I Have A Name; It’s Helga

September 15, 2006 at 12:47 pm | Filed under bitchin' a ride, the helga manual

Do I like you? No? Then here’s some piece of advice: do NOT have a term of endearment for me.

I am itching to hit kill someone in the face right now (hey, whatever happened to that tagline of mine? “Don’t mess with pretty girls because they will kill you in the face“? I was THAT angsty and arrogant before?). Like seriously, if I run into IT, I will attack with a blunt pair of scissors for maximum pain. And yes, this is what too much of Prison Break’s T-Bird can do.

I don’t even ask for much. Here are three important DO NOTs when it comes to addressing me.

• Do NOT (ever) call me HELGS (whether I like you, or not). It sounds cheap and is ONE fucking syllable away from HEL-GA. Go the extra ‘uh’, yes?
• Do NOT call me “LURVE” or “LURVES“— ESPECIALLY IF I DON’T LIKE YOU because it just fucking gets on my nerves. What the fuck is up with that? Unless you’re English, of course, because that gives you an excuse.
• Do NOT call me “Hell” or “Hel” in an attempt to give my name a nickname. Because really, how shorter can my name get?

Basically, my point is, unless I have given you some sort of a go signal to call me something else, I am Helga, Helgaaa, or Helgrrr to you. Gaby/Gabby if you’re feeling cute. Okay?

THE WEEKEND HAS LANDED! Prison Break season 1 plus Veronica Mars seasons 1 and 2 marathon in the afternoon, and then D in the evening!

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