June 17, 2008 at 4:19 pm | Filed under lists
Friday night at our neighborhood watering hole, I was able to witness a Miriam College Lesbian Chick Fight (of course, I could be wrong about them being from Miriam College, especially since I can’t argue “I know my kind” because a) I am not a lesbian, b) I refuse to associate myself with them and c) I wasn’t your typical MC chick. But yeah, I know a Miriam College lesbian when I see one). A drunken group of girls sitting on the sidewalk (a few meters away from the garbage pile), two of them bitching at each other while the rest sat around and not cared. The butch in the relationship starts cursing at the femme and the femme curses back. Femme stands up, butch pushes her back, and femme— in her tube dress glory— falls ungracefully on the concrete, her legs up in the air. The fight doesn’t end there, but we don’t stick around to watch for more.
I recount the incident to some friends and throw in a couple more stories about how feral lesbian relationships’ fights can get. One of them says that perhaps it’s the lack of sex between girl-girl couples that make them so volatile and violent. I agree.
But really, for the following chicks ladies, I’d willingly give up…well, a few things (trying to keep it PG, trying to avoid the C-word).
KRISTEN BELL (Veronica Mars, Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
MILEY CYRUS (Hannah Montana)
(Nevermind that I’ve never seen an episode of Hannah Montana, I adore Little Miss Skank City. At first, I couldn’t decide whether or not to like her camwhoring ass until I saw her guest and sing on Oprah and that’s when I decided: I like her camwhoring ass.
Also, I felt really really dirty looking at pictures of Miley.)
KIM KARDASHIAN (her sex tape with Ray J, Keeping Up With The Kardashians)
(Again, nevermind that she’s shallow and #2 on the New York Times’ dumbest list and maybe her ass is two seconds away from being obese. Kim K is hot stuff.)
HAYDEN PANETTIERE (Bring It On: All Or Nothing, Heroes)
(She makes out with girls! Or used to, same difference.)
MILA KUNIS (That 70s Show)
LEIGHTON MEESTER (Gossip Girl)
Plz ignore: SD card
June 15, 2008 at 6:14 pm | Filed under the internets
Two things that have been eating up my e-life lately:
1. Plurk
Plurk is a crazy version of Twitter. It’s a bit confusing at first but once you get the hang of it, you’ll find yourself using it more than you do Twitter (whose Fail Whale is getting a bit exasperating). The more you plurk and the more you respond to other people’s plurks (there’s a threading feature, so it’s like one big chatroom/message board in there), the more karm you get. As your karma goes up, you get more emoticons and more abilities (you can change your timeline name and your username). I really suck at explaining things, so come join the fun here (yes, that’s my referral link, plz use).
2. Popmundo
Popmundo is an online roleplaying game and community where the players strive for fame in a virtual music industry. The game is played in real time and the game keeps on going even when you’re not logged on.
Popmundo is not a traditional video game with animated graphics and sound. It’s more of a imaginative management game and playful community where you log on a couple of times a week to work on your career.
You never play against the computer. All characters you encounter in the game are played by real people across the globe.
Ever since I uninstalled Sims 2 from my laptop (I need more RAM!), I’ve been looking for a game to satisfy my God complex. Popmundo isn’t exactly like that and it’s not really as fun, but it keeps me entertained. Since the game is in real time, it’s a bit slow and fame isn’t instant (I entered the game 23 days ago and my character Ayanna Wishart is a bottom-dwelling nobody from New York City)— it actually requires “hard work”.
Also, I want a viewsonic monitor.
June 15, 2008 at 3:07 pm | Filed under memes and such, the helga manual
J tagged me to do this meme and I’m supposed to tag six other people to do the meme, but I can only think of tagging one person: Penny.
1. What was I doing 10 years ago?
At thirteen, I was a competitive swimmer and part of the Royal Dolphins. After school, my dad, my brother, and I would travel two hours to San Pablo, Laguna to train for two to three hours. Weekends were spent training at Baker Hall inside the UPLB campus or, if the pool was closed for the weekend, at the Makiling Botanical Gardens or Pook (the only Olympic-sized swimming pool in Los Banos) pools.
I also made my first static webpage on the now-defunct gURLpages, spent a lot of time on kiwibox.com and posting at the Hansonline forums (Hanson’s official site before they changed it to hanson.net).
2. What are 5 things on my to-do list today?
Nothing! It’s a lazy Sunday at Drew’s, but I guess: take out the trash, buy cigs, maybe go to the Toycon at Megamall, go through my blogroll, and maybe meet up with some friends tonight. Except for the first two, nothing’s final.
3. Snacks I enjoy:
Oishi’s wasabi-flavored potato chips, chocolate cupcakes, cheese, leche flan, cake, and diet pills (heh).
4. Places I’ve lived:
Paco, Manila (where I was born); La Union; Los Banos, Laguna; Katipunan Avenue/Loyola Heights, Quezon City; Antipolo, Rizal.
5. Things I’d do if I were a billionaire:
I can’t even imagine having that much money, but I’ll go ahead and be cute here: travel, live wastefully for a year, give the money to my folks to manage.
6. People I want to know more about:
Artsy-fartsy people. Actually, no. No one specific, really.
June 13, 2008 at 3:01 am | Filed under the helga manual
Helga from over two years ago:
I don’t want to go back to college I want to audition for Pinoy Big Brother and keep working at eTelecare instead. My new goal in life is to be absolutely and horribly jaded by the time I hit the age of 24. I also plan to be kinda-unbelievably rich by that time so I can quit my job and start hunting for that ambassador who will make an ambassadress out of me.
And then I live happily ever after until the age of 35. Or until my first socio-political (and very much public) scandal.
Written in May 2006, a couple of weeks shy of turning 21. Back then, I—
1. was listening to Brazilectro to accompany me during those hot summer nights
2. had a short-lived interest in female serial killers
3. was young and thirsty for life, or perhaps just the next quick fix or cheap thrill or what-have-you
4. had a fairly decent disposable income that mostly went to overpriced Starbucks coffee, cigarettes, and cab fare
5. dreamed of getting it right, though I was stuck in between that and being a mess
I’m turning 24 next year and I am obviously in need of brand new lifetime goals, if only to give myself something to look back on when I’m 26-going-on-27. I’d say 23 is an apt age to ask myself, in big bold letters: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO, HELGA, WHAT?
To be quite honest, it’s a bit hard to answer when you have no clue what it is you like or love— anymore. I like sex. I like cats. I don’t know where exactly those two combined would lead to, but I sure hope it doesn’t include me being naked with animals and a video camera. But hey, if that’d make me big in Japan (or India), then why not.
But seriously, if I could have things my way, I’d own a pretentious little sidewalk cafe playing folksy/angry chick music all day (like…Ani DiFranco, Jill Cunniff, Emiliana Torrini, Karin Brennan, Rachael Yamagata, Fiona Apple…you get the idea) that caters to pretentious cafe poets and philosophers and musicians and the likes. They’d all want to speak to whoever owned the place because “my god, this place is so charming and so different and so special!” but they’ll never have the chance because I’ll be at the Starbucks downtown, sitting on a smoking table in my power dress and my Barbie-pink puta pumps and typing, nay, designing away on my snazzy laptop. I’ll have some fashionable or girly caffeinated drink and a pack of Marlboro Reds by my side. It’s the same thing come evening, except the caffeine has been replaced by alcohol. The drug habit is optional. Same goes for health insurance.
And back home in my three-bedroom condo in a nice part of town— because I didn’t feel like accessorizing that night— is the man I love. Husband, boyfriend, the interstitial guy— it doesn’t matter. He’s older than I am, way older, and is probably watching TV (the news) or reading a book (some intelligent book) in bed, waiting for me. I come home at 1am, barefoot and clutching my Barbie-pink puta pumps. I brush my teeth, wash my face, and crawl into bed with him. There’s good coffee and a pack of cigarettes waiting for me in the morning. My life is complete.
Funny how I have the constant need to re-affirm myself. This time, I will live beyond the age of 35.
June 12, 2008 at 4:43 pm | Filed under ditz drivel
It’s really stupid how much I don’t take care of my laptop. I’ve had my “trusty” Sony VAIO VGN-FS920 for almost two years now (which is sending me into a state of near-panic, as I heard that VAIOs tend to conk out once they hit the two-year mark; in my Veronica Mars’s case— yes, my laptop has a name— that would be October this year) but you’d think I’ve had it since my college Thesis days judging by how battered and grubby she/it is. She’s always dirty (I once cleaned her and my right index finger ended up sore from all the scrubbing), she has scratches all over, and she has stains. Ridiculous, I know.
Lately, I’ve been getting Multi-colored Screens of Death, too (witness my Violet Screen of Death video here), which I am hoping is caused by (almost) overheating (of course, nothing a reboot can’t solve. Ah, Windows) because I sadly lack a lot of “necessary” computer accessories, like a laptop cooler.
I was browsing http://www.xoxide.com today for one (I saw this and it’s not very…pretty) and look what I found!:
A USB POLE DANCER!
Whoa wow wee…a pole dancer for your PC! It make super sexy time all the time at the simple push of a button!
The USB Pole Dancer connects to your computer and receives its power through any open USB port. You can run the Pole Dancer in demo mode for instant gratification, or connect its standard audio jack to your soundcard, MP3 player, etc. and it will dance and flash its stage lights in synch with the music of your choice!
With the USB Pole Dancer you will never have to enter a dirty, seedy little “gentlemen’s club” again. You can save your singles, avoid hepatitis, and enjoy quality adult entertainment in the comfort of your own home or office!
OMG, I LOVE THAT, PLEASE SEND!
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Hi, my name's Helga Weber and welcome to my personal site. I'm 23. My first socio-political scandal will happen at the age of 35 and will include men, sushi, an African country, and lots of money. My lover is the greatest. 
