LET’S FUCK UP OUR HIRING PROCESS!

October 22, 2006 at 9:10 pm | Filed under a waste of human capital, bitchin' a ride

Here’s a story.

A girl, let’s call her Helga, decided some weeks ago to leave the company in which she is currently employed at, in search of a better bigger paycheck. Her friend, let’s call him Drew, referred her and anoher friend (let’s call her Allah) to the company he works for. Let’s call this company Company S.U.WTF. (S for suxxorz, U for Unprofessional, and WTF for Whiskey Tango Foxtrot).

Now Company S.U.WTF. first called Allah, and to make a sad story short, she was not hired.

Company S.U.WTF. called in Helga for an initial interview with Recruiting, and was set up with a FINAL interview with one of the department heads. And then Company S.U.WTF. called up Helga while she was at the beach last weekend, scheduling ANOTHER FINAL interview with the same dude who interviewed her.

She shows up at Company S.U.WTF., was met by a confused man: Didn’t I interview you already?

Helga: Yes, but S—y called me up last Monday and set me up with a final interview?

Helga was told to sit in some teeny-weeny office (a cubicle, more like it) and waited for a lifetime (okay, so it was about 10 minutes, but when you’re doing nothing— just staring at photos and certificates, it does seem like a fucking lifetime. I was half expecting for my grandkids to call me up for a visit), and then was told he (Department Head Man) would see her in 10-15 minutes, and she could go down for a smoke if she wanted to. She does. She comes back, runs into Department Head Man as she steps out of the elevator.

Department Head Man apologizes, says the HR department will be contacting her to finalize her employment.

Helga: So I’m hired?

DHM: Yes.

So Helga was hired right outside the elevator lobby. Whoop-de-do! She goes home, and at 8am, the HR department of Company S.U.WTF. calls her up to schedule a 2pm contract signing.

Helga goes back to Company S.U.WTF., signs the contract, drafts her resignation letter, and celebrates by watching House on DVD while eating cracker crumbs and pancit canton. She would start working for Company S.U.WTF. on November 20.

Saturday night, she wakes up, checks her phone for messages and finds that someone with a Sun Cellular number texted her. So management decided to cancel hiring for the November 20 date and would resume hiring NEXT year, January. NEVERFUCKINGMIND that contracts have been signed, resignations announced, resignations drafted, moms and bosses and co-workers informed— Helga was fired even before she has started her training for Company S.U.WTF. Oh, and they’d call her next year.

Helga’s mom is asking for her copy of the contract, so Helga and Helga’s mom could consult a lawyer.

This song is so cool.

Comments (18)

ANTI-EMO, PRO-SELF-DESTRUCTION CAMPAIGN.

October 21, 2006 at 9:44 am | Filed under a waste of human capital, ditz drivel, the single girl phenomenon

#1: Graduate from Wanarexia Idiosa and get into the real thing: Anorexia Nervosa. Listen to The Carpenters and scout for So Little Time episodes for thinspiration.

<3

#2: Fine. Food isn't that easy to give up. So. Be a functioning bulimic.

<3

#3: He hates it when you drop Vis (yes, this is about a boy, it is always about a boy, everything is about a boy), but you just love those li’l blue pills. So drop ‘em, mix ‘em (with your drink, ne?), or snort ‘em. JUST DON’T PROFESS YOUR UNDYING LOVE FOR HIM WHEN YOUR HEAD’S UP IN THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ CLOUDS AND YOU’RE CRASHING INTO FURNITURE AND SHARP OBJECTS, BECAUSE THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES YOU THE LOSER. Deleting all contacts from your mobile phone helps. A lot.

<3

#4: He also hates it when you get drunk (because you do, and I quote, a lot of "stupid stupid things"). And of course, you're always practically drunk and on your favorite drink, which he naturally hates because like I said, he hates it when you're drunk.

What the hell, right? Even teddy bears love that stuff!

<3<3<3

Okay, folks, I'm off to take my last cigarette break (oh oh, I've figured out a way to sneak my mobile in and out of the floor: tuck it into my bra, in between my boobs :woohoo: ). 11.30am seems so far away, I can't wait to knock on Tanduay Rum Barbie's room so we can start drinking.

Comments (1)

GALERAWR: AN ABRIDGED VERSION.

October 20, 2006 at 9:07 am | Filed under joyful girl, technicolor lover

A lost camera. Passing out. Waking up NOT in our hotel room, wearing someone else’s board shorts. Passing out. Subzero and Mindoro Sling shots with Valium. Passing out on the beach. Haggling over the price of anklets. Getting matching heart anklets for the best friend and I <3. Making out with a girl in front of her boyfriend. D asking what the hell are you on, what the hell are you taking? Kissing a Hot Tattooed Boy to prove to him wrong: I am not a snob, I am actually quite the hospitable one, now come-over-here-and-give-me-a-kiss-or-two. Kicking boys out of the room. Getting stoned. Getting acquainted with the locals. Buying a bottle of cheap gin and cigarettes with the last of our money. Getting drunk on cheap gin chased with water under the scorching sun. Picking up a hot American boy from Arizona. Trying to skimboard drunk. Dragging hot American boy back to our room. Missing our boat back to Batangas. Charming the boat owner into refunding our tickets. Getting the locals to buy us cigarettes. Getting the locals to buy us water. Playing “guess what song I’m listening to?” with the best friend to pass the time.

It started on a Sunday and ended on a Tuesday. Galerawr with the best friend: best fuckin’ vacation ever.

My boss to me: It’s official. You’re memorable :)

My direct supervisor to me: Alamat ka, Helga, alamat! (You’re a legend, Helga, a legend!)

My direct supervisor, on Aa and I: You two are like two preys walking on the beach, waiting for the predators to start pouncing on you.

RAWR! :spin:

Edit// This is how I feel right now, as of 7.45pm:

Indecent. Crackwhore-ish. Tired. Fiona Apple-ish. Mary-Kate Olsen-ish.

Comments (3)

UNFABULOUSNESS

October 14, 2006 at 9:01 pm | Filed under camwhorage, joyful girl

Look, I have photos :shocked:

First five photos taken during the Milenyo Fifth-Floor Party.

Look at how cute Anna is :D

Do NOT mind the guy with the peace signs.

Anna: OMG, what did we ever do to deserve this???

How very unfabulous :hmph:

I don’t know why this photo’s size is different from the rest. But ANYWHORES, I wasn’t drunk yet. I was just resting my legs.

:blank::blank::blank:

And OMG, it’s been ages since: Meatshop photos!

Biceps, biceps, hide your fat biceps.

Duck lips and Mother Nature.

Anna has the same smile in ALL the photos.

I was seriously drunk by the time this shot was taken.

I have the most bullshit internet connection right now. 

So I really should get some sleep, since I have to be up before six am tomorrow. I need to pack, get my laundry when the washers open at six am, and then be at the bus station to meet with the best friend and the co-worker. Galera weekend, baby. I don’t care if I’m obese. I’ve been eating the whole day (who the hell can resist flaming chicken wings???), and with the way the weather’s going, I’m pretty sure we’re gonna end up in parkas while glugging down rum and dropping Vis. Sounds like a weekend!

Comments (7)

WANAREXIA IDIOSA.

October 12, 2006 at 10:27 am | Filed under a waste of human capital, bitchin' a ride, ditz drivel

I would give anything for barbecued chicken and liempo right now. ANYTHING. Throw in a crackwhore’s body to replace my obese one, and I’d give EVERYTHING.

All I’ve been eating since yesterday are KFC salads and the occasional hot/funshot— can’t really go all out on a box. Carbs :hmph:. And MSG-ridden instant noodles (carbs, haha!).

I’m going all wanarexic again because the best friend and I are running away to Puerto Galera this Sunday until Tuesday (which I’ve filed a leave from work for). I’m quite in a situation, actually, but whatever. I don’t want to think about Branders right now. Because there’s a chance they might hire me and ask me to start this coming Monday. The interview yesterday went fairly well, and I have another one tomorrow. I haven’t even resigned yet!

So yeah. I look forward to being drunk and Valium-ed while working on my tan. I already accept the fact that I won’t look so hot in my bikinis— it’s my fault I’m 7 pounds over my ideal weight. I’m just horrified that I’m gonna look female body-builderesque. :cry:

I BETTER NOT GET MY PERIOD THIS WEEKEND.

Comments (6)