Archive for lists
March 30, 2008 at 11:54 pm | Filed under lists, mr wonderful, the helga manual
It’s been a rough week for lover and me (a-ha, quick grammar lesson I picked up from Board X! When using “___ and me” or “___ and I”, the rule is, the “me” or “I” should make sense when the other person— represented by the blank— is removed), but I got over it and ended the week with a bang. By “a bang”, I, of course, mean A Much Needed Drink (Or Two. Or Three. Oh Who Am I Kidding, I Had Too Many).
Unfortunately, things are yet to get better for lover and it pains (whatta word) me that all I can do is show him my boobies and have goofy LOLcat cybersex with him to give him his happies. BAH. This morning, I kinda-drunk international-dialed him and this wouldn’t be a big deal and wouldn’t even merit a sentence in this blog had it not been the first time I heard his voice in almost two months (so sexeh, hiz voice!). It’s tough, folks, but I’m managing.
Over a year ago, Chris Brogan posted a list of 100 blog topics “I hope YOU write about”. It’s a long ass list and most of the topics are beyond my scope of interest (social media? Branding? Uh…blogging? What is this “blogging” thing you speak of?), so I do not hope to cover all 100 topics. I’ll definitely keep this in mind for days when I am in need of blog fodder.
Today’s blog topic is very random, as it is a very random Sunday. By the way, what’s YOUR favorite Alicia Keys song? Here’s ours:
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ALICIA KEYS SONG!
Helga: On The Wings of Love!
Allah: Wind Beneath My Wings!
Drew: Got To Believe In Magic!
Today, I give you my five rules for naming (my) kids (don’t worry, these rules have yet to be applied outside a Sims 2 setting).
1. Merging the dad’s and mom’s names is just wrong, gaudy, and totally not clever. In highschool, I had an insane crush on a guy named Rodmyr. Can you guess his folks’s names?
2. Not really a rule, but more like a pre-caution: have a name ready and make sure the nurse on duty is writing down the correct name. A former co-worker of mine is named Baby Regina. I’ve heard of a dude named Baby Boy.
3. The name has to be a…well, a full (aka REAL) name and not a nickname. I once met a girl named just Fe (and I no longer recall her last name, but it was pretty short, too. Like, three letters short), a just Dondy, a just Bob, and a just Mafe. First thing that came to mind: “Where’s the rest of your name?” How lazy were their parents? My pets have longer names.
4. Do not get creative with the spelling. Call me traditional, but I don’t see the need to be fucking around with otherwise okay-ly spelled names. Keeyauh? Alyxandreea? Marijayne? Qchristopher? Ccamryn?
5. Do not be trendy or “clever” when it comes to naming your kid. “Heaven” was bad enough a name. “Nevaeh” is punishment (of course, this is just preference. If you find those names cute…um). I also fail to grasp the logic behind names with apostrophes. Say’Yonce? Ramse’s? Asia’h? Da’nyelle? Makena’lei? W’H'Y’???
(All names mentioned in #4 and #5 can be found here. Just dig around a bit.)
What are your rules for naming (your) kids?
February 8, 2008 at 3:24 pm | Filed under ditz drivel, lists, the helga manual
Valentine’s Day is nearing and for some reason, I feel slightly compelled to write an entry relating to the occasion. I’m not about to bitch about my lacking a physical Valentine this year (much like last year) because despite the fact that I’m often single (though involved…a situation that sucks more than being just plain single) whenever February 14 comes around, I’m still a big fan of the day. Which I spend celebrating my love for friends. All together now: Sige, maglokohan tayo, Helga.
Given that, I am severely lacking experience when it comes to Valentine’s Day dates. But I’ve had my fair share, and so because blogging about how sad I am gets old fast (and quite honestly, I don’t want to wallow; coping and getting back to happy mode comes to me almost automatically, much like the way I move cards around in a game of Free Cell: I just click click click and before I know it, Mr King’s telling me I just won. Again. Fuck, what was I saying. I don’t want to wallow. There), I give you my five worst Valentine’s Day dates EVER (#5 being the lesser nightmare, #1 being an example of why drunk girls should never make very drunken and bad and stupid decisions to go out with dudes who ask them out two days before Valentine’s Day. YEAH, WE ALL KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING).
5 -
4 -
3 -
2 -
You think I’m stupid (and most likely drunk as I am typing this), but I’m trying to prove a point here. Also, I’m saving you time.
Read the rest of the entry »
January 25, 2008 at 11:48 am | Filed under lists
First, I’d like to begin this entry with three very short open letters.
Dear Future/Potential Employers Who Googled My Name for A Background Check,
These aren’t my boobs. And the girl in all the half-naked underwear-clad pictures found on this blog (clue: sidebar–> categories–> camwhorage. Enjoy)? NOT ME. Sorry. I’m too much of a busy and insanely focused-on-her-job person to spend her time in front of her living room mirror snapping photo after photo of herself for internet-whoring purposes. I know, I know. The girl suspiciously looks very much like me, but I’m telling you now: IT’S NOT ME!!!
Thank you,
Helga
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Dear Lover,
Please don’t email my mom my URL.
Love,
Helga
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Dear Mom,
Uh, hi. The half-naked underwear-clad chick in the pictures? Totally found her on Myspace. I just Photoshopped my face onto her body. Swear.
Love,
Helga
Now that that’s out of the way, I give you: five superduper short reasons why I want a bewb job!
Read the rest of the entry »
October 13, 2007 at 1:44 am | Filed under lists, the internets
One of the things that motivate me The only thing that motivates me to go to work nowadays is the one-peso vendo-machine coffee high-speed internet (and spanking brand new HP L1940T flatscreen monitors and HP Compaq, uh, processors) that our office provides us with. Of course, if you’re a good employee (like me), you know that this ultra-awesome connection should only be utilized for browsing and accessing work-related and business-related websites.
Unfortunately, because the world is corrupt and evil and is powered by a master pimp named xxxSataNxxx, us good employees eventually stray from the virtuous path of making use of magazines and books to keep ourselves partially sane during the nine hours that we are chained to our desks and phones by a headset. Of course, there exists the alternative of engaging in mindless chatter and banter with our co-workers, but I would honestly rather stab herself in the head with a spoon than carry a conversation with people who pepper their sentences with the words ‘Churvax’ and ‘Churfur’.
(Truth is, they all ignore me now because last I attempted to socialize with them, I called this girl named Rudelyn a cockface and they kinda didn’t like that.)
So I strayed. It was hard at first, not because I have a conscience but because our IT department’s head technician is Chuck Norris. Gais, meet Chuck Norris (and no, I can’t promise he won’t kill you):
…
…
Are you ready?
Read the rest of the entry »
September 1, 2007 at 4:46 am | Filed under college rat, lists
I was going through my old LJ entries yesterday, in an attempt to re-acquaint myself with this person whom I shall now call Miriam College Helga (not to be confused with Miriam College-Girl Helga— which she never was).
A picture of Miriam College Helga. Drunk. Out of her college level mind. Doing the Emily Rose thing.:
From what I gather and from what I’ve read, Miriam College Helga and I aren’t very different from each other. We both like the same things such as long drunken walks on the beach, making fun of ugly people, power, ambassadors, crash diets, and emotionally-abusive men. I think Miriam College Helga and I are MFEO and I should seriously consider lesbianism.
So I went ahead and compiled a list of my favorite Miriam College Helga LJ entries. The public and deemed “safe” ones, that is. Too bad most of her entries have been privatized and too bad my proxy hates LJ (I can log in to MCH’s account, but I can’t go to her archives or access her journal afterwards) because I would so love to dig up show off her emo post-teenage angst VERY INTELLIGENT COLLEGE-Y entries and put them here. But anyway.
1. Conversing with god, posted March 3, 2005.
HELGA (aka the little cramming twerp): god, please, if you help me and promise me that I won’t die tonight and I can finish writing these two papers before my brain shuts down and melts into a puddle of melted butter oozing out of my nose, I promise I will never ever everevereverever do anything bad until I die or turn 50 (whichever comes first).
GOD (aka the big bad ass kahuna): heh, di ako naniniwala sa ‘yo.
Ohno ohno ohno ohno, the Ionamine is wearing off!!!!!!!!
2. Here with my best friend, posted September 9, 2005.
So Aa and I are thinking of doing something stupid. Like start a drug addiction.
3. Excerpt from New acquisitions, posted May 14, 2006.
I don’t wanna go back to college this June. I want to audition for Pinoy Big Brother and keep working at eTelecare instead. My new goal in life is to be absolutely and horribly jaded by the time I hit the age of 24. I also plan to be kinda-unbelievably rich by that time so I can quit my job and start hunting for that ambassador who will make an ambassadress out of me.
And then I live happily ever after until the age of 35. Or until my first socio-political (and very much public) scandal.
Someone obviously needs to sleep.
4. Excerpt from Holy ho, I’m bored, posted December 27, 2005.
Stop selling myself short, stop acting like a ditz.
But I like being dumb and vapid and getting all ebullient over the shallowest things, like beer bubbles and new shoes. I’m scared I’m turning into a real ditz, though. Case in point:
ME: Dad, I know there’s a movie marathon on HBO today.
So starting next year, my entries shall be formal, sophisticated, classy, devoid of hahas and OMGs, and boring. It’s for my own good. I need to be formal, sophisticated and classy because I plan on marrying a diplomat.
5. Excerpt from Schoolgirl crush!!!, posted on…okay so LJ’s kicked me out.
He was wearing a white ONE wristband and I had the urge to start a conversation, amidst our class discussion, about thesis and Live8 and makepovertyhistory and Bono and Rockstar Politics and all that jazz. Anythiiiiiiing.
He’s an MC graduate and was one of Radj’s favorite students. Radj called him Paulo and I thought “Shit, he’s going to be a bitch to find on Friendster what with the 134563287563 million Paulos in the world.” Damn it, of all the days to come in late, it had to be today!
HE’S ALSO A LAW STUDENT AND OMG, I WANNA MARRY A HOT LAW STUDENT AND I CAN LISTEN TO HIM RATTLE ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT THE CONSTITUTION AND I’LL GLADLY COOK HIS BREAKFAST, SHINE HIS SHOES AND DO HIS LAUNDRY. OMG, anything for a law student husband, a litigator ala John the Biscuit on Ally McBeal (but hot and without the gazillion quirks).
Law student! So smart! He’d comment every now and then and OMG I love how he talks and I had to not be so obvious so I just kept on doodling on my notebook, throwing Radj some questions for clarification about the laws we were discussing. Wow, that’s a long sentence. AND RADJ HAD TO MAKE FUN OF ME TODAY! But it’s okay! That gave me a reason to talk and dazzle him with my wit and charm and fantastic sense of humor! When Radj asked if I brushed my teeth cos it looked like I just woke up, it gave me a reason to give a big smile! Rrrrrrrrawr!
Sedition! It’s a legal technicality! He said so! I believe him!
It’s a bit alarming how I’m still the same ditzy college student. No wonder I fail at life. Maturity, where are you!
Also, I just got PWOTted. :blah:
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
