A FREE BOOB JOB, YOU WANT?

March 2, 2008 at 6:44 pm | Filed under the internets

I’m starting to think that I’m really seriously considering getting my breasts enlarged. Nevermind that I am currently jobless and without income (that, I’m hoping to change soon. I think I can handle juggling school and work, seeing that I only have classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays) and that spending money (which I don’t have at the moment and probably won’t have EVER) on something as unneeded as a boob job is just plain stupid.

Traipsing around the internets today, I came across this news bit about Karla-Rae Morris, a 26-year old mom who joined MyFreeImplants.com and has so far received $8,000 from strangers to have her boobs enlarged. According to the article, she’ll be going from a 32AA to a 34C. A quick google search revealed that Mrs Morris stands 5 foot 6 inches and weighs 98 pounds. 5′6″ and 98 pounds and about to get FREE implants?! Some women have all the luck.

(Yes, waif-thin is my idea of beauty. I’ve always wanted MK Olsen’s body. With or without the boobage. Nobody judge.)

Mrs Morris says that having 34Cs would make her “really happy” (and I bet the same goes for her husband. I wonder, though: how does he feel about his wife selling herself online?), and I hope I’m not the only one who thinks that the way she’s getting them (A.B.S.O.L.U.T.E.L.Y. F.R.E.E., thanks to her “benefactors” over at MyFreeImplants.com) is actually pretty cool…if only she weren’t a wife and a mother of two.

(OMG, Helga suddenly has something that resembles what we normal folk call ‘morals’??? Doesn’t she post tasteless and classless half-nekkid photos of herself on this blog???)

Seriously, though. She’s a mom. I’d diiiiie if my mom, in her quest to upgrade her 32As (I know, cos I once attempted to borrow one of her bras) for free resorted to uploading racy photos of herself on the internet. I’d also most likely wish bad bad bad things upon my dad if he ever consented to something like that.

Here’s the kicker, though— what Mrs Morris says about the whole thing:

“It’s like donating to any charity. You feel like you’re doing good,” Morris said of her benefactors. “When you’re donating to starving kids in Africa, you’re never going to see those kids eat and you’re never going to meet. Obviously, this is not as important as helping starving kids in Africa, but it’s the same basis. They (the men) want to help us out.”

Are you shaking your head with me here?

Traipsing around the internets today, I also learned a new word! Garrulous!: wordy; talking too much, especially about trivial things. Oh yey, dictionary.com’s Word of the Day.

This post brought to you by Breast Enlargement UK.

Comments (24)

SELLING OUT! GASP!

February 26, 2008 at 3:23 am | Filed under the internets

A couple of months ago, I ended my one year and eight month stint as a phone monkey to say hello to a life of freedom, rock and roll, late nights NOT working and NOT stressing over someone else’s problems, and general bad ass-ery. Of course, saying good-bye to my job and my only source of income meant I’d be saying hello to a life of (temporary) destitution.

And that, my friends, is the life I’m living now.

For the longest time, I’ve successfully ignored signing up for blog ads or services such as PayPerPost, Smorty, and a bunch of other sponsored posts sites out there. It’s not that I had anything against selling my blog entries to advertising; I even tried monetizing my blog before by placing Google Adsense in the most obscure part of my sidebar (the very bottom, in colors that matched my layout. Took them out for the meantime because I couldn’t figure out where to position them in this layout. HUH). It’s just that I never felt the need for them. Until now. And from what I’ve been hearing, it pays well. Really well.

PayPerPost asks: What are you going to do with all the money you earn!?!?!?! Yes, that much exclamation points and question marks. Tough question. I plan on earning thousands of dollars and I can’t decide whether or not to blow it on golden doorknobs for all the doors in our house or a boob job.

I vote boob job.

Comments (15)

THE PERRY BIBLE FELLOWSHIP.

October 20, 2007 at 5:13 am | Filed under the internets

http://pbfcomics.com, for awesome LOLOLOLOLs.

Thanks, Lili.

It’s the weekend!!!

Comments (13)

(A LATE) FRIDAY FIVE v: WHY FACEBOOK IS MADE OF WIN.

October 13, 2007 at 1:44 am | Filed under lists, the internets

One of the things that motivate me The only thing that motivates me to go to work nowadays is the one-peso vendo-machine coffee high-speed internet (and spanking brand new HP L1940T flatscreen monitors and HP Compaq, uh, processors) that our office provides us with. Of course, if you’re a good employee (like me), you know that this ultra-awesome connection should only be utilized for browsing and accessing work-related and business-related websites.

Unfortunately, because the world is corrupt and evil and is powered by a master pimp named xxxSataNxxx, us good employees eventually stray from the virtuous path of making use of magazines and books to keep ourselves partially sane during the nine hours that we are chained to our desks and phones by a headset. Of course, there exists the alternative of engaging in mindless chatter and banter with our co-workers, but I would honestly rather stab herself in the head with a spoon than carry a conversation with people who pepper their sentences with the words ‘Churvax’ and ‘Churfur’.

(Truth is, they all ignore me now because last I attempted to socialize with them, I called this girl named Rudelyn a cockface and they kinda didn’t like that.)

So I strayed. It was hard at first, not because I have a conscience but because our IT department’s head technician is Chuck Norris. Gais, meet Chuck Norris (and no, I can’t promise he won’t kill you):

…

…

Are you ready?
Read the rest of the entry »

Comments (16)

MOM. FACEBOOK, FTW!

October 3, 2007 at 10:57 pm | Filed under the internets

“You don’t get me, babe. YOUR MOM KNOWS HOW TO GOOGLE YOUR ASS. Your blog is all about alcohol and sex. Lol.”

Comforting words from the mancandy up there, when I frantically texted this morning to tell him that my mom has discovered the wonderful world wide web. Here is a woman who— a few months ago— used to ask me to log in to her gmail account, read out loud e-mails from her sisters, and then act as her secretary as she dictated to me her replies. Here is a woman who— this morning— was having trouble figuring out the AC’s remote control. And now she has a Friendster account! Yes! I set it up for her this morning. And for the record, I did it while she held a gun to my head.

Other comforting reactions by fellow bloggers when I broadcasted my predicament over Twitter:

Ade: Well, imagine how I felt when I found out that five of my aunts read my blog.
Steel: While you’re at it, why not invite your mom on twitter? Or set her up a blog! Lolz blogging whattaghei!
Ade: Dun forget warbook!

I have a feeling my dad’s behind all this. I imagine their conversations during the drive home to be like this:

Just so you guys know, she was curious about Twitter and Facebook, too.

There’s this glimmer of hope that my mom didn’t actually “google” my name. I think she merely Yahoo-ed it: she mentioned that when she searched for my name, the first thing that came up was “Helga, Philippines, Miriam College. How do I open that?”, which definitely sounded like a snippet of my Friendster account.

(She didn’t react well to my Friendster primary photo— me, holding a bottle of Tanduay. Imagine how’d she react if she found my blog. QUE HORROR!)

Anyhoots, I’m hooked on Facebook. Save for today, the first thing I do when I go on-line now is check my Facebook account, check my Warbook kingdom, and then ask people to assrape the asshats who assraped me while I was offline. I am a silly Level 7 Magician (talk about total gaynage; I should’ve chosen to be a Visionary) with a weak army and a puny kingdom. But I shall be a barbarian and a tyrant! One day! 0ne day!

KK, back to Warbook. And if you’re on FB and haven’t added me yet: add me! And send me those cute Eyesores, please.

Comments (24)