams!

Read the rest of the entry »

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LAZY SUNDAYS AND LAZY BLOGGING.

March 16, 2008 at 2:46 pm | Filed under admin, camwhorage, ditz drivel

First things first: my bandwidth has reached 80% of its limit and there’s a good chance my site will be experiencing some downtime, seeing that I’m as broke as a jobless single mother of two with a crack addiction and won’t be able to upgrade my hosting package any time soon. I was reading up on bandwidth optimization last night but I can’t, for the life of and geek in me, understand how to enable HTTP compression. I fail. And OMG, I keep getting email reminders and the usage keeps going up every time! I’m panicking!!!

I already emailed Dragweb to inquire about upgrading my package (a backgrounder: I’m currently on a free hosting package because when I renewed my site last May 2007, my host was supposed to move my site to his new hosting company, but that didn’t happen. So though I’m supposed to be with Technoville, I’m not. But my domain name registration is. Anyway, DW downgraded my package). I even thought about just completely switching hosts, but when I think about it, I like Dragweb. Never had any downtime, they get back to me pretty quickly, and I like their packages. Plus, the fact that my site isn’t even supposed to be up (technically) but IS up shows that they somewhat care about their clients. Aww.

I hate being broke and jobless, being the kind of person who never had any sort of financial difficulties in the past. I can’t ask my mom for money to pay for hosting because that would set off the parental Spanish Inquisition (What’s a blog? Why do you have one? What do you put there? Can we see?). I already asked my mom for money to buy 2 gigs of RAM for 1k and she said yes; too bad I was a day late and the dude found a buyer. Meh.

Plus, my mom had a garage sale the other day and sold about half of my wardrobe (obviously, stuff I no longer wear). None of the earnings went to me, of course, and I’m not complaining. I just wish I had the means to replace the stuff that went out because my cabinet is looking very very very dismal.

That said, here’s a bunch of stuff I bought at the mall yesterday. “Essentials”, is what I call them: V05 Curvaceous Curls mousse for my, uh, curls. Revlon Colorsilk in Light Plum Brown because my roots are showing and I have this knack for never using the same brand and color when re-touching my hair. The Face Shop’s Baked Shimmer All-Over Illuminator in Pink Nuance which better be worth the price tag (it’s cheek blush and eyeshadow in one).

Check out this funny (picture sucks because I have a piece of shit point-and-shoot camera):

I was surprised to see that the pretty mug I picked out for my afternoon coffee had an Oscar de la Renta marking on it. Yeah, what’s next, Valentino teaspoons?

(I am well aware that Oscar de la Renta has a tableware collection, but this mug is definitely not part of it)

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