Archive for screen queen
April 5, 2008 at 4:03 am | Filed under screen queen
But first: POP QUIZ! Say, you live in the boondocks that is Antipolo and you’re set to watch a musical at 8pm in a faraway place called Makati. You have to be there 730ish, for a group picture of sorts. Question: what time do you have to leave home to be able to make it on time?
a) Hmm. 6pm-ish? An hour and a half should be enough. I mean, Makati isn’t really that far-faraway. Heck, travel time on a good day takes about 30-45 minutes.
b) TRY THE DAY BEFORE BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG WILL GO WRONG. Like, construction along C5 that will make the hellish commute last an unnecessary hour longer.
About a month ago, I got an invitation to watch Repertory Philippines‘ local production of Altar Boyz. A quick search on Wikipedia and I was armed with all the information I needed: Altar Boyz “is a musical comedy about a fictitious Christian boy band from Ohio. It addresses and satirizes, among other things, the phenomenon of boy bands, the popularity of Christian-themed music and products in contemporary American culture.”
Huh. Boybands + religion + indifferent atheist me. Should be interesting.
Last Thursday night, no thanks to the goddamn traffic, I was an hour late for the Manila leg of their Raise The Praise tour (the musical-play is acted out as a concert and the boys are there to sing and save the lost souls in the audience). After managing to find a seat in the dark (the theater was full!), I sat down next to this smelly stranger just in time for the fourth to the last song.
What I loved most about the musical (besides it being witty and hilarious) was— in true boyband fashion— the stereotyping of the band members ( I’m a huge fan of stereotypes and mainly for retarded reasons). The Altar Boyz consists of Matthew, the group’s crucifix-donning leader; Mark, the effeminate dude in pink (prompting the standard “Is he gay?” question); Juan, (to borrow Fritz’s words) the Latin flavor; Abraham, the Jewish dude; and Luke, the pretty-but-dumb badass (my favorite character because it is played by Reuben Uy hotness).
I suck, I know, and I’ll be watching it again. I was thoroughly entertained by the little that I saw of it (the singing! The dancing! The script! The punchlines! The drama!), and as Fritz said: the audience was in stitches from start to end. I’m not about to start listening to Christian pop, though. Heh.
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Altar Boyz is directed by Chari Arespacochaga and stars PJ Valerio, Red Concepcion, Chevy Mercado, Reb Atadero, and Reuben Uy. The musical-play is scheduled to run from April 3 to April 27, 2008 at the Onstage Theater (2/F) Greenbelt 1. Shows are on Fridays and Saturdays at 8pm with Saturday and Sunday matinees at 330pm. Tickets are at P 550.00 (gold, reserved seating), P 350.00 (free seating), and P 250.00 (free seating).
For tickets, reservations, and information call the Rep office at 8870710 or Ticketworld at 891999. You may also log on to www.repertory-philippines.com or www.ticketworld.com.ph. Tickets are also available at the REP office located at 2316 Pasong Tamo Extension, Makati City and at the gate before every performance.
To reserve Altar Boyz GOLD tickets for the 26 April Saturday 3.30pm show, please contact Lorna Lopez thru:
(Globe) 0917.9256505
(Sun) 0922.3875729
(email) cranegoddesscorp at gmail dot com
December 19, 2007 at 5:28 am | Filed under camwhorage, ditz drivel, screen queen
Me and my propensity to obsess over drama-filled “reality” tv shows, particularly those of the California-set variety (I guess those Upper East Siders are too classy to air out their dirt to the whole world via MTV). Tuesday morning, I saw myself shoving half a chocolate mousse cake (not half a slice of cake but HALF A FUCKING CAKE) down my throat while bitching about Spencer Pratt’s teeth. I’ve never been so far away from Hollywood.
Seriously. First, Laguna Beach; now, The Hills.
Can I just say that my heart swells every time I see The Hills’ opening sequence and hear the opening theme (Natasha Bedingfield’s Unwritten, which is my #1 Feel Good song). Especially that bit when it’s ending and the title scene glitters and sparkles on to the screen? This one?
Oh, the giddies.
o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o
Last Sunday, I dragged lover to Linden Suites for my college block’s yearly Christmas party. Technically, because I shifted out of Development Studies my senior year, they’re not my blockmates and they all really secretly hate me and probably a bunch of them made bets amongst each other that I’d end up pregnant or with an STD or stricken with cirrhosis or dead two point three months after leaving the hallways of Miriam College, but Clem begged me to show my fat face. And who am I to turn down an invitation to get hammered on a Sunday (or ANY day, for that matter)?
Unfortunately, I was sick for the most part of last week (upper respiratory tract infection, acute tonsilitis, fever, chills, a cough that wouldn’t quit, a dot that came five days late) and there were no boys to seduce (save for lover and well, he needs no seducing) so I pretty much behaved myself the whole night.
I AM HOLDING A MUG OF COFFEE WHILE LOOKING RETARDED!!!
(STFU ABOUT MY AZN BOOBS. LOVER CALLING ME EXPOSURE QUEEN IS ENOUGH)
Three things I learned that night:
1. Most of my batchmates are in Law school and they’re all losing weight. They suck.
2. One of us got knocked up.
3. My favorite professor gave one of the students from the batch before us syphillis.
o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o
I hate my job and my antibiotics. Still not in a blogging mood.
November 27, 2007 at 3:23 am | Filed under mr wonderful, screen queen
THURSDAY:
Wait, Thursday? Since when was Thursday part of the weekend, you not-a-thinking, you?
Since never, actually.
FRIDAY:
At exactly sometime-around-4:in-the-afternoon, I receive a message from work saying that my leave for the day was approved. I jumped up and down, raised my arms in the air to expose my CHUBBY ARMPITS (as lover described them /wrist), and leaped into lover’s arms. And because he is a waif who needs to be hospitalized whenever I punch him in the face in my sleep, I accidentally broke his back.
I nursed him back to health with my awesome Nurse Helga skills (what, you didn’t know I was a nurse? Dude, don’t you know? All Filipinos are nurses) and off we went to the Ortigas area where I satisfied my God complex by buying (a pirated copy of) Sims 2. And then because lover needed his James Marsden fix, we saw Enchanted.
*insert witty caption here*
SATURDAY:
I install Sims 2. At exactly sometime-around-9:in-the-evening, lover comes to pick me up. I open the door in my underwear, give him a quick peck on the lips, and run back to my laptop.
He manages to force me into getting dressed for this:
Cinemalomo at Cinematheque at Mogwai Cafe at Cubao X. Yeba.
So we can give moral support and throw my panties at this:
BDSL/KF: Official Cinemalomo 2007 entry. Double feature starring underground lomo cinema actress Allah Katipunanstar (RIP 1985-2007). Directed by Drew Passport and Tatit Roa. Taking some silly camera club to the next level. Werd.
Read the little poster text here. Watch the trailer here.
By “adults only” they meant ADULTS ONLY: gratuitous boob scenes, unnecessary nudity, legs spread wide open over an innocent Tanduay bottle, inappropriate name dropping, language not suitable for young audiences and the easily offended pussies. Lover was watching with one hand over his left eye. It’s that bitchin’. Umm, okay.
SUNDAY:
Helga, at exactly sometime-around-5:in-the-afternoon, to self: Mkae. Second day of having Sims 2 in my laptop and I still can’t use the build tool and I’m kinda sick of just creating family after family. This sucks. Maybe I need to buy a mouse? Okay. I go buy mouse at Gateway.
Helga, at exactly sometime-around-7:in-the-evening, to self: Mkae. I have mouse now and a bunch of blank CDs so I can install Sims University and Night Life. I go build the perfect Sims Woo-hoo! pad and seduce Don Lothario away from that Caliente sister.
Helga, at exactly sometime-around-7:in-the-evening, to self: FAWK. THE. WHAT??? I still can’t build houses?! WHAI! These stupid pre-built condo houses are confusing! My Sim can’t have a bathroom that tiny! And these windows are hideous! And the flooring looks like someone emptied their bladder all over it and didn’t bother cleaning up!
Helga, still at exactly sometime-around-7:in-the-evening, to self: Bah. I go kill my KFC 2-piece chicken meal because I Am Frustrated. And lover better get here before I eat his.
Helga, at exactly sometime-around-9:in-the-evening, to self: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LAPTOP WHY IS IT TAKING TEN MINUTES TO REBOOT WHY IS THE SOUND GARBLED WHY WON’T SYSTEM RESTORE WORK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!
Helga, at exactly sometime-around-11:in-the-evening: *hurls laptop at lover*
Lover: *bewildered, yet sexy look* WHAT?!
Helga: *stomps right foot repeatedly* FIX IT!
And my very macho and very manly lover saves the day.
So much for Sims 2. But I will not give up! Three options:
1) Buy a new pirated Sims 2 installer, one without bugs.
2) Buy/borrow a non-pirated Sims 2 installer (anyone???).
3) Buy more RAM for my laptop.
Before anyone asks: I didn’t stay sober over the weekend. I had five rumcolas which translates into 15 shots of La Tondeña. Pretty light for a Saturday night.
November 21, 2007 at 12:35 am | Filed under ditz drivel, screen queen
Last May, the douchebags over at the CW cancelled this:
VERONICA MARS: ONLY THE BESTEST SHOW EVER MADE.
(And yay, no Piz in the picture)
And then they gave us (us? Who?) this:
GOSSIP GIRL: TOTAL PHAIL.
Read the rest of this entry »
July 19, 2007 at 3:30 am | Filed under ditz drivel, screen queen
I admit: I’m a big Laguna Beach fan, so I squealed in delight when I chanced upon DVDs of seasons 1 and 2 last Monday. Being an LB fan totally adds to my ditz factor. And being an LB fan at the glorious age of 22 says volumes about just how sad my life is. I’m going to take up macrame or knitting any day now. And maybe cricket. But no, cricket’s quite cool. Maybe a fake English accent and black cigarette holders ala Audrey Hepburn.
Depsite the fact that I can seriously feel my IQ dropping about 29 points (to the level of, say, a housewife from Small Town, Italy. But smarter) whenever I watch the show, the truth is: I secretly want to be part of the LB power cliques. LC’s, to be specific. I could be her half-Asian accessory, taking the place of token black dude (or dudette) which the show obviously lacks. I mean, don’t tell me there are no black people in that part of the OC. And I checked: out of 23, 727 people, .36% of them are African-American. .08% are Asian. And did you guys know that more than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call? Lucky ducks. And did you know that while Vacancy is lame, Factory Girl is a face-rocking movie?
What a segue! Now I’m no genius when it comes to movie reviews (I’m actually quite the idiot) and I no longer gush over the usage of the rule of thirds or cinematography or angles and perspective shots (the way I did, 17 years ago— proof that I lie about my age and that I’m actually an overly-botoxed Caucasian man with a brown wig in his mid-30s) so I’m not even going to attempt to do one.
That’s all. If you want the DVD, that’s awesome.
Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
