Archive for the helga manual
November 20, 2009 at 9:21 pm | Filed under lists, the helga manual
Some time ago, I posted a stupid Christmas wishlist. Though I seriously do want a pink typewriter (or any typewriter, for that matter, so long as it clacks noisily, dings loudly and so long as it works), I must say I can do without the others I wrote in there. Now that Christmas is a little over a month away, I thought I’d write down a few things that I would be more than joyful to receive (nevermind that there is only one person out there who would actually bother ♥). This list is devoid of wishful thinking (i.e. a dSLR, a Wii, a new laptop).
1. The gift of Hanson, preferably the Strong Enough to Break DVD and/or Middle of Nowhere Acoustic. I will not like (but will still accept LOL, maybe) pirated copies as I love these boys dearly and feel terrible “stealing” from them.
2. The gift of Hannah Montana. I am serious. I would like stickers, a lunch box, a cardboard cutout etc etc. Anything with Miley/Hannah, better if it’s pink and sparkly.
3. Rosaries. I am not Catholic, I do not pray, the last time I went to mass was at my junior year college retreat, and I never learned how to do the whole rosary thing. But I want rosaries, the none glow-in-the-dark-green kind, and lots of it.
4. A very large world map, larger than the width of my outstretched arms.
5. Animal masks and/or animal head pieces. The lion head piece belongs to a boy named David, he says he got it from Toy Kingdom. When, I do not know. This year, I hope.
6. A book on origami + origami paper and yarn or rope.
7. All the listed recordings of Bewitched, Bothered And Bewildered. I already have Celine Dion’s and Silje Nergaard’s. I do not like Rufus Wainwright’s version =/
8. A drawing of a child holding a colorless balloon while walking his pet crocodile down the street.
9. A beret/beanie/skullie in red or bright blue! Knitted and very cute, of course.
10. A Dr Seuss book. Any would do, better if secondhand/pre-owned with a stranger-child’s scribbles all over. My favorite is Happy Birthday To You! which my dad got for my ninth (I think) birthday. I loved that book to bits, it felt bigger than my little girl self.
11. All the liempo I can eat (and more). I admit, I am kind of starving as I type this and this is merely my hunger speaking. Liempo is always welcome, though.
12. You, you, YOU. Christmas and New Year’s with you.
♥
November 17, 2009 at 4:35 pm | Filed under lists, the helga manual
Katy posted a short list of her pet peeves over at her blog and I thought I’d follow suit (you’ll see me doing this a lot from now on, taking my cue from fellow bloggers re: topics) and post a list of my own. Like Katy, I’ve mellowed down a lot and am no longer the angry, short-tempered person I used to be. That doesn’t mean I don’t get pissed off by things, though!
People who do nothing but bitchbitchbitchbitch! online. Slap me with a pan if I become someone like this. I’m not saying that I don’t rant on my social network profiles or internet accounts because I do, but not constantly. I’m also aware that a lot of people use the internet to air out their offline frustrations but if that’s what you’re using the internet solely for, it gets really old.
When people impose their narrow-minded ideals and values on you. They’re just as bad as homophobes or bible-thumping Christians. Sometimes, they don’t even know it.
People who block the way. Maybe they don’t realize it or maybe they’re just too stupid to be aware that they’re inconveniencing other people so here’s a tip: if it’s an area that gets a lot of foot traffic, move to the side and out of the way if you feel the sudden urge to stop walking. Don’t just come to a halt and decide to text right there because I will intentionally come crashing onto the arm you’re holding your cellphone with.
Trying to be characters from Gossip Girl. It’s just ridiculous, especially in middle-class Philippines.
Ellipses used improperly. I don’t get it… why type your sentences like this… What are you omitting… I once asked someone why he typed like this… He said it was sweet… I… don’t… get… it…
Crazy Philippine weather. It’s November– the weather is supposed to be nippy, yet it feels like summer. The heat doesn’t make it feel like Christmas is less than a month away =(
“Shiznit”, “Biyatch/Biatch”, “Effing/Effin/F*cking” Two issues. First: I’m all for trimming the fat when it comes to words; with the exception of the last, why bother with “shiznit” and “biyatch/biatch” when you can just say “shit” or “bitch”? They’re a syllable and a few letters shorter. Easier to type and say. Second: oh, so you’re not comfortable saying “bad words”? Sorry to break it to ya, but cutesifying a curse word doesn’t make it any less a curse word. Also, how old are you? Two?
What are your pet peeves?
October 29, 2009 at 6:56 pm | Filed under joyful girl, the helga manual
Early this year, I was contacted by a local artist asking for permission to use one of my photos as reference for a painting he was working on for his next exhibit (whew, long, badly-written sentence right there). I can’t say that this sort of thing happens to me on a daily basis and I’m not one to be overly possessive of my face/photos (or in this case, my lips and left hand) so naturally, I said yes.
This was some months ago and I’ve sort of forgotten about it until the artist contacted me a couple of days ago. Apparently, that particular piece was first to sell at his last exhibit and “is now held by a famous art collector”.
Yeah, I’m a little giddy.
The artist’s name is Ronald Caringal and the exhibit was called “First Impression Lusts”. Lifted from his site:
The next show takes on how physical urges create such an impact on one’s character and sense of being. Man’s desire for physical intimacy and sex is sometimes watered down and delegated to mere craving. What is supposed to be a very intimate physical manifestation has become a meaningless act of self-satisfaction. The difference between man and animal is that even though we share the same urges, ours carry meaning. We can crave food but it is a need that has to be sufficed regardless of craving. What separates us is our ability to be humane.
I believe no one has died for not having participated in consummation.
I believe that any action taken without taking into account that it is done unto another human being, any action taken that is not rooted in respect and appreciation is dehumanizing.
The works show women alongside tempting food or presented in equivalence to as a blunt equation of what certain male perspectives amount to. Sex is a pre-packed commodity and market niche nowadays. We have come to use it so blatantly. It is offered so haphazardly. Sometimes men look at women in the same light as they would a delicious looking ice cream sundae. Watering mouth and all. Diminished brain activity. Some women share the same guilt. We may never escape our urges, for they are also much-appreciated privileges, but it is possible that these urges can be reasons to empower ourselves with satisfying deeper human needs.
The works are done in oil on canvas with assemblage.
He turned this:
Into this:
it was the moment she became too hot to blow
Shit’s awesome, I tell ya.
October 26, 2009 at 6:55 pm | Filed under lists, the helga manual
Once upon a time, I dated all the wrong kinds of men. The tired “I was young, naive, incredibly self-important, and a ridiculous contradiction” excuse applies to my taste in men and my approach to relationships (mostly pseudo-relationships) when I was in my teens up until I was 22. Back then, I thought I had standards until years later, while reviewing and poking fun at each other’s respective pasts, the boyfriend pointed out my (very) questionable taste in men. I couldn’t help but agree considering that the dudes I went out with back then are the kind of dudes I wouldn’t so much as look at or exchange a single word with today.
It makes me cringe, but being young, I think I was excusable. I had no idea what I really wanted back then and I settled for whatever boylet whose attention I fancied. Ick. Gratefully, I’m done with dating and though this is late and irrelevant, here is a list of some relationship dealbreakers— standards I wish I had back then.
1) You have a beer belly.
This is probably hypocritical of me since I, myself, have a widdle fratman gut but I’m a girl and a little belly (not exceeding four inches the girth of one’s waist) can be cute. If you’re a dude (especially a skinny one), though, it kinda makes you look like a malnourished African kid. Not sexy.
(Food bellies, I don’t mind. Unlike beer bellies, food bellies don’t stick out like a balloon hiding in your midsection.)
2) You don’t know your way around the internet.
You have one email address and not a single social network account. Not only does that make you non-stalkable (I need to know if your interests are good enough to hold my fascination and if you’re all-angles cute), it also means you won’t understand my need to tweet, plurk, and blog several aspects of my life (which may or may not include you). You’ll also probably freak out when you see all my self-portraits on my Flickr account which you’ll most likely find a little too liberated for your tastes.
3) You use the term “sexually-liberated”.
And use it in conversations with your buddies that you’d expect from a bunch of highschoolers.
4) You’re someone I already dated.
I don’t recycle men. An ex is an ex is an ex, bye.
5) You say “po”.
For the non-Filipinos, “po” is a word used to show respect when talking to elders and/or to someone you respect. Because I wasn’t raised in a traditional Filipino household, it’s not a word I use a lot and is a word I don’t use at all when conversing with my folks. Why you would use it when talking to someone you’re dating is beyond me.
6) You won’t drive me to work.
What do you mean you’re just going to drive me to the main avenue and wait with me while I get a cab because you have somewhere else to be/it’s late/you just don’t feel like making the drive to my office? We’re already in the car, there’s gas, and it’s a fifteen-minute drive away.
7) You wear ill-fitting shirts/shirts that reach your knees.
That’s called a dress.
8) Saliva forms in the corners of your mouth when you talk.
Just…no. Maybe you’re incredibly cute or intelligent and maybe there’s a cure for that but I’m already so turned off that I don’t care enough to Google it for you.
What are your dealbreakers?
September 14, 2009 at 6:42 pm | Filed under the helga manual
(AKA Helga really needs to blog about something, anything)
(AKA For Your Reference, Kind and Generous Folks of the World)
1) A pink typewriter.
This would make such a pretty prop for photos, nevermind that it’s a bit cliche and total audreyhepburncomplex @ tumblr material.
2) Lots of rubbing alcohol.
Because I am a very, very dirty girl.
Pretty-smelling ones, please. I particularly like Cubao X’s washroom’s (which is the same as our office’s) alcohol.
3) A ~*~MacBookPro 4 Helga~*~ fund.
See, I’m not asking anyone for a MacBookPro because that’s just crazy. Instead, I’m asking ALL OF YOU to help me acquire the necessary funds by, well, giving me your money.
C’mon, be a pal.
4) To be famous enough for this:
(Kidding, I’m totally not the famewhore; I’d be happy living a quiet yet fulfilling life away from Twitter and the internets.)
5) Five dollars, a Welsh Corgi named Lord Robert II, a new Hanson album, a lastfm subscription, or a bell tv.
Coming soon: this year’s Christmas Un-Wishlist!
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Hi, I'm Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 25 and in the process of learning how to make adventurous life choices. I dislike old people but I love grandma clothes. My goal in life is to build a ball pit right next to my bed. Currently searching for the perfect house coat. My lover is the greatest. 