OUR IMAGINARY DAUGHTER(S).

May 24, 2008 at 3:07 pm | Filed under mr wonderful, the helga manual

Lover, on my last entry and how a bunch of you commented on how hot my dad is/was: one day, i would just like half the compliments from our daughter’s friends that your dad gets. Sheesh.

Judging by how hot my boyfriend is and how well he’s aged, I told him he’s likely to receive such comments. I doubt, though, that I’d take nicely to our daughter’s friends calling him a DILF (because I am possessive like that). This is, of course, assuming that our daughter would be a blogger at age 12 (god knows what she has to blog about, though, at that age) and I’d be the cool mom who reads her blog but isn’t cool enough to approve of 12-year olds knowing what DILF stands for.

Several times in the past, lover and I have talked about what our daughters would be like, going as far as mapping out their lives. We’d have two: one would be named Asia (after a certain feature of mine) and the other would be named Tonette (a name I do not approve of and she will, therefore, lead a very tragic life).

Our sample babies (Tonette is obviously the ugly one):

Asia will grow up to be an exotic dancer while Tonette will most likely end up living the high life (in dark alleyways, no less). Both will have— to quote their father— “nice lips, gorgeous eyes, nice eyebrows, and eating disorders” and will be “asking for non-fat milk” because “their mother will be singing lullabies about staying thin.” Playtime would consist of me teaching them to hop, meow, and quack.

(I hope none of you are taking this seriously.)

I always joke about how I’d probably end up married (or not even) with 3 kids all belonging to different fathers, but really, that’s just a defense mechanism of mine because most of the time, I fear that I’m going to end up like one of my mom’s sisters— she’s single, in her late 30s, and childless. That‘s a scary thought, especially for someone who sees motherhood (and the things that come with it in a perfect, domesticated world: a pet dog, a newspaper subscription, making breakfast for your family, apples in brown paper bags, ironing your husband’s work shirts, long afternoon’s doing the laundry, weekend tennis games etc etc) as normalcy. A scarier thought, though, is knowing that I could end up just like that and I’d be okay with it. It makes me wonder how I have come to want such a life. *insert HUHLOLZ here*

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that when lover and I have actual non-catbunny/bunnycat daughters, we’d make sure to either keep them out of, or in drug rehab.

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23 FOR 23, PARTS 6-16.

May 23, 2008 at 7:57 am | Filed under 23 for 23, photos

Seeing that it is the 23rd of May and to prove to myself that I do not completely fail when it comes to certain things (like blogging everyday!!!), I thought today would be a good time to return to 23 for 23.

To make up for the ten skipped parts, I originally thought of posting ten pictures from the last ten years, starting from 1998 when I was 13 (that was obviously me proving to you that I know math). It seemed like a brilliant idea until I attacked our family photo albums and realized that the pictures weren’t organized by year.

My brilliant idea was an immediate fail.

So I thought: oh what the heck, I’ll post pictures anyway (besides, why would I want to post pictures of my awkward phase which is basically me, aged 6-16?). Starting with a picture from my 1st birthday party! At McDonald’s! Followed by a picture of me blowing out my birthday candle at 4!

THAT THING ON MY NOSE…I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS.

1. A very young me, evidenced by the fact that I am wearing a silly head thing for very young babies.
2. It looks like I’m peeing, but I am not.
3. Helga, age shorter-than-a-doorknob.
4. Me with a childhood toy I absolutely do not remember having.

1. Still with the same childhood toy. It surprises me how tiny I was.
2. This was a Christmas gift from someone. I remember breaking that thing in half while playing with it.
3. I think I also broke my brother’s Batman toy.
4. Me and my daddy!

1. At Manila Zoo. I have a bunch of pictures smiling like that.
2. You don’t see it, but I was sitting on a bilao.
3. My brother and I being total 80s kids (I was wearing lavender leggings, his sleeves were rolled up).
4. A prediction of things to come.

1. AWKWARD!
2. AWKWARD!
3. AWKWARD!
4. MOST AWKWARD!!!

I was a cute kid, if I may say so myself. Just ignore the last set.

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23 for 23 is me posting one birthday-related entry a day (or at least attempts to) for the next 23 days. See all posts here.

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OH HAI, CUPCAKE!

May 20, 2008 at 2:26 am | Filed under admin, art & design

Another new theme, something I’m hoping to stick to for a couple of months. Not totally done yet, as I have to edit the CSS for my comments and then I validate my coding. *cries*

Thoughts?

PS: This layout will most likely look like shit on IE. I tested my localhost version on IE and the Twitter and MyBlogLog scripts don’t seem to work. Bah.

PPS: I made the cupcake; it’s my birthday cupcake with a cherry instead of a candle. Heehee.

Edit – Code validated. I really should aim for xHTML 1.0 Strict.

Cupcakes and diet pills!

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I NEED A DIET PLAN, AND PERHAPS SOME DISCIPLINE.

May 18, 2008 at 9:44 am | Filed under personal, the helga manual

I’ve been in a bit of a funky mood lately and as much as I’d like to blame it on the dreary weather, I’d rather say it’s the lack of nicotine and human contact that’s got me feeling all Lindsay Lohan-ish after Wilmer dumped her. It doesn’t help that not smoking has got me orally-fixating; coupled with PMS cravings, it would be apt to say that my body is in biiiiiig twouble! I mean, look at my latest picture, taken two minutes ago:

=(

So I’ve decided it’s about time I do something and de-jelly my very rotund belly. The old me would’ve ran to the nearest drugstore or supermarket to stock up on laxatives, slimming tea, diet pills, and green tea (or if I was feeling lazy, run to my dealer for a few grams of somethin’-somethin’ in exchange of a blowjob), as the old me is all about quick fixes (and cheap thrills, like, smacking kids hard in the head). But no, the new me is past all that. The new me will strive hard to drop the pounds the healthy and legal way.

Or maybe I could just starve myself and hope to drop 5-10 pounds in water weight in two days. It’s tempting, really.

Today is Day 1 of my diet. I am happy to report that my dad has eaten all of my chocolate cupcakes, so that’s one less temptation. My plan is to eat healthy and perhaps, some exercise. I could take walks around our village but I get self-conscious when I’m on my own and my dad’s epic jogs are a bit too much for me to handle. So this has to make do:

Fitness magazine tips!

Wish me luck, please.

___
23 for 23 is turning out to be an epic fail. It’ll be back and I’ll make up for the skipped parts.

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ON GOSSIP GIRL EPISODE 17: WOMAN ON THE VERGE.

May 15, 2008 at 12:41 am | Filed under tv, movies, books, music etc

Now I know that I am some days late; I hail from the wonderful wonderful Third World. Thank god for torrents. Moving on.

First, I am absolutely pleased at the obvious absence of little J in this episode. I have never liked her character and episode 16— All About My Brother— was by far the sweetest episode, in terms of girly evil and pwnage (Team Blair!).

Come to think of it: I dislike all Humphries, Rufus being the most tolerable of all three. In episode 17, Lonely Boy Dan (aka New York’s finest judgmental prick) makes a good job of showing just how stupid he is. Look at it this way: Vanessa, who is only Dan’s best friend, warns him about Sarah/Georgina. If there were any more to Dan than academic smarts, he’d have, I don’t know, listened to Vanessa and been wary of G, right? Wrong.

What Doofus Dan does is to completely soak up G’s sob story about some crazy ex of hers and how she’s been falling for him ever since the day they met. Awww. He then invites G to go find “a quiet place” where they “can talk”. It is not surprising that G kisses Dan, AND BECAUSE HE IS A STUPID STUPID BOY, I wasn’t surprised at all when he initiated the second kiss. And he was sober, too! A broken heart is not an excuse, Lonely Boy. He totally deserves to be duped by the psychotic Georgina Sparks.

I found Serena extremely taxing this episode, and all I could think about is how much I wanted to bonk her in the head with something very very painful. I gathered from the last episode that the sex tape slash murder that she was involved in couldn’t be that bad. It wasn’t, and she confronts the dead dude’s parents off screen. In the Upper East Side, explaining things to the boy you love trumps murder and all that jazz, kids. I’ve seen the trailer for the season finale (Much I Do About Nothing) and I’m happy that Serena has finally found the guts to speak to Georgina in a non-soppy, non-sissy manner (Doofus Dan actually had to restrain her!).

After several episodes, we finally get to see Blair, Chuck, Nate, and Serena together again. I shit you not when I say that my heart swelled when all four of them were in the Waldorf penthouse. Blair shows just what an awesome and dependable friend she is; she’s finally gotten over herself. I love love love! that part where they were all trying to convince S to tell them what was happening by giving examples of how none of them are saints.

Blair: With vomit hair, making out with investment bankers in the men’s room at PJ Clark’s…you don’t have to hide anything from us.
Nate: Blah blah blah, look at how pretty I am, but I do bad things, too.
Blair: *points to Chuck* Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck: Several times.
Nate: I had sex with you at a wedding, while I was her date. *looks at Chuck* Once.
Blair: *gives Chuck this look of pure cuteness*

Chuck: I’m Chuck Bass.

And then there was this part:

: What’s gotten into you?

BLUCK/CHAIR, yes??? ♥♥♥

What I didn’t like about the episode: Rufus and Lily…kissing!

Overall, it was a good episode and I can’t wait for the season finale where I am hoping that, in the name of all things good, holy, and sacred, Blair will unleash all her evil on Georgina. As lover said re: Blair, after seeing GG16: can’t fuck with the heavy guns.

And look! Blake Lively/Serena has huge tits!

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