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On Gossip Girl 17: Woman on the Verge

Now I know that I am some days late; I hail from the wonderful wonderful Third World. Thank god for torrents. Moving on.

First, I am absolutely pleased at the obvious absence of little J in this episode. I have never liked her character and episode 16— All About My Brother— was by far the sweetest episode, in terms of girly evil and pwnage (Team Blair!).

Come to think of it: I dislike all Humphries, Rufus being the most tolerable of all three. In episode 17, Lonely Boy Dan (aka New York’s finest judgmental prick) makes a good job of showing just how stupid he is. Look at it this way: Vanessa, who is only Dan’s best friend, warns him about Sarah/Georgina. If there were any more to Dan than academic smarts, he’d have, I don’t know, listened to Vanessa and been wary of G, right? Wrong.

What Doofus Dan does is to completely soak up G’s sob story about some crazy ex of hers and how she’s been falling for him ever since the day they met. Awww. He then invites G to go find “a quiet place” where they “can talk”. It is not surprising that G kisses Dan, AND BECAUSE HE IS A STUPID STUPID BOY, I wasn’t surprised at all when he initiated the second kiss. And he was sober, too! A broken heart is not an excuse, Lonely Boy. He totally deserves to be duped by the psychotic Georgina Sparks.

I found Serena extremely taxing this episode, and all I could think about is how much I wanted to bonk her in the head with something very very painful. I gathered from the last episode that the sex tape slash murder that she was involved in couldn’t be that bad. It wasn’t, and she confronts the dead dude’s parents off screen. In the Upper East Side, explaining things to the boy you love trumps murder and all that jazz, kids. I’ve seen the trailer for the season finale (Much I Do About Nothing) and I’m happy that Serena has finally found the guts to speak to Georgina in a non-soppy, non-sissy manner (Doofus Dan actually had to restrain her!).

After several episodes, we finally get to see Blair, Chuck, Nate, and Serena together again. I shit you not when I say that my heart swelled when all four of them were in the Waldorf penthouse. Blair shows just what an awesome and dependable friend she is; she’s finally gotten over herself. I love love love! that part where they were all trying to convince S to tell them what was happening by giving examples of how none of them are saints.

Blair: With vomit hair, making out with investment bankers in the men’s room at PJ Clark’s…you don’t have to hide anything from us.
Nate: Blah blah blah, look at how pretty I am, but I do bad things, too.
Blair: *points to Chuck* Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck: Several times.
Nate: I had sex with you at a wedding, while I was her date. *looks at Chuck* Once.
Blair: *gives Chuck this look of pure cuteness*

Blair Waldorf

Chuck: I’m Chuck Bass.

And then there was this part:

Blair Waldorf

Chuck Bass: What’s gotten into you?

BLUCK/CHAIR, yes??? ♥♥♥

What I didn’t like about the episode: Rufus and Lily…kissing!

Overall, it was a good episode and I can’t wait for the season finale where I am hoping that, in the name of all things good, holy, and sacred, Blair will unleash all her evil on Georgina. As lover said re: Blair, after seeing GG16: can’t fuck with the heavy guns.

And look! Blake Lively/Serena has huge tits!

Blake Lively tits

Coming Clean

I admit: I’m a big Laguna Beach fan, so I squealed in delight when I chanced upon DVDs of seasons 1 and 2 last Monday. Being an LB fan totally adds to my ditz factor. And being an LB fan at the glorious age of 22 says volumes about just how sad my life is. I’m going to take up macrame or knitting any day now. And maybe cricket. But no, cricket’s quite cool. Maybe a fake English accent and black cigarette holders ala Audrey Hepburn.

Depsite the fact that I can seriously feel my IQ dropping about 29 points (to the level of, say, a housewife from Small Town, Italy. But smarter) whenever I watch the show, the truth is: I secretly want to be part of the LB power cliques. LC’s, to be specific. I could be her half-Asian accessory, taking the place of token black dude (or dudette) which the show obviously lacks. I mean, don’t tell me there are no black people in that part of the OC. And I checked: out of 23, 727 people, .36% of them are African-American. .08% are Asian. And did you guys know that more than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call? Lucky ducks. And did you know that while Vacancy is lame, Factory Girl is a face-rocking movie?

What a segue! Now I’m no genius when it comes to movie reviews (I’m actually quite the idiot) and I no longer gush over the usage of the rule of thirds or cinematography or angles and perspective shots (the way I did, 17 years ago— proof that I lie about my age and that I’m actually an overly-botoxed Caucasian man with a brown wig in his mid-30s) so I’m not even going to attempt to do one.

That’s all. If you want the DVD, that’s awesome. Awesome, not like a blackhead.

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