Friday night at our neighborhood watering hole, I was able to witness a Miriam College Lesbian Chick Fight (of course, I could be wrong about them being from Miriam College, especially since I can’t argue “I know my kind” because a) I am not a lesbian, b) I refuse to associate myself with them and c) I wasn’t your typical MC chick. But yeah, I know a Miriam College lesbian when I see one). A drunken group of girls sitting on the sidewalk (a few meters away from the garbage pile), two of them bitching at each other while the rest sat around and not cared. The butch in the relationship starts cursing at the femme and the femme curses back. Femme stands up, butch pushes her back, and femme— in her tube dress glory— falls ungracefully on the concrete, her legs up in the air. The fight doesn’t end there, but we don’t stick around to watch for more.
I recount the incident to some friends and throw in a couple more stories about how feral lesbian relationships’ fights can get. One of them says that perhaps it’s the lack of sex between girl-girl couples that make them so volatile and violent. I agree.
But really, for the following chicks ladies, I’d willingly give up…well, a few things (trying to keep it PG, trying to avoid the C-word).
KRISTEN BELL (Veronica Mars, Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
MILEY CYRUS (Hannah Montana)
(Nevermind that I’ve never seen an episode of Hannah Montana, I adore Little Miss Skank City. At first, I couldn’t decide whether or not to like her camwhoring ass until I saw her guest and sing on Oprah and that’s when I decided: I like her camwhoring ass.
Also, I felt really really dirty looking at pictures of Miley.)
KIM KARDASHIAN (her sex tape with Ray J, Keeping Up With The Kardashians)
(Again, nevermind that she’s shallow and #2 on the New York Times’ dumbest list and maybe her ass is two seconds away from being obese. Kim K is hot stuff.)
HAYDEN PANETTIERE (Bring It On: All Or Nothing, Heroes)
Lover and I were going through my google analytics stats this morning and boy, did we find some gems in my referring keywords. I bring to you a list of the funniest:
“lots of blowjobs”
“jerry yan” armpit hair
amanda bynes armpits
armpit fetish
armpit obsessions
blake lively tits
battered housewife syndrome
boobs africa
fucking lara
golden net sex
so i guess what they say is true i could never be the right kind of girl for you
helga fuck
helga the beer girl
how many washrooms required for 300 employees
karir britney spears 2008
lara croft taking shit
sexy hairy armpits
the importance of the stream of consciousness
what is your panty
what to do when you’re a ditz
What is my panty? Currently black. How many washrooms required for 300 employees?? Definitely more than two. Boobs Africa??? Yes, they do have women with breasts there.
As much as I enjoy slitting my wrists, slicking layer upon layer of eyeliner, crying, and emo-ing out to Hawthorne Heights’ Ohio Is For Lovers* when life gets shitty and oh-so-unbearable (like when my bangs aren’t as floppy as they were yesterday, causing only a fourth of my face to be covered or when I run out of things to be angry or sad about), sometimes, happy music is just what I need to get through these trying times. Truly, listening to songs about sunshine and rainbows and Hello Kitty and Miley Cyrus is the best way to cope when one is stricken with the *~emo feeling~*. These songs are called ~feel-good songs~ because they inspire us to be happy and not sad and not emo and generally make us want to be better people, better children, better lovers, better students, and better citizens.
CHACARRON MACARRON BY EL MUDO: NOT A FEEL-GOOD SONG.
Now because I am a simple people with a brain capable only of the simplest thoughts and simplest blog entries, I have here a list made up of my five ~feel-good songs~ that inspire me to be happy and not sad and not emo and generally make me want to be a better people, a better children, a better lovers, a better students, and a better citizens.
I’ve always regarded Natasha Bedingfield as “that Bedingfield girl? That gay dude’s sister? The one who sang that really gay song? Yeah, him. She’s the sister.” You could say I’m about four years late “loving” this song, and it’s all thanks to The Hills. It’s quite silly, actually, how my heart swells and soars everytime this song comes on. It’s also possible that this sort of reaction is actually brought upon by my love for The Hills and LA (loverrrr) and not the song itself.
Well, not really.
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Some three years ago, Sam called this the defining song of our generation. I felt bad not having the slightest clue who The Ataris were so I immediately downloaded the song and it has since been of my favoritest tracks of all time. It’s just so…defining of our generation! It brings to mind road trips and meadows and chasing after dragonflies and collapsing on the greenest grass and asking the dude next to you to hand you an ice cold beer while you doodle hearts on your Chucks as someone strums a guitar in the not-so-far distance. While you eat KFC chicken.
Not that I’ve ever done that. Except for the KFC part.
Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
and that unspoken feeling
of knowing that right now is all that matters.
This is a song I’ve loved since high school (along with the whole Dawson’s Creek vol I OST) and I always dreamed of having someone who’d make me feel like this song. But really, it takes me back to when I was a sad and ~deep~ teen with a superiority complex who thought herself above her peers simply because she listened to ~the good stuff~ as opposed to the cheesy prom music that they all went gaga for (Michael Johnson’s I’ll Always Love You is an example of cheesy prom music).
No, not really. But something like that.
I’m coming home to you
I’m alive I’m a mess
I can’t wait to get home to you
To get warm and undressed
…
So keep me in your bed all day
Nothing heals me like you do
Oh, shut up. You know you loved and played the heck out of this song three years ago (if you’re Filipino). It was and will always be one of my favorites, even though every Friendster Beauty (you know…those people who are only pretty on their Friendster profiles because they brighten the crap out of their pictures to hide all their ugly) out there probably knows the lyrics by heart and have once called themselves a “real, messy, beautiful, twisted sunshine”.
AN EXAMPLE OF A FRIENDSTER BEAUTY…EXCEPT SHE’S STILL UGLY.
THEREFORE, WE CALL THIS: FRIENDSTER FOTOSHOP FAIL.
Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we’re floating, when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love, and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine
I hope these songs bring joy and laughter to your life the way they have brought joy and laughter to mine.
Other ~feel-good songs~ I am not ashamed to admit I love: Wake Up - Hilary Duff, L.O.V.E. - Ashlee Simpson, Stars Are Blind - Paris Hilton, Stickwitu - The Pussycat Dolls, and I Want You - Savage Garden.
“Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst” with generators.
*Yes, I totally googled “most emo songs”. I’ve never really heard of that song until a few minutes ago
It’s been a rough week for lover and me (a-ha, quick grammar lesson I picked up from Board X! When using “___ and me” or “___ and I”, the rule is, the “me” or “I” should make sense when the other person— represented by the blank— is removed), but I got over it and ended the week with a bang. By “a bang”, I, of course, mean A Much Needed Drink (Or Two. Or Three. Oh Who Am I Kidding, I Had Too Many).
Unfortunately, things are yet to get better for lover and it pains (whatta word) me that all I can do is show him my boobies and have goofy LOLcat cybersex with him to give him his happies. BAH. This morning, I kinda-drunk international-dialed him and this wouldn’t be a big deal and wouldn’t even merit a sentence in this blog had it not been the first time I heard his voice in almost two months (so sexeh, hiz voice!). It’s tough, folks, but I’m managing.
Over a year ago, Chris Brogan posted a list of 100 blog topics “I hope YOU write about”. It’s a long ass list and most of the topics are beyond my scope of interest (social media? Branding? Uh…blogging? What is this “blogging” thing you speak of?), so I do not hope to cover all 100 topics. I’ll definitely keep this in mind for days when I am in need of blog fodder.
Today’s blog topic is very random, as it is a very random Sunday. By the way, what’s YOUR favorite Alicia Keys song? Here’s ours:
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ALICIA KEYS SONG!
Helga: On The Wings of Love!
Allah: Wind Beneath My Wings!
Drew: Got To Believe In Magic!
Today, I give you my five rules for naming (my) kids (don’t worry, these rules have yet to be applied outside a Sims 2 setting).
1. Merging the dad’s and mom’s names is just wrong, gaudy, and totally not clever. In highschool, I had an insane crush on a guy named Rodmyr. Can you guess his folks’s names?
2. Not really a rule, but more like a pre-caution: have a name ready and make sure the nurse on duty is writing down the correct name. A former co-worker of mine is named Baby Regina. I’ve heard of a dude named Baby Boy.
3. The name has to be a…well, a full (aka REAL) name and not a nickname. I once met a girl named just Fe (and I no longer recall her last name, but it was pretty short, too. Like, three letters short), a just Dondy, a just Bob, and a just Mafe. First thing that came to mind: “Where’s the rest of your name?” How lazy were their parents? My pets have longer names.
4. Do not get creative with the spelling. Call me traditional, but I don’t see the need to be fucking around with otherwise okay-ly spelled names. Keeyauh? Alyxandreea? Marijayne? Qchristopher? Ccamryn?
5. Do not be trendy or “clever” when it comes to naming your kid. “Heaven” was bad enough a name. “Nevaeh” is punishment (of course, this is just preference. If you find those names cute…um). I also fail to grasp the logic behind names with apostrophes. Say’Yonce? Ramse’s? Asia’h? Da’nyelle? Makena’lei? W’H'Y’???
(All names mentioned in #4 and #5 can be found here. Just dig around a bit.)
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. More?
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
